Untitled Life

You, sir, are a douchebag*

2012-01-20T23:03:00.000-06:00

My last post brought the following response:

CharlieMorgan said... If she wasn’t going to hell before, she sure is now. Jessica Ahlquist was victorious in her fight against the Cranston West High School mural that was addressed to “Our Heavenly Father,” and concluded with the word “Amen.” Jessica — an atheist — made a stink about the mural earlier in the school year citing the separation of church and state. Her father, Mark, filed a lawsuit for his Jesus-spiting daughter. Yesterday, U.S. District Court Judge Ronald R. Lagueux ruled that the http://www.rhodeblock.com/2012/01/12/satan-forces-mural-west/

He also wrote the following about Jessica:

Florists refuse to deliver to succubus

Let me be abundantly clear Mr. Morgan, you are a raging douchebag. Further, you are NOT a Christian. You embody the worst that Christianity has to offer and were Jesus real and here today, he would turn you away. Going back to my years in the seminary I reflect on the teachings of this man you claim as your savior and not once did he utter such vile hatred and vitriol for his fellow man. He even asked that God forgive the centurions driving the nails in his hands. This young woman simply stood up for the constitutional separation of church and state, a wall put in place by our founding fathers, and you call her "bitch" and "succubus." Shame on you. If Jessica and I are wrong and there is a God waiting on the other side, I want no part of a God who would accept such a vile person as you. May you find the peace Christ actually taught instead of the vile hatred you spew now. Stop being such a worthless douche.

*Title borrowed from a video by George Takei

Jessica Ahlquist, Atheist of the Year

2012-01-13T10:34:00.001-06:00

I would like to nominate a brave young woman for Atheist of the Year. Jessica Ahlquist took on the Cranston West school for their school prayer mural, with an official school sponsored prayer posted for all to see in direct and flagrant violation of the separation of church and state. I am not one to say that prayer in private, between one's self and one's deity of choice is wrong. As long as there are pop quizzes, there will be plenty of silent prayers in school. I am against a public school funded by public dollars holding up any religious institution. Let there be prayer at home, in church, or in private church schools. Let public schools be a bastion of secular learning that neither accepts nor denies religion but instead leaves it for other venues.

Jessica, who has succeeded in her quest to have the prayer removed, has done so in the face of violent threats and much hatred. To see a full rundown of that vitriol and un-Christlike behavior, check out JesusFetusFajitaFishstick's coverage here. To reward her bravery and show her she is not alone the AHA (American Humanist Association) as part of the Humanist Foundation has offered to start a trust fund for her college scholarship. Please consider giving to support this brave young woman and show her she has our love and support. A convenient on line donation link is provided below.

To my Christian friends, give to show her that most of you are not a-holes. It's what Jesus would do. Remember, Jesus said in Matthew 6:6, "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." Jessica's stance against public prayer is right in line with your doctrine.

This has been a message from your friendly neighborhood atheist, reminding you, "Don't be a dick. Jesus hates it when you represent him like that."

Year in review

2011-12-29T08:41:00.000-06:00

2011 was a huge year and it has been one hell of a ride. After starting the year working for my dad and barely scraping by, my cousin called me with the opportunity of a lifetime. With his help and the love and support of a beautiful woman, I end this year on a completely different tack. Since May I have been an instructor for Red Hat and have taught Linux all over the US, Australia, and the UK. I both look and feel better than I have in a decade. I have hung on to the second longest relationship I've ever had and I love her more every day. I am 33 and happier than I have ever been.I have spent most of the last 7 months on the road. I gave up my apartment in October and now live out of my big red suitcase. It is strange waking up one day in Newcastle upon Tyne on the northeast coast of England and the next day being back in Texas on a ranch near Paducah. Forget remembering the city, I am often lucky to remember the time zone in which I find myself. It is tiring but I would not trade my experiences on the road for the world.Looking forward to 2012 I see bigger things on their way. Opportunities abound as new certifications open new doors. I finally broke down and bought the domain michaelclarkson.net where I will chronicle my advances in technology as my studies prepare me to revolutionize how the world uses technology. I will continue to write here, hopefully more often. 2012 will be a huge year and if the Mayans were right, I will be going out on a high note.

Birthday wishes

2011-07-27T18:26:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning to a bunch of birthday wishes. Throughout the day they have been pouring in. It still sucks dining alone on my birthday but knowing I am loved, and more importantly how loved I am, makes this much easier. To everyone who sent their birthday wishes, texts, ecards, and text messages, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Another year older

2011-07-27T01:00:00.001-05:00

33 years old. I'm in my hotel in Martinsburg West Virginia. I never thought being alone on my birthday would affect me. Ok, I'm not alone. I'm just 1,600 miles from my little girl, the woman I love, and all of my friends. It doesn't help that I will only be home for 24 hours on Saturday and then it is back on the road again. I'm ok and it only gets better from here, but here is just a bit lonely tonight. Off to bed now. Things will look brighter in the morning.

New Roads

2011-07-21T15:04:00.002-05:00

“If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.” -Anthony Robbins

Over the last year I've changed so much in my life. I finalized my divorce. I lost 70 pounds. I fell in love. I quit working with my dad and with the help and support of the woman I love and my cousin Karl I have completely changed my career outlook. I am now a Red Hat Certified Engineer, Red Hat Certified Instructor, Red Hat Certified Examiner, and will soon add Red Hat Certified Architect and Security Specialist (aka RHCASS). I travel all over the country teaching Red Hat Enterprise Linux. On this wild and crazy journey I have learned a few things.

1. If you are dissatisfied with where you are, look at the road that put you there. Make note of the landmarks so you NEVER PASS THEM AGAIN!

2. Personal responsibility takes away the power from those you blame and gives it to you. When things are done to you, you have no control. When things are done as a result of your actions, or inactions, you take back that control. By changing your action, you control the outcome.

3. There is ALWAYS a choice. The difficulty of the choice does not negate the fact that a choice is still there. When you claim there is no choice, you give up the power to change.

4. Take the time to take the back roads every now and then. Life is too short not to take in a bit of the scenery. No one has ever had a deathbed proclamation of, "I should have spent more time at the office!"

I know, all of these lessons should be obvious but it took me almost 33 years to learn them. In 6 days I will be 33. I won't proclaim 32 to be my best year. I'll proclaim it to be the year I learned the most. Because of the year I was 32, the year was 33 may well be my best.

Death of the American Dream

2011-04-18T16:11:00.006-05:00

There was a time a generation ago when I could, through hard work and ingenuity, change my fortune and find a piece of the American Dream. Now that dream is in its death throes.

Every day I am bombarded by images of the affluent life. Pro athletes, reality shows featuring rich people, get rich quick schemes, and nonstop commercialism reminding me to "buy this," "vacation there," and "use that." The good life is what I am told to seek. Who has the good life? Do you? I know I don't. In a paper titled, "Wealth, Income, and Power" G. William Domhoff, Professor of Sociology at UCSC, talks about who has a hold on the good life.

"In terms of types of financial wealth, the top one percent of households have 38.3% of all privately held stock, 60.6% of financial securities, and 62.4% of business equity. The top 10% have 80% to 90% of stocks, bonds, trust funds, and business equity, and over 75% of non-home real estate. Since financial wealth is what counts as far as the control of income-producing assets, we can say that just 10% of the people own the United States of America."

10% of Americans hold essentially all of the wealth. Worse than all of that, the top 1% of income earners, who average over $1 million a year, actually pay a smaller percentage of their incomes to taxes than the 9% just below them. In the same paper Domhoff goes on to cite E. N. Wolff's 2007 paper, "Recent trends in household wealth in the United States: Rising debt and the middle-class squeeze."

"Of all the new financial wealth created by the American economy in that 21-year-period, fully 42% of it went to the top 1%. A whopping 94% went to the top 20%, which of course means that the bottom 80% received only 6% of all the new financial wealth generated in the United States during the '80s, '90s, and early 2000s.

How can this happen? Isn't this a government by the people, for the people? In a world where money is power, how can so few hold all of the power? Distraction, distraction, distraction. I've spent so much of my time following the dangled carrot that the glorification of the "good life" creates, I've never stopped to examine why I don't have my piece of the good life. I slave at horrible jobs, do demeaning things, and fight for the crumbs falling from the tables of the high and mighty. Generation X, my generation, will be the first in American history to fail to improve on the quality of life of the previous generation. I, like many other of Generation X, am lucky to keep a roof over my head and food on my table. The educational system is abysmal, preventing an upward mobility afforded previous generations. Many around me believe whatever nonsense fits their world view without checking facts and then attempt to foist their flawed views on society, incapable of being swayed by logic or reason. Fear mongers beat down my door with talk of the end approaching, all while setting in motion the very harbingers they prophesy against.

I know I am not alone in this. How can people like me recover the American Dream? Is it recoverable at all? We must start by speaking up. Start by boycotting companies where CEO salaries are not reasonable, such as banks that paid bonuses to the very CEO's that drove them into the ground. We have to speak out to anyone who will listen about the truth of how little of the tax burden the rich actually bear. We must write our Senators and Congresspersons to the point their boxes are full. Let them know they were elected to represent all Americans, not just the top 1%. Where possible we must stop working for corporations and instead go to work for small businesses or start new business. We must lobby for legislation enforcing salary caps for companies bailed out by our tax dollars. We have to elect officials who will look out for the American people, and, lacking any of those, run for congress. It is time to take back our nation. Let the revolution begin here.

New Addictions

2011-01-13T01:43:00.001-06:00

I step out into the cold night air. I have a new addiction and it must be fed. The road stretches in front of me as my muscles twitch in anticipation. My breath rises like steam and only the stars and an occasional street lamp light my way. As I move more quickly, I feel my heart race. Heat rises off my skin as my feet strike the pavement, with each stride I come closer to filling my need. I can almost close my eyes as it sets in and feel myself transported to an ancient forest, hunting my prey, running with the wolves. I am sated. I climb my stairs and kick off my running shoes. It's been another excellent run.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Watch this interview. All of it.

2010-11-15T15:13:00.001-06:00

This is the conversation we need to be having as a nation. Not only this conversation but this tone as well. Rational dialogue is possible.

Drunken Ramblings

2010-09-12T03:54:00.000-05:00

The best way to solve a drinking problem is to stop thinking of it as a problem.

I enjoy a good scotch. After the week I've had, I deserve it too. I rolled a truck 1.5 times, sticking the roof landing and still managing to walk away. We were robbed of the gold on that one. French judge deducted points for doing it in my sleep. I have driven over 3000 miles in 2 weeks and mounted 3 satellites. And all this with no homicides. Yeah, I deserve a scotch or 6.

I had someone tell me,"The only people who drink scotch are alcoholics." Hi, I'm Mike, have we met? Duh. A true scotch aficionado can pick out smokey and fruity notes in a drink most people would compare to paint thinner. I am one of those people. Now, to finish my 12 year old single malt Glenlivett and go to bed. Sleep well. I will.

My Prose

2010-08-02T03:44:00.002-05:00

I spoke of writing again in an earlier post and decided tonight to record two of my prose pieces as spoken word pieces, read as they were written. Note these are not humorous at all and were both written from actual dealings with women. Enjoy this glimpse at my inner brooding artist.

First is a piece I wrote in one of my darker moments entitled "Addict" about how Jessica and I ended up:

Second is a piece I actually wrote tonight entitled "Hunger" about an woman I long for but our pasts keep us apart.

Thoughts

2010-07-25T16:52:00.001-05:00

I turn 32 on Tuesday. In the last year I have gone through so many changes. My marriage split. I had to leave a job at a company that worked me harder than I have ever worked. I went through surgery to fix a problem that has been with me since I was 17 an recently got bad enough to make me anemic. I have lost 20 pounds and am working on another 60. I have started working stand up comedy gigs again. My Atheist group has grown from four or five active members to 20 or so active members and 60 overall members. We have started doing charitable activities and giving back to the community. I have discovered how much support and how many friends I actually have and the truth is overwhelming. I am not alone.

I have made some discoveries about myself. I am stronger than I ever thought. I have so much more to offer the world than I have to this point. I can make a difference in this world, on more than just an interpersonal level. I have the ability to touch people all over the world and bring them together. I cannot allow myself to be sold short ever again. This is the year of Michael. This is the year my trek to the top begins. This is the year I make the changes that will direct the rest of my life.

BP, Transocean, and MMS

2010-06-11T05:19:00.003-05:00

Considering my insomnia is still a problem I figured I would offload some anger regarding the Deepwater Horizon incident that is polluting the Gulf of Mexico to the tune of 40-60,000 barrels of oil a day.

This problem leaves me so angry. This wasn't some "Act of God" or "Unforeseeable accident." This was the combined greed of BP and Transocean executives combined with the criminal neglect of duty by the Minerals Management Service, the Government agency tasked with inspecting and certifying drilling rigs. By the end of this executives in charge of all three belong behind bars.

This rig exploded from a series of errors, every one of which was easily preventable by paying attention to well known and thoroughly published science. First, deepwater rigs are regulated using the regulations written for shallow water rigs in the 1970's. None of the safety requirements have been properly tested at the depths Deepwater Horizon drills. Many experts believe that the shear ram blowout preventer used by Transocean in this drill won't perform at depth, as proven by its non-performance. This means that a flawlessly performing blowout preventer on the surface will likely fail at the depth Transocean was trying to use this one. Further, risk analysts stated that the methane gas pockets that generated serious kickbacks earlier in the drilling process at this site posed a minimal threat. These same kickbacks were serious enough to shut down operations such as welding, smoking, or anything that generates sparks. Considering all of these warnings, one would think they would follow basic safety procedures to cap the well. These procedures involve waiting at least 6 hours for the concrete plug to harden before pumping the mud out of the well. The mud is there to keep down the pressures generated by the gasses. Without the weight of the mud keeps kickbacks manageable. Instead of waiting 6 hours Transocean, with clearance from MMS and BP, pumped the mud out and replaced it with ocean water which is useless in stopping a blowout. Think farting at the bottom of a tub and seeing it bubble to the surface. Oversimplified a bit but same concept. Without a properly cured cement plug in place, they pumped out the only thing keeping huge quantities of highly explosive natural gas in the well to save 6 hours and $125,000. The cost of this decision affects us all in incalculable ways.

Eleven rig workers died from the greedy, incompetent, and ultimately criminal decisions made strictly to pad the bottom line of BP and Transocean investors. That in and of itself means that every single one of the incompetent bastards at BP, Transocean, and MMS should be charged with eleven counts of negligent homicide. This was no accident. They are as culpable as a parent who leaves 11 children in a fireworks factory with matches and no supervision ten minutes before they blow themselves up. Then, once those trials have finished there should have been sufficient time to figure out how to conviene a tribunal for crimes against humanity, nature, and the planet. In that mean time, all assets of BP and Transocean should be seized and used to try to begin paying for the cleanup effort.

Long night

2010-06-05T06:23:00.000-05:00

It is 6:24 in the morning. I haven't slept a second. I probably won't. I don't know how long I can go before I completely lose it. I can feel myself coming apart at the seams. I have thought long and hard about how I got to this point. The answer is simple. I gave it all away. Every dime, every thing of value, all of my time, and, most devastating of all, all of me. Now that I have need there is nothing there. I have no reserves, monetarily or mentally. I literally gave till it hurt. I gave to jobs, wives, family, girlfriends, friends, and everyone in between. Not once did I stop to set something aside for me and now I am paying for it. Wow. That was hundreds of dollars of therapy saved all with a single paragraph.

Rock Bottom

2010-06-05T04:39:00.000-05:00

I've hit a new low. Tonight I downloaded World of Warcraft 10 day free trial. How pathetic am I that WoW is how I spent a Friday night as a single man? Doesn't help that I am stone cold broke. I couldn't buy a Coke with the contents of my bank account. Sure, I am healing from surgery. It has just been such a huge downer this week. Sitting here in this baren apartment, not a thing of value to my name that I don't owe money on. I am almost 32 and have no savings, am scraping by for the basics, and have proven myself incapable of a successful long term relationship. And now I am a Level 7 Night Elf Warrior after only a couple of hours. This better be rock bottom. My shovel is getting dull.

The $10,000,000 asshole

2010-05-28T23:41:00.000-05:00

Michael's asshole was hurt. A man bleeding from his butt. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic anus. His asshole will be that asshole. Better than it was before. Better, stronger, faster. More asshole-y.

Still healing from this surgery. A week after my attack of modern medicine and it hurts like hell. Yesterday was the worst, like becoming personally acquainted with the business end of a hunting knife. I swear, it hits one more time without flowers and chocolate and I'm crying rape. Seriously. I am this close to calling Detectives Benson and Stabler from SVU. Something has to be done about the ass raping hunting knife. That's all I'm saying. And now the Hydrocodone is kicking in. Nighty night.

