Sunday, December 06, 2009

Changes

She's gone. The words finally struck me as I got home from work at 3am and saw the one pillow on the bed. I've known for over a week that she was leaving. I wasn't even here to see her off. There is a long story behind why that I lack the energy to tell.

Part of me is happy to be on my own. I have spent all but two years of my adult life married and all of it living with others. I am finally learning to be alone and I like that. There is a deep and almost delicious melancholy one doesn't get to experience when trying to always be the rock in another's life. It reminds me that the highs in life have no meaning without lows to give them contrast.

Then there is pain. The pain of hurting the woman I have loved for half of my life enough to make her go. I know it is for the best, but its cause is the damage I did.

Tiffanie, I know I will never be able to put the pieces back together. I have wronged you irreparably and for that I will carry the burden to my grave. I ask not for your love, only your forgiveness.