Sunday, January 29, 2006

I am not old...

Jasmine turned 6 today. I feel old. We went to Chuck E. Cheese and will be going to McDonald's tonight for the big party. I still remember when she was so small she fit in the palm of my hand. Now her head won't even fit in the palm of my hand. I was 21 when she was born. Now I am 27.

I have grown my goatee out which is close to the facial hair configuration I had the day she was born. The only reason I even remember that is moments after she was born she reached for my face with her tiny hand and touched my chin. The first sensation she felt was daddy's beard. She was premature and only weighed 5 pounds 6 ounces. She literally shot out of her mother so fast the doctor had left the room and I had to catch along with a frantic nurse. She was then whisked away by the neo-natal ICU staff because her lungs weren't fully developed and the oxygen in her blood was WAY too low. The whole night I sat by her bed in the ICU with her tiny hand wrapped around my finger. I only left the next day when the nurses checked her oxygen and assured me she was out of the woods. Now, six years later, she is a thriving social butterfly. I'd post more but I have to take her to McDonald's now...and then her grow up too fast.

Monday, January 23, 2006

What I'm known for

I just went through my site statistics and an alarming number of people found me by seraching for incest on the various search I am popular with the pervert set...somehow not suprising...

I am deaf, but I feel so fucking metal...

Last night Tiff and I went to Concrete Street Amphitheater with Sarah and my favorite metalhead, Denise. We saw Bullets and Octane, CKY, and Avenged Sevenfold. We missed the first band, Day of Contempt but came in just as Bullets and Octane started their set. They kicked ass and I bought their CD by the end of the night. Next up was CKY and they kicked ass as well. It is rare to have all of the opening bands burn down the house and still have the headliner live up to the part. Avenged Sevenfold so totally did. Hence the total hearing loss in my right ear and the partial loss in my left.

We stayed by the sidelines for the first two bands but while the roadies readied the stage for A7X Denise and I worked our way to the 4th row stage right, just out of range for the band to sweat on us, just in range to see the AWESOME guitarist that is Syn and bassist that is Johnny Christ. Denise got some awesome photos and the crowd actually behaved like a real metal crowd, there for the music and not to kick each others skull in.

It was so fucking cool to feel the press of the pit screaming and banging my head to real metal, throwing the horns and feeling like I'm back in college down in the pit at Pantera. Speaking of Pantera, A7X covered Walk and I swear to God, Denise looked up at me and we both almost had a fucking heart attack. By the first chorus we were screaming the lyrics.

For anyone who has never experienced a real metal show, I highly recommend A7X. It is a show you won't soon forget. The crush of the pit is something everyone should experience at least once before they die. Especially with a true metalhead like Denise. You rock D.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Fun with HTML and a random resolution generator

Ok, so I took a random resolution generator and created a list of resolutions. Now I just have to do them...
In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Blame Canada.
Be more ganster than Snoop Dogg.
Not lose any pencils.
Be on cops.
Molest more hamsters.

Get your resolution here

Fo' rizzle Canada bes' not be gankin' my pencils o' I be all up ins they shizzle bitches. Now all I have left is to be on cops and give some hamsters Jesus Juice...

And now we return to our regularly scheduled bullshit...

Topping our news, I got an email from a friend (whose tin foil hat I forgot to compliment, it is very cool) about the gross things she and her husband come up with. It reminded me of a conversation my wife and I had with a friend of ours about dead baby.

Let me back up just a bit. Our friend had just gotten back from a speech and debate tournament (lets face it, these kids are warped) where someone had said she was so hungry she could eat a dead baby. Fast forward to our friend getting home and quoting this kid when we met at the Taqueria Acapulco (famous for corn chips fried in crack that keep you coming back even though the food sucks) for dinner and you might have an idea where this conversation went. Your idea would of course be wrong.

To start it off someone had said, "Mmmm tastes like chicken" to which I replied, "Actually it would probably be a red meat" being ever the stickler for accuracy that I am. It was decided that it should be the number 12 and served with fries and a drink... or possibly crack chips and salsa. Acapulco could use the menu upgrade. Soylent Green is people...yum...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Teardrops of a clown

I want to write something today. I haven't posted of late and wanted to do at least an "I am here" post. I have spent the morning trying to find something funny to write but I can't. My brain is a mess. Events this morning have me analyzing where I am.

In my career I am stuck in mind numbing doldrums. I work for my parents and we live with them. I quit and "voila", it is sleeping on a park bench. I am caged.

In my marriage, my career is destroying it. My wife has zero respect for my job because I am paid with housing. There is little actual cash involved and since she has a normal 9-6 job she cannot see the value of my job. As you all know, I have a big ego and having to swallow it to keep the peace is not an easy task. Add to that we have no privacy and my parents are driving us mad. We had a fight today that went from zero to shit storm in no time flat. My last words to her were "FUCK OFF" and to be honest, I'm not sure why. When I got home I stopped outside and cried. I had no reason to treat her like that. No excuse for that behavior. I feel like scum.

In my spiritual life, my faith is dead. I know my atheist friends are giving a tiny hooray but for me it feels empty. I spent my life believing I had a Father up above looking out for me. I had a brother in Christ who died for me. I had the promise of eternal life with my wife and kids by my side. It is disorienting at best for that to just suddenly end. It hurts to think death will part me from my wife and kids. It hurts me so deep inside I cannot find the source.

My head is swimming. I feel like a caged beast. Thoughts of rage, fear, panic, and hate scream drowning hope and faith.

For those who come here to laugh, I am sorry to let you down today. Now you have witnessed the teardrops of a clown.