Hang

2010-05-20T00:31:00.000-05:00

"...He smokes his cigarette.
He stays outside till it's gone.
If anybody ever had a heart, he wouldn't be alone..."

I've been in a mood of late. Wallowing in the melancholy. In a way it is a good thing. I am writing again. Prose, comedy, and even blogs. Tonight I sit here with mellow music, my beer, the smoke of my cigarette, and the cool night air. I just got back from performing at the House of Rock and while I should feel high I feel alone. Don't get me wrong, it was a great show. Fabian played 2 great sets, all of the comics were funny, even if the audience was unresponsive, and I got some stage time with the gang. This after being tapped to be co-announcer last weekend at roller derby with Cynde, giving me two chances to perform for the week. I should be riding a high.

I guess part of it is the anticipation of impending boredom as I recover from minor surgery to literally repair my ass hole. It is going to suck and not in the good way.

No. That's not it. I just feel alone. I know there are plenty of people who want to be with me and love me. I am rarely physically alone. I feel alone in the sense that while many people hear me, not many listen. I talk about wanting physical relationships, and I do, but I get those. I want someone that truly understands me, someone who hears my words and understands their meaning, someone strong and independent who is with me not because they need me but because they want me. Is that too much to ask? I wish I knew.

The upside of this is I am at my most creative when in this state. My demons need a voice. My voice needs to be heard. Maybe in their crying out they will find a kindred voice doing the same. If a kindred voice hears me, my demons want to know if you would like to go out for coffee...

"...And we always say, it would be good to go away, someday
But if there's nothing there to make things change
If it's all the same for you I'll just hang."

*Quotes excerpted from Hang-Written by Rob Thomas, Performed by Matchbox 20

Me

2010-05-07T19:08:00.000-05:00

I am about to throw a change up pitch here. I'm not posting about any current events or witty observations. I'm going to post about me. Not the blowhard know it all. Not the comedian goofball. Me.

I am a nearly 32 year old man. I have never had a truly successful relationship. I drink at home, by myself. I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks. I am surrounded by people who want to be around me and I all want to be is alone. Till I'm alone. Then I want to be near people. But I am a bit of a masochist so I stay alone, wallowing in the sweet melancholy of silence. Sometimes I turn on some blues and kick back with a beer. Like tonight, sitting here with the smooth guitar of Citizen Cope, Sideways and some Shiner Hefeweizen.

I live alone with my cat. If there is a more pathetic sentence, I'm not sure where one would find it. That's right, I am a cat owner. Well, I am a cat hold onto-er until Tiff can find a place where she can take the cat. I love my cat, don't get me wrong. It just doesn't do anything for the case for my heterosexuality. I'm 32, single, have seen Rocky Horror enough times to sing along, enjoyed Brokeback Mountain, and know what a duvet cover is. Add a cat and I might as well try out for Fire Island.

I quit my job a month ago and work independently. That is a great way to say I spend most of my days watching Law & Order marathons briefly sprinkled with last night's Daily Show and Scrubs re-reruns. Granted, it is nice to be able to work from home. Until the frige starts talking to you. So I work out. I lift bites of food to my mouth. I walk the long way from the couch to the kitchen. Sometimes I even go for multiple sets, multiple reps. Really helps the weight problem.

I guess what I am trying to say is what most men never admit to. I am depressed. It is hard to admit. It requires putting down the macho bravado, setting aside the ready joke, putting down the witty retort, and just saying it. Saying it in a public forum like this is a bit empowering. I know nobody actually reads this blog but the fact that anyone could feels good. In the off chance I am wrong and someone does read this and gets anything from it, let me know. Leave a comment, send an email, send a smoke signal, you get the idea.

Censorship and South Park

2010-04-23T00:44:00.000-05:00

*The following post contains graphic language and offensive material. If you are easily offended, do not read past this sentence. Unless you are an Islamic fundamentalist asshole. Then by all means, read on.

First, while I enjoy watching South Park on occasion I am not a regular fan of the show. I know their show often blows right past the borders of propriety into the realm of the gross, vulgar and offensive. In part, it is why I watch. Every once in a while though their shenanigans end up pointing out some societal flaw in very clear detail.

In this case, the last episode of South Park contained a depiction of Muhammad that was censored by Comedy Central for threats from revolutionmuslim.com. There are other Islamic groups offended by depiction of Muhammad who are respectfully lodging their complaints through normal channels. These people I have no beef with and out of respect for those mainstream followers of Islam I am not going to display the original uncensored image here. Please note, I have decided not to depict Muhammad out of respect for mainstream Muslims, not fear of terrorist assholes posing as Muslims.

When any speech, especially that regarding religion is censored, we lose more freedom. Sure, South Park can be a bit tasteless in their satire. But for anyone to say that the behavior of religious fanatics does not deserve ridicule and satire, tramples the Constitution. Belief, no matter how deep, should never be allowed to stifle commentary. I don't declare war on Christians every time they call Atheists evil and of the devil. I simply point out the following:

Those who believe a bearded guy in the sky that watches everything you do and sent down his only son to act as a blood sacrifice for sin brought into the world by a woman created from the rib of a man who ate a fruit that made her aware she was naked given to her by a talking snake, shouldn't talk.

Muslims, before you go laughing at the Jesus people I remind you of the following:

Your "Prophet" married children and swung from peace and love to more violent than Hitler. He needed meds. Bi-polar disorder is no laughing matter.

Jews, before you get to thinking you are dodging the bullet, I remind you fo the following:

Just because your ancestors thousands of years ago owned a chunk of land does not mean you get the right to uproot thousands of people who have moved in since you left. It is a fucking sandbox. Learn to share or one day some asshole with the bomb will slip one past the US and blow your shit up.

Yes, South Park was making a statement offensive to all Muslims. Yes, it was in poor taste. But here in America they have every right to say it. Here in America anyone can say anything. That is until you start threatening violence to silence an opposing viewpoint.

You want Islamic law? You want to declare jihad on those who oppose your views? Go somewhere else. Go strap a bomb to yourself out in the middle of the desert at least 30 minutes drive from anywhere populated and blow yourselves up.

Or maybe you should just blow yourselves. All that pent up aggression and hatred of women needs release. Maybe you should get your balls tickled with each other's beards. Maybe pull out and give each other a dirty Muhammad... which is where you scream "ALLAH AKBAR" as you jizz in their beard. Don't pretend it doesn't happen. I had friends stationed in the middle east. As they would say in your culture, "Women are for procreation, men are for recreation."

I guess what I am saying, in the immortal words of Jon Stewart is, "Go fuck yourselves." I know, not as impressive without the choir and dancing, but just use your imaginations.

*The preceding rant is brought to you by those brave men who ratified the Bill of Rights, the first amendment of which allows me to make the dirty Muhammad joke, no matter how offensive.

Just Jessica

2010-04-04T19:16:00.001-05:00

Rising from the dust yet again, I am back for another blog. I know, usually when I do these I am bitching about something but today will be different. Why? Because I feel different. Two weeks ago, two things happened to me.

One, I quit my job to strike out on my own again. No ill feelings to the old job, just felt it was time to mosey on down the road.

The second was Jessica. Two weeks ago I walked into Barton Street pub to meet some online friends in real life for some drinks. In looking for them, I ran into an old high school friend on his way out the door. I thought nothing of it and headed to the bar.

I noticed this beautiful girl dancing to the karaoke and noticed she kept looking at me.

She reminded me of this girl I knew in high school, one of the untouchable beautiful people that I had a crush on from the first day of freshman year. I walked up to ask her where she had gone to school and as it turned out, she was indeed the very girl I had drooled over in high school before I had grown the ego I have today. And for the record, just as hot now as she was then.

She asked me for my number under the auspices of looking up old friends from the reunion. I thought little of it and was just glad to talk to her. The next day she called me and asked what I was doing that night. Long story short, we went to Olive Garden and a movie. My inner 15 year old was giddy. I was on a date with the girl I had crushed on all through high school. We finished the night with a kiss on the cheek.

Now I know, those who know me are saying to yourselves, "Riiiight. Kiss on the cheek. Next you want me to believe rainbow ponies flew out you ass and sang the star spangled banner." Trust me.

For the last two weeks I have been dating one of the hottest girls I went to school with and taking it slow. I am also happier than I have been in years.

I am not saying I am settling down or picking out rings. I am saying she makes me happy just being around. No pretense. No worries. Just Jessica.

My new favorite song

2010-03-30T11:38:00.001-05:00

Love the Jay-Z and Alicia Keys duet this is based on but this had me rolling on the floor laughing my proverbial ass off. Thanks to geeksaresexy.net for posting it.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I now have a new found respect for Brad Pitt

2010-03-08T09:59:00.000-06:00

In case the video gets pulled for copyright, the clip which gives me respect for Brad Pitt is an interview with Bill Maher in which Brad comes out as an Atheist and presents a reasoned, even-handed approach to religion and how it affects public policy. Well done sir and kuddos to you.

Real Time - Brad Pitt on Religion
by Xrunner17

Want...Must...Have...

2010-03-05T23:30:00.000-06:00

This is what the iPad should have been. Makes me a bit sad it was Microsoft that came up with it.

Presenting...

2010-02-17T23:31:00.000-06:00

The number one reason I'm glad I'm not Catholic:

John Mayer, Silent Bob, and Me

2010-02-17T11:11:00.000-06:00

In the news this week we have a fat guy who can't fly Southwest (power to the fat guys), a singer who in an interview with Playboy decided to run his mouth and offend people to a point even Oprah won't let him on her show to cry and apologize, and all of the people who deign to judge them.

Lets start with Kevin Smith, a.k.a. Silent Bob for those less in the know. First, as a big fan off all of his work and a fellow fat man, big shout out to Kevin. Last time I flew Southwest, back in 1999, I was in the best physical condition of my life and still barely fit in their sardine can seats. Now, you would need a pry bar and tub of lube to get my 6'1" near 300 pound ass in those seats. To make any customer feel like shit is wrong and bad business. To do it in front of a plane full of people when you have purchased the multiple seats they require is bullshit. Hearing people bag on Kevin for his response has, to say the least annoyed me. If you are kicked off a flight even after following the rules and spending the extra money to buy a seat, be pissed. It is the correct response. To add to that, he is letting the fellow plus sized passengers know the bullshit that awaits them at Southwest. Carry on brother.

Now to John Mayer. John, you poor bastard. Did you not know that some people actually read Playboy interviews? I know, weird... Do you people not know there are naked women in there? Now to what John said. John in a stupid, misguided attempt to be witty and edgy proceded to call Jessica Simpson sexual napalm, which I must assume is true if any of my fantasies are accurate. But that wasn't the worst of it. He used the N-word in a reference Dave Chapelle might get away with but he lacks the melanin to pull off and then went into how he prefers masturbation to sex. He then went on to say his mind wasn't racist but his dick was David Duke. Then he lists African American actresses he would date if he could. John, you poor stupid man. Black jokes are only edgy if you are black. In your case, they just make you look racist to the point even Oprah won't let you on her show to apologize to the world. I understand. No, I really don't. I've said some stupid things in my day but I would totally bang a black girl^*, never drop the N-bomb, and be more judicious in my description of sex with Jessica Simpson. We do have one thing in common though. Oprah won't invite me on her show either. Just keep your head down for now and let the dust settle. And never say stupid shit like that again.

For those of you who judge people for one thing they say and not their body of work, kindly go fuck yourselves^** Have a nice day!

^{^*I would like to apologize for my insensitive comment about banging a black girl. I meant it in the most complementary way.}
^**If were offended by the go fuck yourself remark, you are the one I was directing it at. Just you. Nobody else. Now don't you feel special...

Photos from Texas Old Town

2010-02-01T15:04:00.001-06:00

These are some of the side photos I shot at Texas Old Town, south of Austin, during a wedding I was shooting with Annette and Tiffanie. Once the bride signs a release, the best of the photos from all three of us will be showcased at Annette McPherson Photography's blog and my own favorites will go here.

There are two reasons I don't have any of Annette and Tiffanie's shots showcased here. One, we haven't had a chance to upload and color correct the ridiculous number of awesome shots we got and two, most of their shots were bride and groom specific and we need the release signed. Technically we don't as there is a release in the contract but we like to do another as a courtesy. We all got amazing shots and I can't wait to put together the book for them and showcase the wedding here. The bride and groom are a beautiful couple, the venue was amazing, and the weather was awesome. The great photo shoot trifecta. Enjoy!

P.S. If you want great photos taken of your event, wedding, family, pets, grad, or just great photos of yourself mosey on over to http://annettemcphersonphotography.com and book your event now.

No More Trouble

2009-12-08T00:00:00.001-06:00

A message of hope from the late Bob Marley:

Changes

2009-12-06T03:14:00.000-06:00

She's gone. The words finally struck me as I got home from work at 3am and saw the one pillow on the bed. I've known for over a week that she was leaving. I wasn't even here to see her off. There is a long story behind why that I lack the energy to tell.

Part of me is happy to be on my own. I have spent all but two years of my adult life married and all of it living with others. I am finally learning to be alone and I like that. There is a deep and almost delicious melancholy one doesn't get to experience when trying to always be the rock in another's life. It reminds me that the highs in life have no meaning without lows to give them contrast.

Then there is pain. The pain of hurting the woman I have loved for half of my life enough to make her go. I know it is for the best, but its cause is the damage I did.

Tiffanie, I know I will never be able to put the pieces back together. I have wronged you irreparably and for that I will carry the burden to my grave. I ask not for your love, only your forgiveness.

Fun with distractions

2009-06-12T21:53:00.000-05:00

You know, every time something important is about to happen in Washington, politicians against producing anything actually beneficial to this country remember how easily the cumulative Attention Deficit Disorder of the nation is aroused. We start to move towards rational health care discussion in this country and instead we have Republicans posturing for a fight over a perfectly legitimate judge, more idiotic posturing over gay marriage, and new calls of "drill baby drill." Add to that, the national news media plays right into this with lead stories like the fight between the now defunct Miss California and Perez "I'm a dumbass" Hilton. While I support the gay rights movement completely, Perez Hilton sets the movement back a generation as a living, walking parody of every gay stereotype.

You see, even with me, I digress from the important point at hand to wallow in the silliness. What I originally meant to write about I have only touched on.

The most important issue facing this nation right now is health care reform. This nation needs an immediate shift in the way we view health care. In a free and civilized nation, health care as a privilege only to those who can afford it is a crime against humanity. Health care to every citizen is how the rest of the civilized world does it and it works. Canada has nationalized health care and despite the Republican myths, it works. We must have single payer, nationalized health care in this country. We must stop these silly distractions, ignore all of the talking points, and rally for national health care in this country and not stop the mantra until such time as our leaders serve the common good or we decide to revolt. No longer can corporate interests sever the common good in the medical field. Medicine must be a right in any truly free society and it is time we caught up with the rest of the free world.

Stand by me

2009-05-06T19:08:00.001-05:00

This is my favorite new video from my favorite new site:

http://tinyurl.com/dcvdsa

Watch it, watch the rest on the site, and if you don't feel moved by the music, see a doctor, you might just be dead.

It's the little things

2009-04-22T14:19:00.000-05:00

It truly is the little things that get you by in this crazy mixed up world. It is the morning hug from your daughter before she steps out of the car to go to school. It is the smell of a fresh brewed coffee being poured at the local cafe you have all to yourself. It is the waft of perfume from a passing girl that reminds you of another place and a simpler time. It is the laugh you get from a stranger as you tell a joke that isn't even that funny. This is a short post today, and hopefully it can count as one of your little things.

Who watches the Watchmen?

2009-03-08T01:52:00.000-06:00

I guess the more accurate question is, "Who SHOULD watch the Watchmen?" The answer, which was unclear to many moviegoers tonight, is definitely NOT children. We went to see this movie tonight, which was a solid portrayal of a graphic novel (read "comic book") written specifically for adults. The book really did put the GRAPHIC in graphic novel and the movie is an unflinching portrayal. I will not review it other than to say you have to be a sick fuck to enjoy it. Yes, I am a sick fuck.

For the average, sane, and well adjusted person this movie is too intense. To be accurate, it entails a sickeningly accurate portrayal of rape, brutal violence against women, intense violence involving bones crushing through the skin, and entire bodies literally being obliterated in a gory mess that would make Jason Voorhees blush. The nihilistic worldview and wanton violence alone are enough to justify an NC-17 rating but it gets worse. There is plenty of nudity and sex, including a glowing blue superhero whose radioactive cock gets plenty of airtime and on a stadium screen is about 6 feet tall.

