Tuesday, February 28, 2006

MySpace is EVIL!

Today kids we are going to discuss that evil MySpace.com and other such sites that your mommy and daddy are too stupid to understand and therefore must be harmful to you. Bloggers are all evil perverts. Someone posing as a 16 year old girl could in fact be a 65 year old hermaphrodite named Stinky Pete. These people might say dirty words to you like, "WHO R U" or "ROFLMAO". We parents have no idea what these mean so they must be dirty. We have tried blocking you but the glowy box you call computer vexes us so we must instead lay down some rules.
  • If Katie Couric ever tells us it might be harmful we are so pulling the plug. She is peppy and has nice legs so she must know what she is talking about.
  • You must never post your real name, age, or location (yes I am talking to you L33t HaX0R7 age 153 from Gelgomac Prime) or some pervert might find you.
  • Never post real pictures of yourself. Only use stick figures or possibly someone else's.
  • Never describe yourself as hot, good looking, or anything that might attract fellow human beings. Homely people don't get raped. At least Katie Couric hasn't told us about any homely raped people.
  • Never use dirty words. Just because daddy says it when he hits his thumb with a hammer while "fixing" things does not give you license to say it.
  • Never post anything about your actual life. You should always bottle up your teen angst so years later you can pay for your therapist's new Jaguar. Either that or end up shooting your classmates so we can blame guns instead of poor parenting.

I hope you have learned a valuable lesson today kids. When you grow up, you can be uninformed and scared of technology too. Now be a good little boy or girl and go get mommy or daddy right now so he or she can see what you've just read. Specifically point out the next sentence.


Sunday, February 26, 2006

Who says systems administrators aren't the new Sith Lords...

You Are 90% Evil

You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!

This isn't surprising to any of my regulars is it? Didn't think so.

DSL comes up on the 28th if SBC can extricate their heads from their asses. Otherwise they will also need to extricate my boot.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I am Sys Admin, hear me roar

Behold, the return of the mighty God among Geeks...

I have a new job as a systems administrator for a local company and I am finally getting both pay and respect I deserve. The network here is not large or extremely complex but I have been brought in to fix it and then expand it. My DSL is supposed to get turned on at the house this week so I will be able to return to my old verbose self. Until then, I will post little snippets here and there when I get the chance.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Of Man Berries and Frilly Things

The Olympics suck. I will be more specific. The events covered by NBC suck.

Snowboarding gets a half hour block, not complete coverage.

Speed skating, which involves men slipping into body condoms and showing off their man berries, gets hours of full coverage.

Hockey gets relegated to an obscure channel until finals so a dude in a frilly shirt can execute a flawless triple mocha half-caf (or whatever) to the music of Kenny G.

Ski jump, where idiots speed down a hill and fly through the air aided only by sticks strapped to their feet, gets bumped for curling in which a bunch of guys named Doug can sweep the ice in front of a rock in a glorified game of ice marbles. This is what happens when the Olympic committee is allowed to drink Canadian beer.

I think the new rule should be that no Olympic event not involving a real risk of death should ever be allowed to preempt Law and Order. And no event involving man berries being shown flagrantly should ever see the light of day...still trying to reboot brain from flipping past speed skating...

He he, I said man berries more than once in a single post. You must admit, it is fun to say. Try it. People will look at you weird. Hey, stop looking at me like that. This is what you get when I am allowed to post while drinking...

Friday, February 10, 2006

Of Wolf and Man

The other night Tiff, Denise, Arika, and I all went out for coffee. Then we went to chill at Heritage Park which is a collection of restored historical homes surrounding a beautiful rose garden. We spread out sleeping bags and relaxed, sharing stories and Tiff's book of poetry.

Before I go further, Heritage Park is a place where the paranormal is quite active. The historical homes there are teeming with, well, afterlife. This can lead to some deep conversation for those of us more sensitive to these things. All present that night happen to be very sensitive.

Discussion turned to wolves. You see, I have a bit of an obsession with wolves. Native American tribes might have called it my totem or spirit guide. I have always loved these beautiful hunters. For me my connection goes deeper though. You see I once went on a vision quest. Now it is story time with Mike:
Years ago I lived in Utah out on the Wasatch Front. It was late spring and the weather was spectacular. I decided to go camping in the forests near my home in Pason on the south end of the Wasatch Front. I took minimal provisions including a hunting knife and warm clothing. I took no tent, little extra food, and a canteen.

