Saw this video and had to post it here.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Sex, porn, and Eva Longoria
PLEASE NOTE: Some portions of this entry may not be suitable for children, the elderly, or anyone who blushes at the mention of the words penis, vagina, or raging cock monster. (Actually I don't use the phrase raging cock monster anywhere in the actual post, it's just fun to say. Raging cock monster. You may now continue.)
It is about time I tackled the issue of sex here in Untitled Life. Popular thought holds that sex is dirty and taboo. From the youngest ages we are taught by our parents that sex should not be openly talked about by their own unwillingness to bring it up. By the time my parents worked up the nerve to bring it up I had already sorted through all of the previous year's Club magazine (for the articles of course) and was working on the new collectors album issue. My parents to this day still don't use the scientific words penis and vagina. Oral and anal sex were never mentioned and anything but the most rudimentary forms of sex were perversion.
I entered Texas A&M University-Corpus Christi (aka Texas A&M with a much higher blood alcohol content) at 17, two days after graduation. I had my first binge drinking experiences within a week and started smoking after two weeks. I lost my virginity to a girl whose name I barely remember. I spent my entire freshman year (and a few years after that) drunk and waking up with strange women. Sex was as casual for me as a quick, "Hi, how are you doing?" I lost count of the women I slept with and to this day don't even remember most of them. The scariest part is, all of it was unprotected. By all rights I should have caught something or impregnated someone. This stemmed from a lack of real education. Why? Because no one really wanted to teach me the do's and don'ts of sex. I am a statistical anomaly. My unscathed survival is, to put it bluntly, an astronomically unlikely occurrence.
Our society encourages sex for minors by making it a dirty little secret. The things I wanted most growing up were the ones that were taboo. Drinking, smoking, and above all else sex held an overpowering allure for me. The only reason I didn't lose my virginity until the age of 17 was that my parents kept me home under lock and key when I was not at school or work. I only got to view the taboo things from a distance. Since they were taboo the only way I could learn about them was through sources that, looking back, did not contain accurate information (porn, friends, HBO, etc.). Looking at these things now I can see why this country is warped.
It is from that perspective that I approach the topic of sex. The puritanical approach to sex education (or non-education) is getting innocent people killed and it is time it stops. Our government refuses to allow teachers to fully address real questions about sex for fear of offending one puritanical group or another. "Talking about sex honestly only encourages kids to have it" they say. Don't talk about it and they WILL do it.
Further they regulate sexual activity between consenting adults who should be able to decide for themselves what they do with their partner(s). Eva Longoria caught flak from ABC (a subsidiary of the Walt Disney Corporation and the network that shows Desperate Housewives, where her character has sex with a minor) for publicly stating that every woman should own a vibrator. Women all over this country have to purchase toys for their own pleasure through private parties that are often raided by police because male politicians aren't secure enough in their manhood to understand most women can't orgasm from male penetration alone. These male politicians also cannot grasp the idea that women masturbate for release just like men do. If you believe men don't masturbate there is a call holding on line one for you from Santa Claus.
The booming porn industry today shows that sex is definitely on our minds. I personally enjoy a well made porn every now and then (ok, maybe more often than that). Porn is good, in moderation. Yes, it supports objectification of women. So do bikinis, Victoria's Secret, and women themselves. Get over it. Porn should not be in the hands of anyone under (and many over) 18. My reason is, it presents a fantasy. In it all women orgasm on command and can bend into the shape of a pretzel. Further, girls in porn are all willing to share. This is rare in the real world. Porn sets you up for failure unless you recognise the fantasy and distinguish it from reality. Just like paintball does not prepare you for real combat, porn does not prepare you for sex.
Why do these myths persist? Because our society frowns on free discussion of sex. Children are told at a young age that masturbation will make them go blind or that an old bearded man in the sky who watches all they do will punish them for touching their own bodies. When they ask where babies come from they get answers they learn are wrong in science class and learn to distrust their parents. It is time we as a country get over our sexual hang ups. If we can't be honest about something that is on our minds all the time, what can we be honest about? The only people being helped by our current mindset on sex are psychologists who make millions every year counseling us about sexual hang ups and misinformation.
By the way, happy masturbation month.
It is about time I tackled the issue of sex here in Untitled Life. Popular thought holds that sex is dirty and taboo. From the youngest ages we are taught by our parents that sex should not be openly talked about by their own unwillingness to bring it up. By the time my parents worked up the nerve to bring it up I had already sorted through all of the previous year's Club magazine (for the articles of course) and was working on the new collectors album issue. My parents to this day still don't use the scientific words penis and vagina. Oral and anal sex were never mentioned and anything but the most rudimentary forms of sex were perversion.
I entered Texas A&M University-Corpus Christi (aka Texas A&M with a much higher blood alcohol content) at 17, two days after graduation. I had my first binge drinking experiences within a week and started smoking after two weeks. I lost my virginity to a girl whose name I barely remember. I spent my entire freshman year (and a few years after that) drunk and waking up with strange women. Sex was as casual for me as a quick, "Hi, how are you doing?" I lost count of the women I slept with and to this day don't even remember most of them. The scariest part is, all of it was unprotected. By all rights I should have caught something or impregnated someone. This stemmed from a lack of real education. Why? Because no one really wanted to teach me the do's and don'ts of sex. I am a statistical anomaly. My unscathed survival is, to put it bluntly, an astronomically unlikely occurrence.