Now for any consenting adult, if the description I just gave sounds good for you, go ahead and see the film. Then call a psychotherapist. If you are in need of the same mental help I am you will enjoy it.

I do ask one thing though. LEAVE YOUR KIDS AT HOME!!! In the front row of the theater was a whole row of children brought in by parents who clearly don't give a shit what their kids watch. For someone who can't tell reality from fiction, this movie will warp the fuck out of them. This film has a body count that rivals the holocaust and enough gore for ten sequels to Hostel. Having a giant blue cock in your face at that age won't help either. Hire a fucking babysitter. Can't afford one? Wear a fucking condom before you have the kid asshole.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some making up to do for inflicting this film on my wife. I didn't fully prepare her for this and the experience was traumatic. This movie really is not for sane people.

Why Facebook and Myspace suck

2009-03-04T14:29:00.000-06:00

So I have both a MySpace and Facebook account and they annoy me. MySpace annoys me because they filtered the link to this very site, claiming it violates some use policy. I think it is because I say things that might offend the slow witted here and that is the bulk of MySpace users. Facebook annoys me for another reason entirely. Every time you or your friends do something, Facebook posts a blurb about it to the entire friends list as though it were front page news. What ends up happening is my page is filled with blurbs like:

Joe Blow has just joined the cause, Nose Pickers Anonymous. Join him there.

Jane Doe just jabbed herself in the eye on Running with scissors.

Bob Jones just dropped a turd the size of Wisconsin.

You can't blog there, the ads in the sidebars are infected with malware 95% of the time, and in the end, I really don't give a shit what my friends are doing when they are bored. If you are doing something on Facebook, 99.9% of the time it is not important and 100% of the time it is boring to read about.

I'd write more, but my wife has me addicted to Vampire Wars on Facebook. Two more consecutive days logging in and I get a new special power. Damn you FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!

A note to congressional Republicans

2009-02-16T09:38:00.000-06:00

I have been watching the tone in Washington in the last few weeks and what I am seeing makes me sick. The partisan posturing of Republicans in the Senate and House has been nothing short of staggering. By most polls the majority of Americans support the package as it was passed. Barack Obama has reached across party lines repeatedly trying to find a bipartisan solution. Instead of taking his offer, Republicans have grabbed every reporter with a running camera to talk about how he hasn't reached across party lines. Most Americans don't realize this but the Republicans have spent $790 billion just on Iraq, a war against a country that couldn't hurt us and wasn't home to terrorists until we deposed the government keeping them out. Add to that another $206 billion for Afghanistan and you have blown away the stimulus package by leaps and bounds. It is time to spend some money on America. It is time to put Americans first. It is time for the Republican party to stop being lying little whiners and start doing what they were elected to do. If that doesn't sit well with Republicans, we can always vote the rest of their sorry asses out.

An open letter to Sarah Palin

2009-01-09T08:11:00.000-06:00

Dear Governor Palin,

I saw some clips on CNN this morning from interviews you did for a new documentary. In these clips you claimed the media portrayed you unfairly. For instance, in your comments about the interviews with Katie Couric, you admitted to faltering and blame the McCain campaign for not canceling the rest of the interview sessions once they saw the first one go poorly. You then go on to say that, had you been a Democrat, you would have received a more attractive portrayal.

Poor deluded Sarah. You were not belittled for being Republican. You were ridiculed for being an idiot. When you don't know that Africa is a continent, not a nation, you don't deserve to run a McDonald's, much less the most powerful nation on earth. You see, a savvy politician who has an interview go bad goes home and bones up on the topics they got hit hard on so in round two they can do damage control. A savvy politician also takes the opportunities offered to them by the interviewer to step away from bone headed remarks. When Katie offered you the opportunity to explain away your, "Russia is close to Alaska, so I have foreign policy experience" remarks, you should have taken it. Defending such a clearly stupid remark is yet another sign you are a stupid person.

Only adding fuel to the fire is your ludicrous stances on abortion, sex-education, and the teaching of Intelligent Design in schools. Even the Mormons allow for abortion when the pregnancy threatens the life of the mother or is a result of a sexual assault. Studies have shown many times over that teen pregnancy rates drop when real sex education is taught in schools. Finally, Intelligent Design is NOT SCIENCE. I don't have time to review the subtle requirements of the scientific method here so let us suffice to say that Intelligent Design doesn't even meet the first one.

We are just finishing the eight year term of a man who most agree is a dim bulb. The last thing this nation needs is a VP who makes him look like a Mensa member running on a ticket with an aging cancer survivor. Joe "Six-Pack" belongs at a tailgate party. Joe "I ran Harvard Law Review" is what this nation needs in the White House in a time of crisis. Understand, we don't mock you for your political beliefs. We don't even mock you for your redneck family. We mock you because you are an idiot.

Sincerely,

Michael Clarkson, Jr.

New year, new me

2009-01-08T08:43:00.000-06:00

Before I dig into the issues of the day, a quick update on the vegetarian experience. Almost a month into this and, with the exception of Christmas Eve and Christmas day, I have stayed with it. This whole vegetarian thing has been way easier than expected. First I was finally able to gain balance in my water retention, which was the first trigger for this change. I had been swelling in my hands and feet to the point where for the first time in my marriage I could not wear wedding band and my feet looked like water balloons. I haven't added salt to my food in ages but I finally cut out the hidden salt in foods by primarily cooking on my own. During this month my weight initially ballooned to the heaviest I have ever been, 307 lbs. I increased my water and fiber intake exponentially and that cleared that out. I have lost about 10 pounds from that peak and my ring and shoes fit again. It seems 300 lbs is my tipping point for the worst symptoms.

Now that my water balance is regulated weight loss will be slower but steady as long as I keep calories down, which is easy when you eat primarily vegetables. I use very limited tofu and soy products because of the negative effects soy can have on male hormones in high doses. Most of my protein comes from nuts, beans, milk, and cheese. I feel considerably more energy and for at least the foreseeable future can't see going back to my old carnivorous ways. I may add meat back once I reach my target weight but the portions will never again reach the size they once were.

On other subjects, I have been following the trouble in Israel and it scares me. While a short term cease fire may soon happen I cannot see any permanent peace in the foreseeable future. I wish it were as black and white as some paint it but it really isn't. The Palestinians were wronged when their land was taken from them to create the state of Israel. The current people of Israel didn't do that though, that was a wrong of a previous generation. What this boils down to is an ancient fight for who gets to inherit the land that both Jewish and Islamic tradition count as holy. There is no clear cut "right" answer to that question. The current fight is being pushed by radicals on both sides.

In all of this mess there is one undeniable fact, the use of civilians as human shields by Hezbollah is deplorable. By placing their rockets on the rooftops of schools and firing on Israel from urban areas they goad the Israeli forces into returning fire and creating horrible collateral damage. Further, these terrorists fire rockets indiscriminately into Israel, killing the innocent but then protest when, in returning fire defensively, Israel harms civilians. I can only see one solution. Mainstream followers of Islam, you must rise up and stop Hezbollah. Only by standing against these who corrupt your religion and give all Muslims a bad name can we come to a peace agreement and possibly a free Palestine. It is the responsibility of all decent Muslims, which I know far outnumber the wingnuts, to force these radicals out of your society. Do it in the name of your children and the possibility of a free and peaceful Palestine.

I weep with you as you bury your children. No parent should ever have to bury their child. Put a stop to this violence before more children die. It is my hope that once cooler heads have prevailed, voices of reason can see past dogma and the wounds of the past to forge peace and that peace spreads across the entire world. I look forward to a day when no parent buries a child as a result of violence.

Merry Christmas from your friendly neighborhood Atheist

2008-12-24T17:46:00.001-06:00

I know, strange words to hear from an atheist. One might instead expect a, "Bah, humbug!" So why would an ardent critic of all religion be wishing you a Merry Christmas?

Before my parents get their hopes up, I still don't believe in God or that he had a son. What I do believe in is the power of the Christ story to bring out the best and worst in society. At Christmas time, through all of the bustle and road rage, I witness small, unselfish acts that remind us of what the Christ story was supposed to be about.

As you gather with friends and family this holiday, no matter what your belief system is, take some time out to do at least one small, selfless thing for someone in your life. Whether to "glorify your God" or simply to improve the species, do something to ensure we all have a merry Christmas.

Vegetarian Goodness day 4

2008-12-15T22:45:00.000-06:00

So, for health reasons (I am a fat ass who was sprinting to a heart attack) I have become a vegetarian. I am on day four into the world of rabbit food and I have to admit, I don't miss meat that much. That is not to say I would be able to walk into a steakhouse and order a salad but I can get out of a Burger King without a twinge. I feel better, I have noticeably more energy, and I never get up from the table groaning and looking for a wheel barrow to get my ass to the car. At least at this point, four days in, it feels good. I'll keep you posted in case I get to the point I decide to kill someone for a lick of steak.

It is kind of weird writing a blog that doesn't have me screaming obscenities about some outrage. So to end in true form, fuck the fucking fuckers. There. That feels better.

Day 3

2008-12-14T14:10:00.000-06:00

So here I am at day three. When I started this vegetarian thing I figured by day 3 I would kill someone for a lick of a steak. I had a breakfast this morning of a fresh mango and an apple. My lunch will consist of a sandwich with fresh cucumber, tomato, avocado, herb goat cheese, and a slice of provolone on 12 grain bread. I don't really miss meat that much. I'm not saying I could sit in a high end steak house and not go nuts but I am doing alright.

Changes

2008-12-13T18:29:00.000-06:00

Cows of the world may breathe a sigh of relief. As of yesterday I have become a vegetarian. Surprised? So was I. After a good hard look at my health I realized I need a healthy change. So I have cut out both meat and most processed foods. Why? The only fat vegetarians I have ever met are ones who eat high fat, high salt processed foods like chips and fried foods. So I have stuck primarily to raw fruits and vegetables, whole grain breads, and the occasional dash of cheese. I have supplemented this with multi-vitamins to make up for the nutrients missing from the standard vegetarian diet.

What I have discovered in the last 48 hours is an increase in energy, a decrease in blood pressure, and after I eat I don't have the feeling that I need a wheel barrow to wheel my fat ass to the car. I will be making note of my progress here. As of now my weight is about 302 lbs. and my blood pressure is at 130/85. I wear a 42" waist pant. Lets see where this takes me.

A truly black Friday

2008-12-01T21:51:00.000-06:00

First, I want to send my condolences to the family of Jdimytai Damour, the 34 year old New York Wal-Mart employee trampled to death by the stampeding bargain hunting savages.

I have watched those in the media try to blame it on Wal-Mart, the police, or the sale itself and each time they do I get a little angrier. Have we as a species descended so far that the people in that line can't be blamed for the horrid acts they have committed in the name of greed? How far have we sunk as a nation that we don't stop to realize that the only people to blame are the fucking animals who crashed through those doors and snuffed out the life of an innocent man? All this just for the sake of a fucking deal on a fucking Xbox, Wii, or whatever other piece of electronics stuffed plastic the media have convinced us we are bad parents if we don't get?

Does anyone else see what kind of society we have created? The fucking animals refused to leave the store when police tried to clear the store! After they trampled a man to death, they started shopping. THIS MAN WILL NEVER SEE ANOTHER CHRISTMAS BECAUSE OF THESE ANIMALS AND THEY FUCKING CONTINUED TO SHOP! Yet analysts in the media have the gaul to try pinning the blame on everything but the mob who valued deals over human life.

To every steaming pile of shit to step through those doors that morning, every worthless waste of flesh who used this poor man as a door mat, I hope you look at the gifts under your tree this year and remember EXACTLY what they cost. I hope every time you close your eyes at night, you hear the screams of Jdimytai Damour's family in your ears. I hope every step you take you remember that your feet helped trample the life out of an innocent man just so you could buy cheap shit. Live a long life, remembering exactly what you did. Merry fucking Christmas you worthless wastes of fucking flesh.

Wise words from Keith Olbermann

2008-11-12T19:48:00.000-06:00

Keith Olbermann had a great commentary on the Proposition 8 issue that I think everyone, no matter what their stance on the issue, should see.

In case Youtube removes it for copyright violation the gist is that this issue is about the human heart. Why should an issue like this matter to those who voted for it or supported Prop 8? People keep talking about redefining marriage. Without a redefinition of marriage in 1967, blacks and whites could not be married in 16 states. The parents of the new president could not have been married in almost one third of the country he has now been elected to lead. Nobody is asking you to accept their expression of love. They are only asking you to embrace the concept of love. 50% of marriages fail no matter how much you try and here is a group of people overjoyed at taking that chance on lifelong love. With so much hate and meaningless division in the world, this is what your religion tells you to do? If you want to honor your God, spread happiness. Show me any scripture in any holy book against this and then tell me how you can believe that and the scripture that reads, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

While my paraphrase doesn't do the video justice, you get the point. If for some reason this video gets pulled from youtube, find it somewhere and watch it. It is important.

Accepted American Bigotry

2008-11-05T13:26:00.000-06:00

So overall the elections went well, unless you count every ban on gay marriage up for a vote passing. We have finally elected a black president but we still see fit in this country to deny people in love the right to marry simply because of Judeo Christian bigotry against homosexuality. To all of my gay and lesbian friends, my heart goes out to you. To borrow from the civil rights movement, we shall overcome.

History in the making

2008-11-04T22:08:00.000-06:00

As I sit here catching my breath I am filled with hope. CNN just made the official call that Barack Obama will be president. When Martin Luther King spoke of having been to the mountain top and having seen the promised land, a day like today is what he saw. The realization of the dream begins its culmination tonight. I am such a swirl of emotion right now I don't feel I can wax sufficiently poetic to capture the significance of this moment but I felt I must log this moment in time. It is my hope that this night will truly change the course of our nation. Words fail me.

UPDATE: McCain just conceded. His concession speech is the best he has given this whole election. It is both graceful and gracious. Well fought Senator McCain. Your concession speech has set a tone of unification after a divisive and long election. Thank you.

The Big Day

2008-11-04T13:30:00.000-06:00

I voted this morning. It is the first time I have ever voted almost straight Democrat. Most importantly, I placed my vote for Barack Obama, the first politician to ever inspire me. As I try to make it through the day without gluing myself to the hundred channels of election coverage I find myself both worried and hopeful at once.

As I stood in a record line this morning filled with young first time voters in a precinct that usually looks like a sparsely populated retirement home I felt a glimmer of hope. By the discussions going on in line there were at least eight Obama voters in a row in front of me and two more in back meaning in a district filled with McCain signs there were at least 11 people in a row casting a vote for change. It felt good to be a in a little flotilla of blue in a sea of red state voters.

As the final days of the campaign wound down I stopped focusing as much on the dirty lies of the McCain supporters and looked at the other issues around the country. Two popped immediately into view.

First, the dirty ad campaign of Elizabeth Dole claiming that Kay Hagan was supported by the Godless Americans and implying that she made promises to that group were as vile as all of the racist things said about Barack Obama. What offended me more though was that Kay Hagan not only defended her faith and denied the lies that she had made promises to the Godless Americans but in doing so implied that Godless Americans are an Anti-American group to be feared. I am a Godless American you intolerant hate mongering bigots. The time is coming when Americans will see the lies about us for what they are and equate them with the stories Nazis told about the Jews. The smartest among us are Atheists. Does being smart make you a bad American?

Speaking of hate mongering, I have something to say about Proposition 8 in California. I think any California resident reading this should call their local civil rights attorney and start a class action lawsuit to strip any religion that has contributed to this hate filled campaign of its precious tax exempt status. That's right Mormons, I am looking squarely at you. You still believe that in the Celestial Kingdom all righteous men will have more than one wife and have only suspended polygamy here due to bigamy laws. Don't believe me? The manifesto of 1890 only repeals the practice, not the doctrine. You of all people should be ones to talk about a "1 man, 1 woman" definition of marriage. Most of all, Mormon interference in this election by supporting Prop 8 from both wallet and pulpit stands in direct violation of federal tax codes governing church tax exempt status. Catholics and Baptists, you are in the same boat. All of your hate mongering money machines need to be taxed and taxed now. Religion is a multi-billion dollar industry. When your pulpit and coffers are used to support legislation of any kind you should be subjected to the same taxes as the rest of us. When you worship in private and keep it private, I have no problem. When you play in the public sphere, you must also pay in the public sphere. Until you open your pockets and pony up taxes like everyone else, your mouths need to stay the fuck shut.

