Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Microsoft

I am at "work" (a.k.a. my living room). I am working on the company website and my eyes are crossing. There is nothing that makes your head hurt like staring at raw HTML for hours. Not only that but I have to come to the Microsoft Business Solutions page. I am a Microsoft Certified Professional. I use Linux and Mac OS as a result.

The company I work for is a Microsoft Certified Business Solutions Provider. I have to come up with nice things to say about Microsoft beyond "runs solitaire really well" and "only locks up twice a day" without saying "hacker fodder" and "good if you want your hard drive to sound like Chewbacca." I hate maketing drivel.

Microsoft is good for what it is, a simple, expensive solution for those unwilling to take the time to learn something new. Properly patched and updated it is almost secure if you use 3rd party security solutions. I am lucky enough to have users who have no idea what an update is and wouldn't know a firewall if it bit them in the arse.

If you are willing to pay for an upgrade license you can get the newest features that don't work right (i.e. Internet Exploder) till Service Pack 1 and then get broken again by Service Pack 2. To top it off, you have to register it with Microsoft and let it "phone home" to activate. Lord only knows what exactly it tells the Microsoft servers. I bet the conversation goes something like this:

Your Computer: "Hey, this guy has a 40 GB hard drive and 256MB of RAM."

Microsoft: "Only 256MB...hmmm...that should work fine for a week. Then we update and give him blue screens until he throws his PC out the Window."

Your Computer: "While we are at it, lets wait for his wife to log on and hit him with the bigboobs.com popup. He'll LOVE that..."

Microsoft: "You have done well my minion. Remember, you must never reproduce and error when the technician is in the room. Now go forth and break their will."

Your Computer: "Yes master."

Oh well. I wonder if Microsoft will get mad at me for writing this from a Mac using the Firefox browser...

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