I fasted for three days and spent much of my time in meditation. I stayed near a small stream in a clearing where I could watch the sun set and see the valley below. On the third day as I meditated I grew weak with hunger. As I opened my eyes from meditation I heard quiet footsteps off to my right coming out of the trees.

As my eyes scanned the woods, I saw a Timber Wolf slowly emerging from the trees. I stayed motionless as he moved closer until we were face to face. He looked me in the eye for a moment that seemed like years. I could feel his breath.

Slowly he left my little clearing, going back the way he came. Stopping once to look back at me and then disappearing into the woods forever.
I truly believe that each person has an inner animal, totem, or spirit guide that molds who they are. I am a wolf. My wife is a cat. Denise, is a fellow wolf. Still not 100% sure about Arika. What is your inner beast?

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Free at Last! (Will code for food)

Today was one hell of a day. This morning I woke up like any other. Then we got accepted for a new apartment and quit my job. I am back on the job market and considering I have far more experience than last time I was on the market I actually have a snowball's chance in hell. In the meantime, anyone need a web geek to program them a site in return for rent money? We move in to the new place on the 15th and hopefully all will go well. Till then we are staying with the in-laws. Just think, we can now have the party at our place! If any of my out of town readers are ever in Corpus, swing by for Margarita madness.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Cowboy Butt Sex

I went to see Brokeback Mountain a few weeks ago and thought it was a great film. Afterwards we discussed cowboy butt sex and I decided at that point it would be a great post title. Not only is it catchy but will draw search engines into bringing me the butt sex crowd. Not that I am into that but they are perverts and thus should fit in nicely with my readers. That and you must admit, butt sex is fun to say. Almost cathartic in a way. Go ahead and say it loud and proud with me, "BUTT SEX." See how much better you feel. Now clean out your desk, you just got fired...pervert...

In other news, on the Today show I heard Matt mention a story headline that basically said, "If people could not lie without getting caught, would the world be better or worse?" I say it would make the world far worse. I know you all expect me to go into a big long explanation citing philosophy and moral relativism but instead I will let you come to your own conclusions why I answered like that. Post your conclusions to your various blogs and link back to this post. (See, I just started a meme...)

Micro$oft is back in the news with the Beta program for Windoze Dead, I mean Windows Live. Here is a REALLY bad idea. Lets have Micro$oft host all of your personal data. Your dirty email from you secretary, Micro$oft has it. Your porn favorites, Micro$oft has it. The dirty email you wrote you boss posing as a co-worker, Micro$oft has it. And none of this shit will be free. Just because I am paranoid does not mean they aren't out to get me.

I know this post has been kind of random but that is pretty normal now that I think about it.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Site updates

As you can see I have made some minor tweaks to the page by turning the image from the tattoo I will soon get into a wallpaper and changing my profile image. I never did give proper credit for the portrait that resides as my new profile image. That work of art was created for me by Brock, who I now proclaim official artist of Untitled Life.

Just thought I'd give credit where it is due. If you would like a portrait from Brock, visit here.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

The next Moses

I don't have any one specific idea for today's post so I am just going to type my thought stream until someone steals my keyboard.

I designed a tattoo for my right shoulder I think is cool.

I think I did a decent job.

My dad was visiting with the Stake President of our local church who told him I was really close to having my priesthood restored when I went inactive. Please note, I had been waiting for over a year and a half for the paperwork to submit for the restoration of my priesthood and heard nothing but "soon". I almost laughed so hard my Monster came out my nose. That would be a waste of caffeine. Aside from my complete lack of faith, I enjoy beer too much to go back to that crap. Any church that can be so disorganized as to not even be able to get paperwork to me for a year and a half is wasting my time. I guess they are using the same sense of "soon" the Apostle Paul was using when he said the second coming was "nigh at hand" roughly 2000 years ago.

On that note, I am continuing in my philosophical studies and will soon post some of my own philosophical pontification (also read bullshit) regarding the existence of God and my two bits worth on Plato's concept of duality.

Maybe I should even write my own "religious" text.
The book of Michael, 1:1
"And behold in the year one thousand and nine hundred and seventy eight there was born Michael, prophet, windbag, narcissist, and bullshit master and from him poured forth the holy word of a fool. I mean holy word of God. Yeah. God. That's the ticket. Ignore the fool remark. That never happened."
Maybe I could be the next Moses...you don't know...it could happen...

Nobody has taken my keyboard yet so I guess I'll just keep typ