Braindump

2008-10-30T13:05:00.000-05:00

Every so often here in Untitled Life I feel the need to write but have so much information I wish to convey that it all comes out at once and rarely in a full cohesive thought. That is when we have the fun of a braindump where I throw up all of my thoughts in a single stream of though post and let you sort it out... or slink away slowly to call the men in white coats to pick me up.

First, last Sunday was the First Annual Texas Freethought Convention. It went well even considering some planning mixups. Originally I had been set to speak but due to scheduling and two big name speakers coming out, I got bumped. I did get to perform the de-baptisms which was a fun, tongue in cheek way for those baptized as children to undo something done to them without their consent. Purely symbolic silliness but it was all in good fun. Overall it was a great day and I was lucky enough to meet some fellow atheists from all over Texas, giving me hope for this red state. A special shout out goes to Anastasia, my fellow recovered Mormon, and Kelli and Staise, the documentary filmmakers and fellow hardcore atheists who will be immortalizing this first here in Texas. Also, much love to FACT, American Atheists, and all of the other local and national organizations that made this possible.

In other news, it looks like Barack will win the White House. That said, I will not breathe a sigh of relief until they have sworn him in. If McCain wins even with the polls predicting a Barack landslide I am taking to the streets. I don't care if I am the only person in this red state protesting. I get the feeling I won't be. Republicans be warned. The American people are tired of your dirty politics. We will not have another election stolen.

My wife got the call Tuesday that her great grandmother had been diagnosed with late stage Hodgkin's Lymphoma. While she will be going through chemo her prognosis looks grim. Ester is the kind of grandmother everyone wishes for. She is always ready with a smile and a hug for her family. Until recently she could run circles around any of us, maintaining a little shop in the flea market and caring for her many grand and great grandchildren. She has led an amazing life and if I can leave this world accomplishing half of her life I will die feeling fulfilled. Ester, we love you and if you leave us, you will be mourned and missed.

Heros and Monsters

2008-09-22T16:26:00.000-05:00

"Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster and if you gaze into the abyss the abyss gazes into you." — Friedrich Nietzsche

America currently stands on a precipice overlooking a great abyss. This soul sucking chasm's gaping jaws await as on all sides we are pushed towards it by the "monsters" we are told are seeking to kill us. Fear is used by our leaders to prod us into giving up our basic liberties. Our collective rage is quelled and misdirected by leaders who scare us with shadow puppets. We need a hero.

The hero is one who can shine the light on the puppet show and rid us of the shadow monsters, leaving only the puppet masters and the real monsters. This opens avenues of escape once blocked by fear. This hero needs to guide us away from the precipice and rally our nearly broken spirits. There are real monsters to fight and we must be ready for them.

Every day I gaze into this abyss that looms so large, wondering if anyone else even sees it. Some days it gazes back. There are days when I find the fight to pull the world from the edge exhausting. I know I am not the hero this world needs. My light simply isn't big enough to dispel all of the shadow monsters. I can see the puppet masters with their giant lights, projecting monstrous shadows yet few around me can see the same.

I feel like I am standing by a train track, watching those around me standing on the tracks. I am screaming warnings of an oncoming train but they are too immersed in their iPods to hear me. When I try to pull out their ear buds to scream the warning, they simply anger that I have stopped the music and refuse to hear anything further. I wonder if they will move when the tracks start to rumble or will they even notice? Maybe when the glaring light is bearing down on them, or will they simply think it sunrise?

Is there anybody listening or am I simply screaming into the storm?

How can this happen?

2008-09-09T07:10:00.000-05:00

How can the race between John McCain and Barack Obama be this close? After eight years of an idiotic right wing nut job in the house that almost no one approves of, how can the Republicans in America want more of the same? Can we afford another pair in the White House who think God put them there? Can we afford two ardent supporters of a war that was started on a lie and is currently responsible for trillions of dollars of debt? If we as a nation were to spend half of what we have wasted on this war of lies here at home, not one child in this country would go without health care. Invested in education, millions of lower income students could turn the tide of poverty by going to college. Republicans talk of ending the "welfare state" and yet refuse to invest in the one idea that can fix that, education. Instead they send our young men and women into countries that hate us to die bringing democracy to countries that want theocracy. Speaking of theocracy, should John McCain die in the White House, likely due to his age and health history, we would have someone in the White House who believes that God put her there to enact "his" plan to rid the world of abortions, even for rape victims. She would continue by furthering "his" plan to end the teaching of evolution and replace it with creationism. She would set up the Christian answer to Sharia Law in this country. We have to stop this lunacy and we have to stop it now. We must do everything we can to prevent the election of McCain/Palin.

Sarah Palin

2008-09-03T06:58:00.000-05:00

Holy fuck on a stick. Sarah Palin, the new Republican VP nominee, scares the living bejesus out of me. If John McCain wins, this far right wingnut Pentecostal will be one heartbeat away from the presidency. If this woman doesn't make you scared, you either aren't paying attention or should be committed. This woman wants Creationism in our science classes, God in our government, no sex ed in schools, and no abortions for anyone, ever. This in 2008. This is the best Republican can come up with? Are they out of their fucking minds? Rhetorical question...

First, I know a few Pentecostals and they are generally good people. Good people who believe they can speak in tongues, believe the Bible to be the infallible word of God, the sick can be healed through prayer, and one can be "saved" through "acceptance of Jesus Christ." That is fine for an individual who isn't making key decisions on how the most powerful nation on earth is run.

The bottom line about abortion is it is a valid medical procedure for women who for one reason or another can't carry the pregnancy. There are plenty of valid reasons for it and the decision in the end must be between the woman and her Doctor. If you don't own a uterus, you don't get to be involved.

Abstinence education DOES NOT FUCKING WORK! Texas teen pregnancy rates are through the roof here in Texas as a direct correlation. Condoms save lives, prevent disease, and prevent unwanted pregnancy. Parents in America are so sexually repressed that they can't teach their kids what a condom is and how to use one. Teens have sex. Teens who are educated about it are more likely to wait to start having sex and once they do are smarter about it. Studies have come in by the thousands that real, honest sex education prevents disease and pregnancy. Anyone fucking stupid enough to deny that has no business in a position of power, period.

Creationism is the clear attempt of religious lunatics, the people who brought you the inquisition and flat earth theory, to pry their way back into science classrooms. Creationism and intelligent design are NOT FUCKING SCIENCE. They are religious propaganda.

In the final analysis, if you want a theocracy, vote Republican. If you want sane, rational government, vote Obama. People like Sarah Palin must be fought at all turns in the same way one might oppose Adolf Hitler.

I was gonna let it go...

2008-08-19T00:29:00.000-05:00

I was going to let CNN's telecast of the Presidential Evangelical forum pass. I swear I was going to pretend not to give a shit. I figured there would be no surprises, and there really wasn't. The questions were all softball lob shots with no surprise questions. It was a nonstop love-fest with the standard fare about pro-life / pro-choice, platitudes, and empty pandering to the evangelical set. I was going to leave all of that be. That is until every single mouth breathing neanderthal talk radio host on both sides couldn't shut off their drool holes about it. The conservatives complained that the interviewer was not a real Evangelical because he doesn't discuss sin enough in his church. The liberals were annoyed by the clearly conservative slant of the questions. By the end of the day all I wanted to do was relax after foaming at my radio sufficiently doctors almost gave me a rabies shot.

So I sit down to surf the net and chill. The problem is, CNN is my homepage. Then I just had to pop. The most important point that every single pundit misses has nothing to do with whether the church hosting the forum was to liberal or conservative. The biggest problem with this forum is that it was in a church, hosted by a minister, and the product of this religious exercise is being used to help choose the president of a nation whose constitution strictly prohibits the mixing of church and state. You might as well just fucking inaugurate Sun Myung Moon. Son of a bitch, we did...

Are they all insane?

2008-08-06T21:36:00.000-05:00

The more I listen to politicians on both sides, the less sane I think they are. Take the energy policy debate. You have the "DRILL HERE, DRILL NOW" crowd screaming for new offshore drilling and drilling in ANWR. On the other side we have the Democrats calling for no new drilling at all and instead investing in "green" technology. Somehow there is no middle ground. There are thousands of ready made wellheads, ready for drilling and no one is stopping the oil companies from drilling. There is no need to fight for ANWR or extra offshore drilling locations. We need to invest further in "green" technologies that will move us away from dependence on oil. We need all of this and we need it now. The most annoying part is that not one politician is needed for these decisions. Oil companies already have clearance for thousands of acres of drillable land. There are plenty of market demands for green technology. No governmental interference required.

More ranty goodness...

2008-08-06T11:40:00.000-05:00

So here I am, on the flip side of 30 and living a better life than I did at 20. Some people talk about wanting to be 20 or 25 again. I wouldn't go back if you paid me. I lead a good life. I am more conscious of the world around me. I am free to think and say what I want and be who I am. Some days that makes me so happy it almost hurts. Other days I also feel the burden of knowledge.

The other night I went out to grab some dessert for Tiff and I. When I returned she was watching "Platinum Weddings" on WE. I sat down to enjoy some mindless television with her. As the show progressed there were two things that stood out to me. The first was the ridiculous amount of money this woman was spending on an event that would only last a few hours. I understand the feminine desire for a nice wedding. I get that these can be pricey. This woman blew over $500,000 for this event, including a $30,000 cake, $120,000 in jewels, and thousands of other insane items. Her mother was footing a large part of the bill. Her mother was born and raised in Haiti. Haiti is one of the nations the U.S. State Department advises U.S. citizens not to travel to due to political unrest. It also has a child death rate of one in eight, rampant poverty, and starvation. The cost of this woman's wedding could feed thousands of Haitian children for a long time. I understand this woman's right to spend her money however she wants. I am just aghast at such conspicuous consumption from someone whose roots are in a land that is dying more every day.

Then I remember that even here in this country children die of malnutrition. Every day in this country, millions of children will go hungry. We need not look to the third world to find starvation and needless death. We in the richest nation on earth need only travel a few miles in any direction. Every day thousands of uninsured children are turned away from medical care that could save their lives because their parents make too much for free medical care but not enough for insurance. Every day in every city in America there are children whose only meal of the day is the lunch provided at their school.

Have we become the new Roman Empire? Has the American elite forgotten the fall of Caesar? In a land where children are dying it takes someone truly self centered to burn that much money, a fraction of which could spare hundreds of people suffering, on such a self indulgent exercise in narcissism. Weddings should be about the sharing of love and the vowing of devotion, not spending enough to feed a small country as an opulent display of self love and delusions that you are important. The woman in this story kept referring to this wedding as "her day." The groom almost seemed to be more of a decoration than half of this ceremony.

My wife and I are examples that a wedding doesn't have to cost much to have real meaning. We were married on the beach and the most expensive thing was the minister for $100. Even if you factor in the rings which were purchased much earlier our wedding cost less than $3,000. We have been married almost seven years now and I love her more today than the day we said, "I do." What I love most about her is the way she loves me, with her whole heart and unconditionally.

More political ranting brought to you by the Supreme Court.

2008-06-26T13:08:00.000-05:00

The Supreme Court cranked out a few tough decisions over the last couple of days. I support their choice on repealing the death penalty in child rape cases simply for the number of falsely convicted fathers out there whose vindictive ex-wives frame them. Frankly, if the case were clearly and unequivocally provable I would personally kill them slowly by beheading with a butter knife. I just can't get behind execution in cases that are not an exact science. I understand the close split on this and for that I give them a pass on this decision.

What irks me is the narrow margin by which second amendment rights were supported. Before I go further let me refresh everyone's memory as to the exact wording of the amendment.

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

I support the decision of the court that banning the owning of firearms by private citizens is unconstitutional. Strange to hear from a liberal, isn't it? The court supported reasonable legislation but restricted states from completely banning firearms. What disturbs me is that this decision was not unanimous. To be clear, the job of the Supreme Court is to interpret the Constitution and apply it to the cases brought before it. Whatever the personal belief of the judge, the Constitution must reign supreme. The intent of the writers of the amendment is quite clear. The people's right to bear arms is maintained specifically to form militias to protect themselves from the government. These men had just fought off an oppressive regime using a militia formed by men with their own personal guns. It was tantamount to the founders that, should the government ever become oppressive, the people must be able to rise up. A government not scared of its people will trample its people. Look at every major genocidal regime in history. They started by disarming their people. The enemy of tyranny is a well educated and armed populace. That bears saying again.

The enemy of tyranny is a well educated and armed populace.

I hate that defense of the right to bear arms falls to the uneducated dolts of the Christian right who inherently tie guns to conservatism. Defense of liberty is a very liberal ideal. There is no reason to let the conservatives take this ideal and run with it. More importantly, the justices of the Supreme Court have no business attempting to legislate from the bench. The intent of the framers of the Constitution is quite clear. Allowing infringement of the rights of the people to keep and bear arms is directly controverting the very duty of the Supreme Court. The four justices who attempted to reinterpret the intent of the second amendment were one vote away from doing away with one of our basic liberties, the right to defend ourselves. Justices John Paul Stevens, David H. Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Stephen G. Breyer, you shame the institution of the Supreme Court and sully the reputation of its justices by ignoring the real intent of the document you are sworn to defend.

Getting Older

2008-06-26T00:23:00.000-05:00

Now that I have pissed off the three religions most likely to declare holy war, it is time to wax reflective. Whoever said 30 is the new 20 needs to have a semi-automatic shotgun shoved up his ass without lube and have the trigger pulled until it clicks. You know you are getting old when you turn on the classic rock station and hear the stuff that came out when you were in high school. Metallica's Load album is not classic yet, is it? For that matter, could it ever be? I digress. I had my hair cut today only to reveal more gray hair. I'm turning 30, not 60. I shouldn't have this much gray hair. I actually found a few grays on my chest. A kid I taught in Sunday school when he was 5 is 14 now. My brother, a kid whose diapers I changed, is a 6'5" 19 year old.

To top it off, George Carlin, the edgy comedian I have loved for years, is dead now. I am watching his tribute marathon, remembering all of the laughs he brought to my time on this planet. In his 71 years on this rock his comedy made people think, laugh, and often run in terror. You will be missed George. In your honor I end with your most famous seven words.

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits"

Unleashing the misanthrope

2008-06-17T19:30:00.000-05:00

You know there are some days my inner misanthrope wants to come out. In these days I look at society and wonder if it can be saved. I look more and more at the issues of faith and religion and the harder I look, the harder it is to understand how the species keeps on going. The New Testament is historically impossible, not just improbable. The Old Testament God needs serious medication and the story is less likely than the gods of Mount Olympus. The Koran is the psychotic ranting of a nutjob, pedophile, misogynistic, warmongering, genocidal maniac. Here in America we are surrounded by shallow, stupid, buffoons who would rather vote for the next American Idol than a president. When they do vote it is for candidates with the best hair or smile rather than their position on the topics that matter. This is how you explain Rick Perry, perfect hair and teeth but not one functioning brain cell. Sometimes I just wish smart people would step back and let the idiots kill themselves off, natural selection style. Darwinian evolution has been hindered by safety measures for too long. The stupid should be left to cut off their own genetic lines in the most horrifically stupid ways. If you don't know or haven't figured out what a misanthrope is, go step in front of a fast moving bus...

Maybe I should lay off the CNN for a few days... It creates anger management issues by robbing faith in the viability of the human species...

P.S. In case you were wondering, yes, I just called Mohammed a pedophile and a maniac, Jesus a myth, God a psycho, Americans morons, and no, I am not apologizing. Truth sucks. Deal with it.

It types like stimulus...

2008-05-12T22:18:00.000-05:00

So I have a new toy thanks to the wonderful folks in the United States Congress. Since the government was sending out free money (I'm going to ignore the fact that I paid about 5 times the amount of my "stimulus" in taxes) I decided to invest in my business with a tool that also makes my wife's photography business more productive. We purchased a new Macbook and a 24" external monitor for the primary purposes of photo editing and web design. Of course the side effect is we have a freaking cool laptop with an absolutely sick monitor. I love this shit almost enough to forget that the money they sent was only a small chunk of the massive chunk taken from my hard earned paycheck at gunpoint. If you don't believe the gunpoint, try not paying your taxes a few years in a row. It is like having a thief rob you at gunpoint, take all of your cash and cards, toss a couple of fives at you, and then tell you to get something nice. At least with this nice thing I can make more money... so they can take more money... so the can fund more stimulus checks... Son of a bitch... for a moment I was so happy about my new shit...

Time for change

2008-05-08T09:10:00.000-05:00

As you all know, I lost my job a couple of months ago. I have been working as an independent and am actually making a good bit more than I made at my last job. There are a couple of major differences. One, I cannot guarantee I will make as much this week as last week. Two, I have found out that my wife and I are un-insurable. I am ready and looking to purchase good health insurance. My wife and I have no major ongoing medical problems but to insure us will cost more than rent unless we both lose a significant amount of weight. I am stuck in a catch 22. If I spend the money for insurance, I am basically throwing money down a hole in the hopes that they will cover us in a major medical problem, which is never guaranteed. If I don't and then one of us is sick or hurt we will never be able to get coverage for that illness or injury. Even if we lost 40 pounds each insurance would cost just under $500/month for the three of us. Our normal medical costs for six months don't even run that. I make too much money for Medicaid, even for my daughter, but not enough to justify burning $500 a month on something I won't use enough to justify the costs.

The big problem here is that I am not at or below the poverty line. I make more than a significant number of Americans with that number going up every year. I am right in the middle of the middle class and moving up fast. If I can't insure my family, who can? Something has to change and it has to change now. We need sensible health care reform. We need to stand up for a change. We as Americans can't accept the status quo anymore. There is no way we can simply "let the market sort it out." The insurance industry has gone too far, gotten too corrupt, and has ceased to serve the needs of the American people. There is no excuse for the most powerful nation on earth not to be able to provide medical care to every citizen, regardless of class or income. The amount we spend invading foreign countries alone could fund health care for all indefinitely. We have to change our thinking and look at the successful nations of Europe and the Netherlands. Their people are happy, healthy, and not driven into the ground by the costs of medical care. They work fewer hours, live longer lives, and enjoy less of a gap between their richest and poorest citizens.

It's the end of the world as we know it...

2008-04-24T15:19:00.000-05:00

...and I feel tired...

As you all know, I am a news junkie. This explains my reliance on blood pressure medication. Listening to CNN over the past few weeks has had me popping them like candy. I have a large amount of ground to cover so strap in.

First lets hit "Issue #1" as CNN calls it, the economy. I swear if I see one more pundit push up his nerd glasses and say, "Well technically we are not in a recession in the classic sense of the term..." I will blow a gasket. The jobless rate is up, the cost of food is skyrocketing, and soon the dollar will replace Charmin on rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom. Adding fuel to that fire, in a quite literal sense, oil prices have hit the ceiling and promise not to stop. Soon you will have to put a tank of gas on layaway. Rice is being rationed, corn is in short supply because some dumb fuckers are fueling their cars with it, even though it is not one bit cleaner than gasoline, and the cost of wheat is insane.

Second, you have many religious people looking at this situation and celebrating the coming Armageddon saying, "These are all just signs Jesus is coming soon." Problem is, they say that every time the world hits a crisis. Still no Jewish zombies with hand and foot piercings running around. Get off your knees and lets actually try to fix this shit.

Third, the Democrats are yet again aiming to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. That vile bitch Hillary may just steal this one, disenfranchising millions of voters who are voting for the first time. I, along with millions of others, will sit this election out if she steals it.

Forth, while I still support Obama, this Jeremiah Wright business scares the shit out of me. Jeremiah Wright is a vile, racist, hate-monger whose very existence sets back race relations 50 years. Barack, you have to condemn his psychotic hate speech and let the world know he is never to be your advisor on tie color, much less anything else. Hate mongering assholes like him are the reason I am an atheist activist.

With all that said of Jeremiah Wright, I have the same opinion of Pat Robertson and the rest of the right wing hate mongers the Republicans hang out with. If there were a heaven and people like Jeremiah Wright, Pat Robertson, and Jerry Falwell are indicative of those in it, I will gladly take myself to hell.

Finally, I am sick and fucking tired of the idiocracy in this country. Why is it a bad thing for Barack Obama to be smarter than the average American and flaunt it? I want an elite president. To paraphrase Jon Stewart, "I want a president who is so obscenely smarter than me it is no longer funny." This guy is leader of the free world. We simply can't afford to have the average drinking buddy, and I'm looking at you Hillary "shot and a beer" Clinton, in the White House. We need someone for whom the SAT and ACT would be a morning brain exercise. We do not need another dimwit who doesn't understand math, economics, science, and technology. We definitely don't need another president who says, "When it comes to evolution, the jury is still out." I am sick of having intellectual superiority be something to hide and be ashamed of. More people in this country have voted for an American Idol than any president. Fucking uneducated bastards who have a better chance of knowing Tila Tequila's life story than Thomas Jefferson's. You stupid fucks are dragging this country down with mindless television, Fox News, and a complete inability to accept logic on any level.

Where are my fucking blood pressure pills???

Democrats Getting Religion

2008-04-09T09:26:00.000-05:00

In an article on CNN.com Roland S. Martin succeeded in getting my morning started with a migrane. See the article here:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/04/08/roland.martin/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Go ahead and read it, I'll wait. I need a moment to let the steam cool before I pop.

In a nation that is supposed to have a "wall of separation" between church and state we have to deal with politicians pandering to the religious. It makes me sick. Why does it matter? Here in the real world we have people dying because of government and religion mixing. In Texas we have a teen pregnancy and STD rate that would be shameful for a central African nation. Why? Our teachers are required to teach abstinence only education. Here is a fun fact, condoms save lives. When religious idiots start tampering in government, they ignore facts for faith and people die.

Roland goes out of the way to mention the religious hot button issues of homosexuality and abortion as things the Democrats need to address. They have. Democrats have come out against bigotry and hatred and stopped the ridiculous marriage amendments where they could. Frankly they need to come out and further grant the same rights enjoyed by married couples to same sex couples. Who a person loves should not make them a second class citizen. On the abortion issue, there are many perfectly valid reasons for terminating a pregnancy. The bottom line is that a woman's body is hers and hers alone. If she doesn't want to give birth it is her right to not drop something the size of a watermelon through her pelvis. Deal with it.

The bottom line is that faith is simply an unwillingness to continue seeking the truth. While that may work for most on a personal level we have to find a clear and evidence based path for our society. There is no evidence for ANY religion so it has no place in public policy.

It is only 9:51 a.m. and I already need a scotch...

The death of the youth vote

2008-03-30T09:54:00.000-05:00

This election is history making. This is the first time in the history of the United States we have the opportunity to elect either a black man or a woman to the highest office in the land. These primaries have seen a record turnout from voters of all ages. Contributing to this flood of voters is the youth vote, motivated by a chance for change.

Sadly, the Democratic Party doesn't seem to want the young, fresh voting public not to become the jaded assholes they are. The archaic and disgustingly stupid rules of the Democratic party primary process threaten to crush what little faith in the election process we had. The election rules may allow the old guard (a.k.a. "Super Delegates") to ignore the popular vote and put into place one of their own. If you think Hillary isn't one of their own, ask yourself, why did she not once vote against George Bush on the war? If the Super Delegates go against the popular vote, she will have pulled a "George Bush", stealing the nomination. Once again, they will have snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. The last two elections were lost by choosing the only two nitwits on the planet who could lose to George W. Bush. Now they have apparently decided to lose it before they even begins. How? If they give the nomination to Hillary Clinton, voters like myself will either sit this one out or *ugh* vote Republican... I need a moment to vomit...

Note the the DNC: if the nomination process is not changed, your party has seen its last election. If you want the youth vote, you need to stop lying to them about their vote actually counting and instead actually make it count. Also, when the rules get changed mid-game (i.e. seating Florida) you simply drive another nail into the coffin. You want your party to survive, instruct the Super Delegates to follow the popular vote and then eliminate them in the next election cycle. While you are at it, set up some rules to prevent the "Operation Chaos" dittohead Rush lackeys from influencing the nomination.

Video from last year

2008-03-26T01:18:00.000-05:00

Joe Zamecki of the Texas office of American Atheists just posted a video of my speech at the Separation of Church and State Rally on the steps of the Texas State Capitol and now I share it with you all.

Thanks for posting it Joe.

Changes

2008-03-10T22:22:00.000-05:00

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life..." What a load of cliché tripe.

Today I joined the ranks of the unemployed. I have been here a few times before but this time is different. This time I was laid off, on good terms, from the best job I have had to date, I have debt up to my eyeballs, the economy sucks, inflation is on the rise, and somehow, I am not worried. I know I should be but this is the most prepared I have ever been. I left DOYLES on good terms and was given fair treatment considering the circumstances. I harbor nothing but fond memories of that job. I have an insane amount of experience and skills in my field. I have options. I have hope.

The question arises though, do I go it alone? Should I use my skills as an independent contractor, braving the bumpy but possibly very profitable ride of the entrepreneur? Should I take the "safe" less profitable route and get a regular 8-5 job with the semi-guarantee that I will have that job next week? I am not sure. I should be scared out of my mind by that but I am not. Maybe I've gone nuts. Time will tell. I'll keep you posted.

The audacity of hope

2008-02-27T08:51:00.000-06:00

Lest anyone accuse me of plagiarism, I am borrowing the title of this post from Barack Obama's book. Watching the campaign closely I have seen a trend in Hillary's attacks steadily downward. Most recently she has stooped to the new low of childishly parodying his soaring rhetoric, calling it in essence naive. She scoffs at his lofty goals of reaching across the isle, working past the gridlock, and finding real answers. Is it true? Is it his lack of experience that makes his aims so high? Or is it a vision of a better tomorrow that makes his goals so lofty?

What is so wrong with giving the American people hope? Why is it we must settle for politics as usual? Why admit defeat before beginning to fight? It is this very attitude that has created the political climate in which we live. Why not aim higher? Why not strive for great things? A wise man once told me, "It is better to aim for the stars and land in the trees than aim for the trees and land in the mud." To quote another wise man, "In the unlikely story that is America, there is never anything false about hope."

Witnessing History

2008-02-23T12:57:00.001-06:00

Friday I went to the Barack Obama Rally for Change in Corpus Christi. My super cool photographer friend Connie, also known as Mini Mija (because she is who I would be if I were a 5'2" hispanic girl), and I went down with our awesome cameras to document the time when the first black man with a real shot at the presidency came to Corpus Christi. Here was our journey.

The crowd lining up was so huge there was no good way to really reflect that in a single photo. Imagine a crowd 6-7 times what you see here. It was absolutely crazy.

There were people from every walk of life, including the obligatory protestors.

Seriously, I remember 9/11. I remember it was led by a Saudi man and pulled off by a mix of Saudis, Syrians, and Afghanistani terrorists. Not one Iraqi. Not one. There were no terrorists in Iraq until we overturned the dictator that was keeping them out. Are the Iraqis better off for our overturning their dictator? Only time will tell. Even a homicidal dictator is better than Sharia Law.

Seriously, no matter what your stance on abortion, I am pro-choice, there is NEVER going to be a Supreme Court that would overturn it. Period. Move on.

The Rally itself was worth the few hours waiting outside and standing around. Barack was in top form. I will leave you with a couple of the best photos of the day.

Raging against injustice

2008-02-16T13:53:00.000-06:00

Today, as I watch CNN, I saw a story that I had to record and watch twice just to make sure I heard it correctly. I then searched online to find an article with more detail. On the BBC website was where I found the most detailed story. There is a woman in Saudi Arabia. A poor illiterate woman who has been the victim of abuse, torture, and will soon be executed by beheading. Her crime? Witchcraft. This in the 21st century in one of the most advanced and wealthy nations in the Middle East. She was detained in 2005 by religious police. These are the same police who arrested a married American business woman for sitting in a Starbucks with a male co-worker.

These people have all the technology in the world available to them, every piece of information in the human understanding at their fingertips and yet they live like they did in the 1400's. Sharia law is the culprit. Every year, millions of innocent women are beaten, raped, and killed under Sharia law. While mainstream Islam is at least progressing towards women's rights, under Sharia law women are seen as unclean pieces of property. A woman getting raped can land her, not her attacker, in prison. School girls were left to burn alive in a school by the religious police because they weren't dressed to be in public. We in the civilized world must speak up. We must not allow Sharia law or any Wahhabist interpretation of Islam to spread further.

As a society we must not allow the shield of faith to stand. Simply because it masquerades as religion should not make it untouchable. This particular religion could very well get us all killed.

Inspiration

2008-02-15T14:15:00.000-06:00

Watch this and if your aren't inspired by this man, you need your head examined:

Exposing a lie

2008-02-10T13:08:00.000-06:00

There have been some emails floating around for a few months now about Barack Obama being an anti-American Muslim who refuses to say the pledge and put his hand over his heart for the pledge. Here he is addressing these lies directly.

Newsweek, The Washington Post, The Petersburg Times, Slate, The L.A. Times, and a myriad of other news sources have all referred to these emails as "scurrilous lies" and "false and vile". Before you believe another email sent about Barrack, or any other candidate, consider the source and do some research. Most of the time these lies are generated by the supporters of opponents. Huckabee supporters pulled the same dirty tricks with Romney, phoning potential voters and spreading insane lies about Mormonism. To see other myths about Obama exposed go to http://factcheck.barackobama.com/

Backing a candidate

2008-02-09T12:54:00.000-06:00

I have watched this race for a while now, listened to the candidates and for the first time in my voting life, I have found a politician that isn't just settling for the lesser of 2 evils. Barack Obama is the first politician ever to truly inspire me. He is the only one talking about reaching across the isle and forging a coalition for change. Too long have those who label themselves "conservative" or "liberal" fought it out, never enacting change. We need a leader who can reach across borders, a leader who can bridge divides and enact change. Watch the videos at his website. If you aren't inspired by this man, check your pulse, you are probably dead.

Barack Obama TV

Helping save the world, one cycle at a time...

2008-01-30T08:40:00.000-06:00

So I stumbled across a great way to help save the world with spare processor cycles on your computer. Anyone with an internet connection can do it and it doesn't cost a penny. All you need to do is visit the World Community Grid website. Sign up for an account and install the software. It does the rest. You can open the window and see which project your cycles are going to at the moment and even see the results of projects computed by the grid. Most importantly, you are helping speed the calculation of problems that could save millions of lives. Every cycle given puts us that much closer to curing cancer, aids, and millions of genetic disorders.

Every second your computer is capable of using millions of processor cycles. Most people never push the limits of their processor leaving hundreds of thousands of spare cycles. With the world community grid, you are giving some of those spare processor cycles to calculate complex problems like the human genome or cures for cancer. It never slows your computer down because the software is written to never preempt any task you are doing. Your computer will become part of the largest computer grid on earth, dedicated solely to the betterment of humanity. Do your part and join today.

State of the Union

2008-01-29T06:36:00.000-06:00

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -Ben Franklin

I am watching CNN this morning and have been reading the Reuters coverage of the State of the Union Address. I am disturbed that not one news agency is covering the chunk at the middle of the address where he urged Congress to vote to extend the domestic spying program as well as legal protections for communications companies that aided in this direct violation of the Constitution. He then spent a couple of minutes wallowing in fear mongering, essentially telling Congress that not voting for these domestic spying programs makes the country unsafe.

Using the logic that, "you shouldn't mind if you have nothing to hide" is just ludicrous. Freedom for all is destroyed when liberty for some is infringed upon. Did we learn nothing from the Japanese internment camps of WWII? Giving the government freedom to violate our Constitutional rights, we spit on the graves of the men and women who died founding this great nation.

We must stand up as a nation and bring this violation of our rights to an end. If our founding fathers had believed dissent was wrong, we would have no nation to begin with. There is nothing less patriotic than blindly supporting a government that tramples on liberty.

Airport blogging

2008-01-17T18:30:00.000-06:00

I am blogging from my new 15" MacBook Pro from the Houston IAH as I await a flight back. I just finished some user creation tasks, site updates for a client, caught up on my email, and now I am writing this all with nearly the same speeds I pull from the bonded T1 at the office. How freaking cool is that? Oh, yeah, NO WIRES...I love technology. How did I live without this...

God, thy name is Steve Jobs...

Picking a president

2008-01-08T21:52:00.000-06:00

As I sit here in a hotel room in Houston I find myself with nothing better to do than watch the New Hampshire primary results on CNN. I have been listening to candidate speeches, watching poll results, and reading up on the histories of the candidates. It is time to contribute my thoughts on this election.

For the sake of disclosure, I have voted Republican in every election since the year I turned 18. I hated that vote the last two times but I could not in good conscience vote for Al Gore or John Kerry. I loathe George Bush but he is the evil we know. Al Gore and John Kerry were unpredictable evils. With that out of the way, lets start on the Republicans.

John McCain: This former P.O.W. has seen better days. I respect his service but I just can't see this man leading us into a new era that is any different from his predecessors.

Mitt Romney: He seems socially pretty moderate, has a great understanding of business, and while I am a good bit left of him, I like the idea of knowing where a man is coming from on a personal level. I was once Mormon and while I disagree with them, I have a great deal of respect for the way they lead their lives. I would actually list him as my second choice for president.

Mike Huckabee: This vile hate mongering bastard needs to be pulled from every ticket. First, he has engaged in a "my God is better than your God" game that has no place in a civilized society. He has lied about Mormon Doctrine to draw doubt to Mitt Romney. He has supported nothing short of lying to our children in the form of teaching Intelligent design in science class. He isn't even a real conservative, just a Jesus loving big government liberal.

Rudy Giuliani: This guy is a 1 hit wonder. I don't give a shit that he was mayor when the planes hit. His policies suck. Enough said.

Ron Paul: This is the only guy in this election I despise more than Huckabee. He has a large following of 9/11 truth proponents, KKK members, and conspiracy theorists. If you pull up the archives of his old newsletters you will discover he is a racist, xenophobic, homophobic, paranoid, vermin worthy of nothing.

The rest of the Republicans are just a waste of my time. Now to the Dems.

Hillary Clinton: This vile snake will say and do anything to get elected. If she gets nominated I might have to hold my nose and vote Republican. It has nothing to do with her being a woman or even former first lady. She can't pick a position. She has been preaching to end the war but voted every time to back the president.

John Edwards: I sort of like him but he is too extreme to actually get anything done in the White House.

Barack Obama: I heard him speak tonight and for the first time in years, I was inspired by the words of a politician. I see a great president in him. I hope the final elections are between Obama and Huckabee. Huckabee is un-electable. Obama is inspirational. He speaks of changes that can actually be made and understands that to truly govern one must not divide but instead build a coalition.

In watching this election, I am excited by the record turnouts of young voters. It is my hope that my generation is able to break through the haze MTV and Playstation has left it in and speak out. We must rise and pry the reigns from the aging hands of the fools who have put this country where it is now. To my young readers, get out and vote. Your vote is your voice. If you don't stand and fight you will be trampled.

Stand Up

2007-12-06T09:42:00.000-06:00

Last night I won the open mic night competition at the Crazy Times Comedy Club and came out $25 richer than when I came in. My wife has said I am funny for years but looks aren't everything...

It felt good to just get up there and ramble for 5 minutes and actually have people laugh at it. Like I've said before and I'll say again, I am an attention whore.

Unintelligent Design

2007-12-04T09:57:00.000-06:00

I just saw the preview for Ben Stein's new movie "Expelled" and I have to say, I am annoyed. This film is a documentary of sorts on how the proponents of "Intelligent Design" are being kicked out of the science classrooms. In the preview I saw a long string of these "scientists" whining that they couldn't get published, had lost tenure, or were unable to get grant money. Seriously?

Let me break down why this truly annoys me. Science searches for answers through a method as follows:

1. Ask a question.
2. Do background research.
3. Construct a testable hypothesis.
4. Test your hypothesis by doing an experiment.
5. If the hypothesis fails, construct a new hypothesis based on the failure and test again.
6. Analyze your data and draw a conclusion.
7. Communicate your results.

Intelligent Design fails to properly follow this as the hypothesis they form has the inherent flaw of being untestable. When you are forced to fiat a premise, you have already lost the debate. It isn't science because there is no way to test all of the tenants of the hypothesis. Proponents use the claim, "well you can't disprove an intelligent designer." They conveniently forget that it is the responsibility of the one making the claim to substantiate it. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. So far Intelligent Design supporters have presented no evidence that wasn't based on flawed reasoning. To prove an intelligent designer one must prove its existence.

I would like to challenge any intelligent design proponent to scientifically back their claim of a designer by proving its existence. Until then, it is categorically NOT science.

Brainstorming

2007-10-29T10:26:00.000-05:00

Last night at our weekly gathering of the Corpus Christi Atheists we were brainstorming ideas on how to bring more activity to our group. One thought we came to was the name of the group itself. Atheist simply denotes a lack of belief in God and that is barely scratching the surface of our group. Too many people see the word Atheist and think of the kid who ran around the schoolyard telling the younger kids there was no Santa Claus. Our goal is not to kill faith in God, although in some we will have that side effect,but instead to get people off their knees and into action. To do that we can't have people turn off their ears before we have said anything. To that end, we are trying to come up with a better name for the group that indicates our secular humanist goals. If any of you have ideas, please feel free to send them to me.

On the topic of secular humanist goals, we have been looking for a local cause to champion and I think we have found one, the Corpus Christi Food Bank. The warehouses are nearly empty and the holidays are coming. I am working this week to put together something to assist the Food Bank in providing for those who would otherwise go without. To have anyone go hungry in a town where people can afford to drive BMW, Mercedes, and Hummer is inexcusable. In my next post I hope to have a plan laid out and info on how you can help. Stay tuned...

World on Fire

2007-10-24T13:47:00.000-05:00

I've been listening to the news of late about the fires in California. Thankfully people have acted fast enough to keep the death toll down to one so far. Now there is the problem of thousands of people who have lost everything. Some of the more brash pundits have been saying these people had it coming living in an area prone to fires. You know, just like people on the coast deserve hurricanes, people in the Midwest deserve tornadoes, and people in cities deserve crime. Fucking idiots. These are fellow Americans in need of help, not bullshit rhetoric so either help or shut up.

I am going to do what I can and donate to the Red Cross. I ask that everyone who sees this do the same. You can donate online at http://www.redcross.org/donate/donate.html.

Your fellow Americans need you. Every donation, even the tiny ones, counts. If you can do more, contact your local Red Cross office to ask how you can help. Arrange for your office or church group to put together food and water shipments. Some employers could even start a donation matching program. This nation has more resources than any other so we have no excuse for not helping these victims of disaster. Thank you.

Proud Father

2007-10-22T14:09:00.001-05:00

I am so proud of my little girl. Last week we were watching Cartoon Network together and an ad for the "Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF" came on. Jasmine asked me what that was and I explained to her that it was a program where kids would go trick-or-treat but instead of asking for candy they would ask for donations to UNICEF. I then explained how UNICEF helps poor children all over the world with food, shelter, education, and medical care.

She has obviously had that on her mind because this morning as we got in the car she looked at me with a very serious face and said, "Daddy, I thought about it and I want to trick-or-treat for UNICEF, at least at some of the houses." My little girl, part of the "ME, ME, ME generation", wants to give up on part of what promises to be a huge haul of candy to help poor kids have food to eat. Moments like this give me hope for the world.

I am going tonight to the Hallmark Gold Crown store to pick up the donation box. It helps children all over the world and won't cost you a penny in dental bills.

A reflection on heroes

2007-10-14T22:32:00.000-05:00

Life has been filled with some twists, turns, and surprises of late that I feel must be written here but I haven't had either the time or words to write them.

I have spent some time of late reflecting on the life of one of my heroes, my grandfather, Jerome Joseph Clarkson. He was a soldier in World War II and nearly gave his life defending his platoon. What makes him my hero was the life he led after he returned from the war. He fathered my father and uncle, raised his family and worked for everything he had.

When my dad was about 7, roughly 1952, they were all driving down the road in the family car, my dad, his brother, and an aunt in the back seat and my grandfather and grandmother in the front. A drunk driver coming the other way struck the head on, injuring my grandfather's legs and sending my grandmother through the windshield. She suffered brain damage sufficient that doctors recommended she be committed and he move on with his life.

My grandfather stayed by her side, raising my father and uncle and caring for her till the day he died in 1989. On October 2nd, his wife and my grandmother passed away. I received a tearful call early that morning from my father reporting that cancer had finally claimed her. She had suffered with breast cancer and myriad other forms of cancer for 20 years now so death was a peaceful release. During that entire time she never complained. The one memory I carry most of her is her smile. Always kind, loving, and just happy to be alive.

I attended her funeral and spoke with my family for the first time in two years. All of these events brought up thoughts of my hero and I asked myself now what he would think of the man I have grown to be. Over the ensuing couple of weeks my family and I have made amends and a weird kind of peace has returned to that relationship.

On another front I went to church with my in-laws again and surprisingly the Bay Area Fellowship is still standing. The sermon that day was quite inspirational and it moved me to ask what is so important to me I would risk my life for it. Aside from the obvious, "my wife and family" answers, the things we would risk everything for should take priority in our lives.

I look at the things I am most passionate about and I have to say, I would risk my life if speaking out against intolerance and hatred in "God's" name could save just one innocent life. If the movement I start here could spare one person, my life has meaning. Ironic, the words of a preacher inspiring an atheist to action to stop religion from poisoning minds and hurting the innocent...

In the end, I look at my grandfather and the values he passed on to me through his actions. He was never a deeply religious man but believed always in giving all one could to help his fellow man. When all is said and done, if I have given even half of the love and effort that great man gave the world, I will have done well. All of that while maintaining my grandmother's smile and I will have changed the world, even if it is only my corner of it.

"Suck it Jesus"

2007-09-27T09:30:00.000-05:00

From the upcoming October 1st edition of Newsweek:

On Sept. 8, Kathy Griffin, a bawdy, foulmouthed comedian, accepted an Emmy Award for her reality show, "My Life on the D-List," and in her acceptance speech she explained that while other actors might thank Jesus for such an honor, she wouldn't consider it. "Suck it, Jesus," she exuberantly added, waving her statuette in the air. "This award is my God, now."

I almost sprayed my monitor with coffee I was laughing so hard. I love Kathy Griffin for the sole reason that there is no filter between her brain and her mouth. Her statement is hilarious and was meant to annoy the crowd that thinks Hollywood worships the idols of fame and fortune. I am guessing she didn't count on getting their collective panties in that much of a wad though. For extra fun check out http://www.suckitjesus.com. They are running a petition not to censor the statement in future airings of the broadcast. To put in my two bits worth, anyone offended over what she said can suck it to. Put on your big girl panties and grow a sense of humor.

In further news, during the lull in my blogging I have turned into quite the activist for Atheism and rational government. I spoke on the steps of the state capitol, have written a letter to the editor, and am active in the Corpus Christi Atheists, a fledgling activist group just getting off the ground. I hope to get back into the swing of things with my blogging but don't hold your breath. Until later...

When will enough be enough?

2007-07-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

My friends at the Texas Rational Response Squad turned me on to this video. Most of the content is from the ABC Drama "Boston Legal" but the point made is probably one of the most important and least talked about in today's political climate. Watch and then read on:

We as a people have given silent consent to the trampling of our most basic liberties out of fear of terrorism. In doing so we have allowed the terrorists to win. Terrorism's sole purpose is to inspire terror for political or ideological gain. The terrorists wanted our freedom taken away. When we all fear of another attack to take over and give our liberties up, they win that objective. Fear has crippled our nation into giving our power as a people to the government. This government has shown nothing save a propensity for mis-using that power. They have struck at the very thing that makes this nation worth defending, the Bill of Rights. This is no longer a political debate. This has become a call to arms for all true Patriots. No more should we allow those in lock step with our government to call dissenting voices "un-American". No more will bigots, liars, and tyrants hold the reigns of power un-checked. My Grandfather's blood was not spilled in WWII for me to remain silent. This nation was not built on the backs of those who simply "fell in line" but the fire and passion of men willing to die for my right to speak out. I leave you with this quote as a parting thought:

"Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." -attributed to Ben Franklin and used as the Motto on the title page of, "An Historical Review of the Constitution and Government of Pennsylvania" published by Franklin in 1759.

In all fairness...

2007-07-19T10:35:00.000-05:00

My wife, our friend Cissi, and I were talking yesterday and I came to the conclusion that women have a serious double standard. I know more about makeup, clothing, shoes, and feminine products than any straight man should. I can walk into a store and buy my wife the exact right feminine products and even pick out a bra for her in the right size. I can intelligently converse with women in any of these arenas because I am surrounded by women. If I couldn't I would have to be silent and I am just no good at that.

The conversation turned to our old car which is now in the possession of one of the hot Roller Derby girls we know. I had spoken to her last week and she said the car needed a new head gasket. Of course this leads me into detail about what is entailed in a head gasket repair. My wife responds by saying, "blah, blah, blah, gasket."

I spend all my time with them talking about girlie shit but they can't take a moment to learn a little about the guy world? It isn't like this is complex stuff here. I was even explaining in layman's terms, avoiding things like "removing the intake manifold" and replacing it with terms like "taking the top half of the engine off." I, on the other hand, know in excruciating detail how to use a douche even though I don't have any of the required equipment.

I am not saying women should learn everything there is to know about this stuff. I am saying women should take the time to be able to converse with the man they love intelligently about the stuff he loves. Now my wife goes further than most in having learned guy stuff and I am proud of that but there is still a huge gap between the amount of stuff she knows about guys and the amount of stuff I know about girls. Her eyes still glaze over at the mention of a "bored out 308 with a 4 barrel carb and Flowmaster exhaust manifold" not because she is incapable of learning but because she just doesn't care to learn. So I have to know what a Manolo Blahnik and Dooney & Burke are but she doesn't have to know what Flowmaster and Roushe are?

In the words of Toby Keith, "...I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I, wanna talk about number one, oh my me my, what I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see... I like talking about you, usually, but occasionally I wanna talk about me..."

Just a thought ladies. You want to give a man the perfect gift? Pick up a magazine about something he is passionate about that isn't girl related and read it until you can reply intelligently when he starts a conversation that would normally have your eyes roll back. There is nothing hotter than a girl who knows the difference between a carburetor and an intake manifold. Guys, pick up a Cosmo and do the same for her.

Nosey Zealots

2007-07-05T20:19:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention that there are a few people who see fit to read my blog and instead of commenting and confronting me directly about things that offend them, they have decided to complain to relatives. Listen close you nosey zealots, I am only saying this once:

IF YOU READ SOMETHING ON HERE THAT OFFENDS YOU, EITHER HAVE THE DECENCY TO CONFRONT ME DIRECTLY, SILENTLY SEETHE IN THE SHADOWS, OR STOP READING MY BLOG!

Nothing hacks me off more than people who whisper in the background when they lack the intellectual prowess to confront issues directly. I am always willing to entertain someone with the balls to bring a real argument to the table. Well I'm calling you out you obnoxious busybodys. Either bring your concerns to me or shut the fuck up.

In Memoriam of a Hero

2007-06-27T08:37:00.000-05:00

My friend Cissi was at the computer crying the other night when I got up to get a drink. She had just recieved word that a dear friend of hers from California had died in Iraq. Below I am posting an excerpt from the story in the San Francisco Chronicle (click link for the full article).

San Francisco Chronicle -- Army Pfc. Raymond N. Spencer Jr., 23, of Sacramento County was a study in contrasts. He liked the movies "Top Gun" and "Finding Nemo," the History Channel and "South Park," country music and rock.

Spencer was a firefighter in Placer Hills before joining the Army. He coached youth ice hockey and played the game himself throughout the U.S. and Canada, at one point harboring ambitions to play professionally.

He cherished his family, said his aunt, and wrote on MySpace, "My family has always been there for me and support everything I do. I plan to be the same way when I start my own family one day."

He never got to start that family. He was scheduled to be home on July 1st, in time for his sister's wedding. He is coming home now, but not in the way he intended. He died on June 21, 2007. Insurgents in Baghdad attacked his unit with IED's and small arms fire.

I had to let myself cool off for a couple of days because initially all I could feel was rage. I want this post not to stand as a rant or political statement. This post has one single purpose, helping the world carry the memory of a fallen hero who gave his life for a cause he believed in.

Pfc. Raymond Spencer, Jr., you will always be remembered. I salute you and all of your brothers-in-arms who make the ultimate sacrifice. May your family find comfort in their time of loss.

Rising from the dust with a rant for the ages...

2007-06-14T12:30:00.000-05:00

After a couple of months of life getting in the way I am back. Give me a moment to get the old blogging juices flowing, then sit back, strap in, and prepare yourself. I have two months worth of rant built up and it is going to blow up all over your monitor.

First, one thing that really bugs me is under-qualified people in important positions. I was listening to the radio this morning and heard one of those people being interviewed. He introduced himself as the, "regional manager of the Small Bidness Adssociation(sic)." If you can't pronounce the name of the office you are in charge of, you don't get to be in charge of it. This applies double in a position where you have to communicate effectively with business professionals. I don't care what color you are, where you are from, or how cute people say your accent is, if you can't effectively communicate in English, you are instantly under qualified to manage anything here in America. It isn't a race thing, it's a requirement of the job.

Next on my hit list are these crazy people who think the answer to illegal immigration is to build a fucking fence. Penn & Teller already showed on their Showtime series "Bullshit" how a team of illegal immigrants got through, over, and under an exact replica of the fence they are building in under two minutes. You want to stop illegal immigration? Help make the shit hole countries they are coming from livable. If you don't want people to look for greener pastures here, help fertilize their own pasture. Otherwise they will come to graze in ours, even if that means risking life and limb to get here.

Next up we have religious extremists the world over going completely ape shit. In Gaza we have the loonies at Hamas attacking the only chance at a sane, secular government in the Middle East. Here in America we have Right Wing whack jobs thinking creationism is science and every kid should be taught it in place of Evolution, a thoroughly tested and scientifically verifiable theory. Then they go further by interfering with science that could save lives because the cells they are testing could, if implanted into a mother at the right time, maybe, eventually, become a viable baby. Forget that the same could be said for the millions of skin cells you kill every time you scratch an itch. THE BIBLE IS NOT SCIENCE!

Further on the religious bent, it drives me absolutely fucking crazy when people count their religious texts as evidence when arguing a point. Note to Christians: THE BIBLE DOES NOT COUNT AS EVIDENCE! For it to work as evidence, it would need to be verifiable and it just isn't. Many of the accounts, especially the most fantastic, only appear in the Bible and nowhere else in the historical record. You would think Egypt would have recorded at least one blurb about the millions of Hebrew slaves they had. A cosmological event of the magnitude of a huge star over Bethlehem would have been written down by more than just one race. Many cultures at that time had incredibly accurate star charts and none of them include a huge one over Bethlehem. Your record loses credibility every time it makes a huge claim that can't be verified ANYWHERE. That is why it is religion and not science.

Last but not least, I LOATHE those who think you have to be religious to be a good person. Albert Einstein said it best when he said, "If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." I am not moral because some bearded old man in the sky will give me a cookie. I am moral because it is my civic duty. I am moral because the survival of the species depends on moral people doing moral things. I am moral for the sake of morality. Further, I base my morality on a logical set of rules, not the arcane writings of racist, homophobic, and xenophobic assholes. I like the Wiccan Rede, "An it harm none, do as thou wilt." The logic is simple and clear. If you are harming no one, do what makes you happy. I take that a step further and say all others should be allowed the same right. If you are gay, be gay! If you like to swing, then find some swingers and have at it. We have one shot on this spinning rock. Life is too short to not be yourself on account of what others may think.

Well, that was cleansing. It is cathartic to unleash the power of the written word. I hope in doing so I helped enlighten at least one of the random souls that graces this page. Until next time...

Modern Religion

2007-04-09T08:40:00.000-05:00

This weekend my wife dragged my heathen ass to the grand opening at my in-laws' church. Their new building is the largest venue of its kind in this area. I have been seeing the construction since it began and have been curious how the inside turned out. It proved to be an interesting experience.

Going to Bay Area Fellowship is seriously like walking into a rock concert for Jesus. On a Saturday evening they were able to pack over 3000 people into the church and then repeat that 3 more times the next day. By comparison the average orthodox Christian church is lucky to pull in 350 parishioners on Easter and Christmas.

Bay Area is one of the new breed of churches geared to the MTV generation, catering to the short attention span with a light and sound show worthy of Pink Floyd. The pastor is part comic, part motivational speaker, and just a splash of snake oil salesman, using jokes and props to try and relate 2,000 year old doctrine to Generation X. Has Christianity turned over a new leaf? Could this new, modern Jesus be the enlightened step to freedom for millions of Christians?

I doubt it. During the sermon he said he hoped there were atheists in the audience. He then proceeded to say that to deny Christ one had to be uneducated. His source was the "Testimonium Flavianum" found in "Jewish Antiquities" by Josephus. The problem with using that text with this atheist is the fact that I am indeed educated in Christian history. Josephus was a Jewish historian who, while in Rome, proceeded to write a history of the Jews from the many accounts which he had heard. His history was published around 90 C.E., some 60 years after the crucification of Christ. The original text has long since been lost and the oldest of the copies is debatable. In what we have of the texts Josephus is quoted as saying,

"About this time there lived Jesus, a wise man if indeed one ought to call him a man. For he was one who wrought surprising feats and was a teacher of such people as accept the truth gladly. He won over many Jews and many of the Greeks. He was the Messiah. When Pilate, upon hearing him accused by men of the highest standing among us, had condemned him to be crucified, those who had in the first place come to love him did not cease. On the third day he appeared to them restored to life. For the prophets of God had prophesied these and myriads of other marvellous things about him. And the tribe of the Christians, so called after him, has still up to now, not disappeared." -Antiquities, Josephus, I. H. Feldman Translation

This version is widely regarded as a later Christian Redaction of what is contained in one of the Arabic translations,

"They reported that he had appeared to them after his crucifixion and that he was alive; accordingly, he was perhaps the Messiah concerning whom the prophets have recounted wonders."-Antiquities, Josephus, From Agapios' Kitab al-'Unwan

The question is, is Josephus proclaiming Jesus to in fact be the Messiah or simply repeating the rumors which he heard? The Feldman translation comes from manuscripts provided by the Catholic church which for me instantly puts a dubious light on them.

The pastor then went on to speak of the hundreds of witnesses to the risen Christ and their historical record. Yes, their historical record would be a damning bit of evidence for an Atheist. Even one eyewitness account would be pretty moving. Problem is, none of the Gospels were written by eyewitnesses, none of the gnostic texts, and none of the Epistles. We have at best third hand re-tellings of the event and at worst flat out lies.

All of this sounded eerily like the tactics of politicians, telling you something false or dubious in such a matter of fact way that you see it as fact. The sad part is, I guarantee you that every parishioner in that place would have argued that point till they were blue in the face because their pastor said it was truth. The joys of modern evangelical Christianity, giving you all of the ability to bury you head in the sand as old Christianity with all the lights and sounds of MTV. It is enough to make my head hurt.

Proof that dining alone is bad for you

2007-03-28T12:53:00.000-05:00

I went to lunch solo today, as I often do, and stopped in at the local BBQ joint for a po'boy and an iced tea. The place is packed as usual with oilfield and refinery workers, all rough and driving 3/4 ton trucks that could tow your house. While dining and minding my own business, I made a random observation about the dessert most were having. There is absolutely no manly way to eat an ice cream cone. You can be a 6'4", 300 pound guy with a beard thick enough to scrub rust from a barbecue grill and a shaved head yet the moment you start eating an ice cream cone you look like more of a fairy than the cast of an average show on Bravo. It is a thought I just didn't need. And now I have passed it to you. Try cleaning that out of your brain...

Solving the world's problems

2007-03-26T09:47:00.000-05:00

My wife and I had a conversation last night that started with me coming up with the solution to something, can't remember what, and her asking if that was what I was spending my time thinking about on the crapper. I came back with, "Well that and solving world hunger."

Then it somehow took a serious turn as the solution to world hunger popped into my brain. Solve for greed and indifference. If we can solve those problems we end war, hunger, poverty, and hate. Now before everyone goes, "Boy is this guy a naive little shit" hear me out. I get that it is truly impossible to solve for greed completely. It is part of human nature. It is worth trying though.

If we took the amount spent on the Iraq war, we could fully insure 246,000,000 Americans, or give scholarships to 19,000,000 Americans, or build over 3,000,000 additional housing units for the poor. If we took the amount spent on projects designed to line the pockets of corporations that paid for campaigns, we could feed every hungry child in America. Every bomb we drop or missile we fire costs another $30-50,000 not counting the costs of rebuilding the country we just bombed to hell. Every soldier that dies costs this country another of its finest citizens, something we could never put a price on.

Don't get me wrong, I will support any war that defends our borders or rights civil injustices. Iraq does neither of those. It serves only to forward the interests of Haliburton and the other vultures the President has allied himself with. If it were about human rights then why aren't we in Darfur? Why haven't we sanctioned China? If it was about terrorism why haven't we taken on Saudi Arabia or Syria? Iraq was solely about greed in its most unabashed form. Why has it continued? Because Americans are so indifferent and lazy we refuse to actually take action to stop this. We accept all the garbage the media (I am looking at you Fox News) feeds us and let these greedy bastards destroy our world.

So how do we solve for greed? How can we, average citizens of the world, stop greed at its highest levels? Stop it at home. Stop running up debt to acquire crap you don't need. Stop teaching our kids it is okay to purchase $100 jeans and $500 shoes. Stop promising to donate to charity and then deciding you need something else instead. As for indifference, we who are awake to the travesties committed by our government have to shout these atrocities from the rooftops (no, not literally) and rally all of America. Our destruction comes not from a bearded asshole with a turban but from a well dressed politician claiming to protect us as our liberties are stolen slowly away.

Write your congressman, your senator, even your city councilman. Propose that your legislators support resolutions to end this war. While a city council has no real power to end this war by itself, if hundreds of cities nationwide resolve against this we can send a clear signal to our leaders they are on notice. Finally, we need to vote against any politician not willing to act to end this war NOW. Talk time is over, we must act. This is a call to Revolution, not a non-binding resolution. Take note Democrats, non-binding resolutions are impotent actions that mean nothing. It is like telling the school bully not to take your lunch money or you'll make a stern face at him. End it, or you all get cleaned out with the wash.

The Obligatory "I'm not dead" Post

2007-03-20T14:18:00.000-05:00

I'm not dead, just uninspired. I have gone to post many times since the last post but every time I load this screen and start to type I feel like I'm being redundant. Further, I am not sure what may or may not interest my readers and possibly make a difference in the grand scheme of things. I know I have readers. My website statistics show people stumbling in here from all over the world, some staying for more than a couple of seconds. These readers are a bit shy of course as I have tried every way I can think of to get you to reply in some way and make this more dialog than monologue. A couple of you have taken the challenge but most just lurk quietly reading. If this blog contains anything the even remotely evokes an emotion in you, love, hate, or general indifference, reply to this post. Tell me what you would like to see. Ask and ye shall receive.

Ask Mike, Dubbya edition

2007-01-25T14:00:00.000-06:00

For this week's edition of Ask Mike we go to a (fake) email from a Mr. Dubbya where he asks (not really):

Dear Mike,
I keep trying to fix things in Iraq but nobody seems to see my vision. Their president has the insane notion HE is in charge even though I keep telling him he can only be in charge when he agrees with me. I keep supporting the Shiite leaders and can't for the life of me figure out why their mortal enemies the Sunnis are all pissed off. Why can't anyone understand that I talk to God and everyone should listen to me?
Yours Truly,
Dubbya

Dubbya,

Remember when you used to sit on Santa's lap and whisper your dream gift in his ear and come Christmas day you found socks under the tree instead? After a few Christmases like that your mom finally told you the man at the mall was just a hobo they paid to tell you what you wanted to hear and take your photo for $5.00 and then hand you a Saf-T-Pop on your way out. This is just like that. The "Voice of God" is just Cheney in a beard again. Stop throwing troops in the middle of two groups that hate each other. If you want to fix this you need to step the fuck out and hand it to the people who understand the situation.

You see, most of the countries surrounding Iraq are Sunni, the same branch of Islam as Saddam and the current bunch of insurgents. The Iranians and the current ruling class in Iraq are Shiite. These two hate each other like Rush Limbaugh and Al Franken and have for millenia. This is not going away because some stupid bumpkin from Texas says Jesus said so.

To stop this fighting you have to turn to the Sunni and Shiite nations surrounding Iraq, which incidentally won't help as long as we are there, and have them broker a deal. These lunatics will not listen to a nation they consider infidel invaders. They will on the other hand listen to the leaders of nations that are willing to eradicate them if they don't comply.

Now if you didn't understand any of this, tell Laura to read it and explain it to you. Hopefully for all our sakes she can get through you ignorant twit. Now go play in the sandbox and stop getting our boys killed because you are an ignorant ass that can't understand what happens when you try to break up a fight between rabid dogs.

Signed,
Mike

Tune in next time when I announce my candidacy for President in the 2012 election running on the "Fuck You" ticket.

Re-affirming my belief in our future

2007-01-13T22:54:00.000-06:00

I just got back from judging the Calallen Speech and Debate Tournament. I've said it before and I'll say it again, just when my belief in our society is dwindling, I judge a tournament and those kids bring a spark of hope back to a roaring fire. I watch speakers who started rough around the edges last year grow into polished orators. I see kids tackling powerful topics with a passion and fire that inspires me. Topics that most adults are scared to skirt these kids plow right through. I am exhausted now from a full day of judging but I sleep tonight with renewed hope for the future.

Ask Mike, Atheism 101 Edition

2007-01-02T09:20:00.000-06:00

I was asked a rather lengthy question by P. Martin in the comments of my last post and while I answered it there I found it worthy to pull to a more prominent place for all to see. As it is long and multi-part I will break it down, placing each answer in an indented paragraph.

"I have some questions about atheism. Maybe you know the answers."

First let me be clear, atheism is a rather broad category that merely implies lack of belief in a deity. My answers here stem from scientific atheism, or in the words of Richard Dawkins, Einsteinian Religion.

Q: Do atheists believe in ghosts, vampires, zombies, returning from the dead, etc.?

A: Using the strict definitions of those words no. I will caveat that there are many strange and well documented phenomenon which to this point science has not fully explained. I like to use the rule that when one hears hoof beats he should think horses, not zebras. To me it is the zebra syndrome when one labels something supernatural before eliminating the natural possibilities.

Q: Do atheists believe in any form of life after death?

A: No. There is no scientific evidence to support such a conclusion.

Q: Do atheists believe that if they kill someone and nobody ever finds out, then it’s ok?

A: To claim morals come from a belief in a god is horridly irresponsible. "Thou shalt not kill" existed long before Judeo-Christian theology. If I were to follow the morals laid out by the God of the Bible I would have to stone my child to death for disobedience, my wife would have to wear a veil and not speak unless spoken to, and I could explain away killing my first born by saying God made me do it. Belief in God does not equal having a solid moral code and disbelief in one does not mean lack of moral direction. In the atheist doing that which is right is intrinsically good and is not done out of fear of reprisal from a vengeful bearded old guy in the sky.

Q: Do atheists capitalize the name “Hitler”, but not the name “God”?

A: The name God refers to a specific deity also known as Allah, Elohim, Yaweh, and a myriad of other names by the big three monotheistic religions. The word god is not in and of itself a proper name as it could refer to any mythological being in the pantheon of gods and therefore, as it is not a proper noun, does not require capitalization. Hitler is on the other hand the proper name of a genocidal maniac.

Q: Is there an atheist spell-checker that ignores this “error”?

A: As it is in fact NOT an error, all spell-checkers should ignore it. Google toolbar does. Microsoft word as well.

Q: Do atheists think Hitler was a jerk, but only because he believed in a God?

A: Hitler was a jerk because he killed millions who believed differently than he did including gays, Jews, gypsies, and many Christians. He used God as justification for killing millions of people. If we look at the crusades and the Inquisition we see the same thing, God used to justify genocide. The book of Joshua in the Bible is filled with God induced genocide. Genocidal maniac = Bad guy, no matter what his justification.

Q: If atheists don’t believe in God, why do they care if anyone else believes in God? (I don’t believe in little green men from mars, but I could give a shit if you do)

A: I only care when that belief is used to justify wars, prejudice, or arcane laws with no basis in reality. Religion is a dangerous drug. Like other drugs, most addicts do little harm to others but the ones who do make it wise to rid the world of them entirely.

Q: During sex do atheists ever say “Oh God, I’m gonna’ cum!”?

A: Yes. At least I do. Beats "Oh science, I'm gonna cum!" doesn't it?

Q: When angry, do atheists ever say “God damn it!” or “Go to hell!”?

A: I use "Oh, God" and "God damn it" because "Oh, science" and "Reality damn it" just don't carry the same potency.

Q: Do atheists ever see the image of Christ on a bagel or a slice of toast?

A: No, but I once saw a Cheeto that looked like the Pope's hat.

Q: Do atheists never feel like “somebody up there” is watching out for them?

A: Every time I hear about Bush's NSA policies.

Q: Do atheists celebrate Christmas, take a Christmas vacation, or accept a Christmas bonus? If so, why?

A: I do. So does Richard Dawkins. Christmas has been a secular/pagan holiday for much longer than it was a Christian one. Jesus was just shoved in as an attempt to convert the pagans. Does anyone really still believe the man called Jesus was born in December? Really?

Q: When testifying in a court of law, are atheists required to swear on a bible?

A: Only truly backwards jurisdictions would force someone to swear on a book of fairy tales.

So kids, that about sums up our Ask Mike for today. Tune in next time when I tackle the question, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" Until next time remember to smile, it makes people wonder what you are up to.

Christmas thoughts of an atheist

2006-12-03T12:20:00.000-06:00

I grew up in a very Jesus-centric household where every Christmas we read from the Bible and complained that Christmas was becoming too commercialized. Over those 27 holiday seasons I developed the knee-jerk reaction to rail against the secularization of the birth of our Lord. Over the last year my faith in religion as a whole has died and I enter my first holiday season as an atheist. This has generated some strange new emotions for me.

I spent an hour this morning wandering the Wal-Mart waiting for the bank to open so I could deposit my Christmas bonus. In my wanderings I couldn't help but feel an odd sense of the surreal at the strange juxtaposition of sounds wafting through this bastion of commercialism. The Christmas carols over the intercom mixed with the ads from the myriad televisions strategically placed throughout the store, all jarringly interrupted at random intervals with loud and often un-intelligible announcements over the PA system. The experience went something like, "Have your self a merry lit...Always low pri...WILL MARY SMITH PLEASE COME TO CUSTOMER SERVICE, YOUR MRHH MEH HUMPH IS MATING...from now on your troubles will be far aw...come see the next generation in shaving from Gille...ATTENTION WAL-MART SHOPPERS, WE HAVE A SPECIAL ON PENNZOIL IN OUR AUTOMOTIVE SECTION..." Because nothing says "Birth of Jesus" like a case of discount 5w-30.

I stopped at McDonald's and washed down a $3.00 heart attack with coffee and orange juice, allowing myself to take in fully the experience of holiday discount shopping. In years past I would have been in church at this time, fighting a boredom induced coma while listening to someone tell the story of the Christ child with their "new" and "interesting" perspective. By new I mean the same old story with slightly different colored paint. By interesting I mean somewhere between watching said paint dry and Chinese water torture. Now here I was dining in the Shrine of Gluttony located within the Cathedral of Lower Prices. Such irony is not lost on me.

As the time came for the bank to open I went and deposited the funds I would soon be donating to the Perpetuate Christian Mythology to Promote Economic Growth Fund, or PCMPEGF, and walked out into an unusually brisk wind. There was the bell ringer, standing there ringing his little bell and singing a very off-key rendition of jingle bells. His nose was red from the biting cold wind and few people even took the time to glance his way but he seemed genuinely happy.

I pulled the two wrinkled dollars I had in my pocket left over from the night of drinking and debauchery we had after the company Christmas party and slipped it in his little red can. The words "Merry Christmas" rolled off my tongue in reply to this jolly old man's "God bless you".

It was at that moment that I realized, whether you believe the man Jesus was Son of God or just the wise son of a carpenter, his words of peace and love still have meaning. This old man had found joy in standing out in the cold ringing a bell to raise money for those less fortunate than him. I can't help but think that it was this that Christ was talking about, that selfless love of your fellow man, regardless of his race, creed, opinion, or religion. It is in that selfless, blind love that lies the secret to peace on earth. If you do nothing else this holiday season between fighting crowds, dealing with family and wrapping gifts, take a moment and give to one of the myriad charities out there trying to make life on this big spinning rock of ours better. It may not get you off the naughty list but at least it will help when you go to Santa hoping to appeal that lump of coal he left. Not to mention the tax-deductibility of said donation come IRS time... Merry Christmas, from your favorite atheist. Have a safe and happy holiday.

Ask Mike, debate geek edition

2006-10-31T09:03:00.000-06:00

In this edition of Ask Mike we answer an email from one of the debate students I judge. (For my non-debate geek readers I will give editorial translation in parenthesis. That and insert pithy remarks here and there.)

1) What are your author quals? (Translated: If I use you in round as a source, what can I say when someone tries to verify your qualifications.)
2) Why is seniorcorps such a horrible program?
3) Does in-round discourse - especially kritiks of the debate system - actually mean anything? (Translation: I spell critique weird because I was taught by a snooty intellectual elitist? Oh yeah, do you judge on them?)
--Dave

Dave, your spelling of critique made my brain hurt trying to figure out the question on three. I am guessing you learned that spelling from a scholarly nerd type. That kind of crap gets you a wedgie in no time. Onward and upward:

1) My author quals, personally, are that I am God, know everything worth knowing, and know that nine out of ten judges don't check quals. Oh, yeah, I am also a published political pundit, expert at trivial pursuit, and have an I.Q. of 165. (Editors note: All true. I am my own personal God...) I wouldn't use a card from me to build your entire case but to instead flesh it out and strengthen your evidence.

2) Poor organization. Giving old people a reason not to die is on paper a good cause. Using fiat a properly run affirmative can totally win with it but in reality Senior Corps is under funded and thus overworks the volunteers it has. As long as an affirmative has cards to defend against the obvious euthanasia attack it can be a strong case.

(Translation: The current CX debate resolution states that the US Government should substantially increase the number of persons serving in various service organizations and Senior Corps is one many debate teams have chosen. In my explanation I discuss a bunch of debate )

3) Critique is like topicality for me, it has to be flawless, elegant, and clear to score any points. Often it is silly and as long as Affirmative at least touches on it, it falls. One team ran a topicality against re-instating the draft that said that military service did not qualify as service under the resolution. This directly contradicts the resolution as it specifically mentions armed services and thus falls the moment it is uttered. In place of a weak critique or T I would suggest a DA, inherency, or even a nice solvency attack. Sometimes a well worded counter-plan is nice.

Speaking of which, I have been thinking about the Chuck Norris CP and if the fake silliness is pulled out it could work. Replace the "Chuck Norris supports the FDIC" junk with actual facts about his own volunteer work and assistance with Federal volunteer programs and you have a CP that kicks as much ass as he does.

(Translation: Blah blah blah, bunch of debate specific crap that doesn't translate.)

Well, that's all for this time kids. Remember, send me your questions on any topic and I will make fun of... I mean answer them.

Behold! Rising from the dust! It's....

2006-10-30T09:46:00.000-06:00

The Ask Mike column is back for the first time since December of '05. This is the column where my readers (all three of you) email me questions and I make fun of... I mean answer... them. Seriously, send any question to me via email (mclarksonazATgmail.com with the @ character in place of AT), blog comment, myspace message, or carrier pigeon and I will answer it in a future blog post. Hopefully my new minions from speech and debate tournaments will post topic related questions (hint, hint, nudge, nudge) that I can answer for their enlighenment and use in rounds (free speaker points for quoting me). In fact, what I would like to see ultimately is all of the students who have the address here refering their entire team. My goal is to have kids I have never met using my thoughts in debate and speech rounds the world over. Ambitious goal I admit but a worthy one. We future rulers of the world have to have dreams...

"Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?"
"The same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world!"

Hope for the future

2006-10-29T23:26:00.000-06:00

I spent the weekend judging debate at GP. It is rejuvenating to be reminded that the next generation is in fact not full of idiots but minds that fill me with hope. These kids actually care and are just waiting for the information they need to go out and change the world. I get so psyched when I watch these kids light up at stuff so many adults only pretend to care about. Politics, values, and looking at otherwise mundane facts from fresh new angles. Makes me wish I had taken the teaching path in my career life. When I get a chance I will be posting information on some of the topics these kids are addressing this year.

Out of the random randomness

2006-10-19T09:19:00.000-05:00

I was going to post something on Kim Jom Nitwit in North Korea but I was tired. I was going to post something on Mark Foley but the media really beat that horse to death and then started kicking it. I have had a myriad of topic ideas that I started to write about until the ADD kicked in and it was like, "Kim Jom Il is a poopyhead blah blah blah...Oh look, a new post in the Wired Table of Malcontents..." I swear sometimes I have the attention span of a three year old.

Then my wife brings home her friends from work and I start to feel so old. All of her new work friends are at least 7 years younger than me. These people are fresh out of high school and still a bit wet behind the ears. It is the first time ever I have had parties where I am the first to call it a night. Every day I look in the mirror and see more gray hair in my beard. If I did not color it the hair on my head would match. I feel a little better when a clerk checks my ID for beer but then I am brought down when they proceed to ID the 50 year old behind me.

As I get older I have started noticing, it is truly the small things in life that get me by. A cold beer in the fridge or warm kiss from my wife, a wave and smile from a stranger or a hug from a friend. For instance, each morning I drive my little girl to school. On the way I pass a crossing guard. There is nothing out of the ordinary about this crossing guard, just a nice middle aged woman, and I wouldn't know her from Adam, yet every time I drive by she has a wave and a nice smile waiting. I never even noticed that we wave at each other every day until today when she had gone to her car and wasn't in her usual spot. It was like a little hole in the day. That got me thinking and hence you have this post.

What little things get you through your day? Watch and see if you notice the small things you would ordinarily take for granted and then imagine your day without them. Then reply with those things here.

Fun words

2006-10-09T13:40:00.000-05:00

Wanker. Kolache. Poop. Wenus. Booger. Some words are just so much fun to say. I was chatting with the coolest chick from Ohio who now lives in Texas and used the word wanker and it made me laugh. Being the attention deficient bozo I am, my brain derailed from the conversation at hand to funny sounding words.

Dave Barry had the theory that any sentence could be made funny just by a properly inserted use of the word booger. For example, the sentence "Kim Jom Il just tested a nuclear device, much to the chagrin of President George W. Bush" is quite serious. We could make it funny just by inserting booger thus, "Kim Booger Il just tested a booger device, much to the chagrin of President George W. Booger." Suddenly we have comic gold. Try it sometime. Next time you have to give a speech, randomly insert the word booger. Even if they don't laugh, they will give you funny looks and that just means they are laughing on the inside.

Paradigm Shift

2006-09-25T11:29:00.000-05:00

For those unfamiliar with the concept of paradigm shift, I once heard it explained this way:

A man was riding the subway home from work and watched as a haggard looking woman with her four vociferous children climbed aboard. The moment the doors closed the children began tearing about the car with reckless abandon while the haggard woman merely stared into space as if she saw nothing.

The man slowly became annoyed by the woman's indifference to her children's horrid behaviour and finally approached her, asking her to control her children. The woman quickly apologized as she rounded up her children and then offered the following explanation of her absent-mindedness.

"I am sorry sir, we just came from the hospital where my husband died suddenly today. I was trying to find the words to explain this to my children and I guess I got lost in thought."

The man was nearly struck dumb by this as his annoyance vanished into shame for his anger with this poor woman and pity for her plight. He had experienced the extreme change in his point-of-view that is a paradigm shift.

I bring up the topic of paradigm shift today because lately I have taken stock in my own complete paradigm shifts. In religion I have gone from devout Mormon to agnostic bordering on atheist. In politics I have gone from Republican to dissident with large amounts of disdain for both parties. In my views on sex and sexuality I have gone from the narrow Christian view of sex being between one man and one woman to acceptance of my poly-amorous, bi, and homosexual friends even to the point of fighting for gay marriage. It makes me wonder what other changes are in store for me as my horizons broaden?

Scott Adams posed a question the other day on the Dilbert Blog asking, "If a man goes into the forest and pokes a bear with a sharp stick, and the bear kills the man, whose fault is it?" He then further poses, "Now substitute an irrational human being for the bear. The guy with the stick knows he’s dealing with an irrational and potentially violent person, and he pokes him with the stick anyway. Just like the bear, the irrational guy kills the guy who poked him." Who's fault is it? This further begs the question, who is the truly irrational one, the poker or the pokee? (Further, is pokee even a word?)

When applying this conundrum to the middle east crisis, for instance, we have three major groups, Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. Logic dictates that for the doctrine of any one to be right the other two HAVE to be wrong. This is assuming that all three groups aren't suffering from different versions of the same delusion. Imagine for a moment finding out the followers of a faith other than your own were the only right ones. No matter which faith you pick, you will only have a very small percentage of the world with you in heaven. Maybe it is my inner atheist talking but to me this doesn't sound like the hand of an all knowing and loving God. The logic flaw to me is quite clear but how does one create a mass paradigm shift amongst billions of people at once? Find the answer to that and you have found the solution to world peace. Or maybe it is I who is irrational.

Of cars and shiny things

2006-08-16T11:09:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I woke up like any other day, got ready for work, and went down to my car. I had noticed the smell of antifreeze the night before and wanted to check my fluids. I opened the radiator and much to my chagrin, it was bone dry. I re-filled it and looked under the car. Sure enough it looked like my engine block was taking a piss. Shit. I finally tracked the leak to a crack in the block. There goes my mode of transportation.

I called up my buddies over at Ed Hicks Nissan to see if they could hook me up with a deal. I built their network and thought them to be my best chance at finding a reliable set of wheels. I fully expected to drive away in a car from their used lot with the highest mileage they had. I was wrong. Today I have a brand new, hot off the showroom floor, Nissan Sentra. The odometer read 20 at the time I drove it off. They cut me a great deal and financed me at 5%, a rate I haven't seen since my first wife pillaged my credit. It is great and as it turns out a perfect extra birthday gift for my wife who's birthday is today.

Of course I bought her real birthday gift last week with the assistance of Isa, who might I add has impeccable taste and will be my personal shopper after I make my first million. I went a little over my budget with the gift but I think it will make her smile. Tiff has been trying to get it out of me. I keep telling her it is poop in a bag with glitter on it but she doesn't believe me. She won't accept that poop in a bag is all the rage. I hear Paris Hilton carries hers everywhere she goes. Oh well, at least she won't be out of the fashion loop when I give it to her... Happy birthday baby.

Making up

2006-08-01T10:48:00.000-05:00

Life is good again. Sunday afternoon Tiff was sitting in the chair after what could only be described as a tense week. I was walking behind the chair and out of instinct touched her arm. That one touch of my hand smashed the ice that had been hanging around us all week. So apologies were shared and wounds tended to and life is back as it should be. Making up almost makes a fight worth it.

Having spent the last 8 years of my life as a married man(2 marriages but who's counting), I have discovered a few things I feel I must share. Call it advice to live by. Much of it is gross generalization but as is the case when I generalize, I don't care.

Men: No matter how right you are, you are wrong. Deal with it. You could have Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein, and Marilyn vos Savant on your side and you will still be wrong unless your answer is, "Yes dear, I don't know how I could have thought such a thing. Please forgive my having been born without the superior intellect provided by a vagina."
Men: The correct answer to, "Does this make my ass look fat?" is to have a massive heart attack on the spot. As much as you want to say, "No, your ass makes your ass look fat" it just isn't going to improve your quality of life. If you tell her no she will call you a liar and then you will never leave her sight again you dirty lying bastard who has broken her trust. Death really is the only out on this.
Women: Men cannot fully wrap their brains around the whole using emotions as rational arguments concept. "But that is how you made me feel" is NOT a real argument to a man and will cause them to look at you like you have lost your mind. Men like hard concepts we can wrap our brains around. You start using emotion as logic and we are lost. We are just stupid like that.

Take these little nuggets of truth and remember them. I can hear marriage counselors all over the world recognizing a disturbance in the force. I post this and a million divorce lawyers scream in terror all at once and are silenced. I really need to stop thinking I have that much influence over my readers.

Untitled Life

You, sir, are a douchebag*

Jessica Ahlquist, Atheist of the Year

Year in review

Birthday wishes

Another year older

New Roads

Death of the American Dream

New Addictions

Watch this interview. All of it.

Drunken Ramblings

My Prose

Thoughts

BP, Transocean, and MMS

Long night

Rock Bottom

The $10,000,000 asshole

Hang

Me

Censorship and South Park

Just Jessica

My new favorite song

I now have a new found respect for Brad Pitt

Want...Must...Have...

Presenting...

John Mayer, Silent Bob, and Me

Photos from Texas Old Town

No More Trouble

Changes

Fun with distractions

Stand by me

It's the little things

Who watches the Watchmen?

Why Facebook and Myspace suck

A note to congressional Republicans

An open letter to Sarah Palin

New year, new me

Merry Christmas from your friendly neighborhood Atheist

Vegetarian Goodness day 4

Day 3

Changes

A truly black Friday

Wise words from Keith​ Olber​mann

Accepted American Bigotry

History in the making

The Big Day

Braindump

Heros and Monsters

How can this happen?

Sarah Palin

I was gonna let it go...

Are they all insane?

More ranty goodness...

More political ranting brought to you by the Supreme Court.

Getting Older

Unleashing the misanthrope

It types like stimulus...

Time for change

It's the end of the world as we know it...

Democrats Getting Religion

The death of the youth vote

Video from last year

Changes

The audacity of hope

Witnessing History

Raging against injustice

Inspiration

Exposing a lie

Backing a candidate

Helping save the world, one cycle at a time...

State of the Union

Airport blogging

Picking a president

Stand Up

Unintelligent Design

Brainstorming

World on Fire

Proud Father

A reflection on heroes

"Suck it Jesus"

Wise words from Keith Olbermann