Our society encourages sex for minors by making it a dirty little secret. The things I wanted most growing up were the ones that were taboo. Drinking, smoking, and above all else sex held an overpowering allure for me. The only reason I didn't lose my virginity until the age of 17 was that my parents kept me home under lock and key when I was not at school or work. I only got to view the taboo things from a distance. Since they were taboo the only way I could learn about them was through sources that, looking back, did not contain accurate information (porn, friends, HBO, etc.). Looking at these things now I can see why this country is warped.
It is from that perspective that I approach the topic of sex. The puritanical approach to sex education (or non-education) is getting innocent people killed and it is time it stops. Our government refuses to allow teachers to fully address real questions about sex for fear of offending one puritanical group or another. "Talking about sex honestly only encourages kids to have it" they say. Don't talk about it and they WILL do it.
Further they regulate sexual activity between consenting adults who should be able to decide for themselves what they do with their partner(s). Eva Longoria caught flak from ABC (a subsidiary of the Walt Disney Corporation and the network that shows Desperate Housewives, where her character has sex with a minor) for publicly stating that every woman should own a vibrator. Women all over this country have to purchase toys for their own pleasure through private parties that are often raided by police because male politicians aren't secure enough in their manhood to understand most women can't orgasm from male penetration alone. These male politicians also cannot grasp the idea that women masturbate for release just like men do. If you believe men don't masturbate there is a call holding on line one for you from Santa Claus.
The booming porn industry today shows that sex is definitely on our minds. I personally enjoy a well made porn every now and then (ok, maybe more often than that). Porn is good, in moderation. Yes, it supports objectification of women. So do bikinis, Victoria's Secret, and women themselves. Get over it. Porn should not be in the hands of anyone under (and many over) 18. My reason is, it presents a fantasy. In it all women orgasm on command and can bend into the shape of a pretzel. Further, girls in porn are all willing to share. This is rare in the real world. Porn sets you up for failure unless you recognise the fantasy and distinguish it from reality. Just like paintball does not prepare you for real combat, porn does not prepare you for sex.
Why do these myths persist? Because our society frowns on free discussion of sex. Children are told at a young age that masturbation will make them go blind or that an old bearded man in the sky who watches all they do will punish them for touching their own bodies. When they ask where babies come from they get answers they learn are wrong in science class and learn to distrust their parents. It is time we as a country get over our sexual hang ups. If we can't be honest about something that is on our minds all the time, what can we be honest about? The only people being helped by our current mindset on sex are psychologists who make millions every year counseling us about sexual hang ups and misinformation.
By the way, happy masturbation month.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Letting out my inner dissidant
Note: This post contains some political ranting but this time I think all should read. More importantly, I think all should take the challenge I pose in the last paragraph.
Today kids we discuss the meaning of the word ludicrous. Ludicrous is literally defined as absurd or inviting ridicule. Ludicrous is people showing how much they want to work by taking the afternoon off. Ludicrous is the United States Senate thinking a $100 rebate check will offset the damage $3.00 a gallon gasoline will do to my bank account. Ludicrous is having politicians say it is illegal to sell sex toys to consenting adults.
Yesterday there was a nationwide walkout to show support for immigrants rights and to protest new immigration regulation. Restaurants closed, small businesses were crippled, and work ground to a halt. Forgive me for being logical here but aren't the reforms to curb "illegal" immigration? Wouldn't making it a simple process to get a legal guest worker card allow people who would otherwise have to sneak in under cover of darkness a legitimate path to a better life? I support a movement to improve life for legal immigrants. I support making it easier for people to become properly documented so they don't have to hide from police and are entitled to the benefits of law-abiding American life. The marches and rallies to support "immigrant rights" only serve to harm the cause of those who wish to come here legally. I have a friend who spent some time in Mexico city on a research program for his PhD. While there he fell in love with a girl and they were married. She was pregnant with his child when they came to get her immigration papers filed. Due to legal red tape she could not legally enter this country for over a year. Immigration quotas for Mexico are set extremely low because illegal immigration is so high, as it was explained to my friend by the INS employee assigned to their case. He, over the course of the next year, only saw his wife twice because he had to return for his doctoral program. He missed the birth of his child because our government cuts legal immigration numbers to mitigate the influx of illegals. Yet people stopped work for half a day to say this should remain as it is. Ludicrous.
This morning on the Today show (on NBC) I saw a story on a Senate plan to mitigate high gas prices by sending taxpayers a $100 rebate check at the end of the summer. Oil companies this quarter have turned record profits, over 12% above this time last year, which might I add were record at that time. The Senator they brought in to discuss this said the Senate would investigate to see whether there was price gouging but he did not believe there was. I get that senators might believe most Americans are bad at math. Tests have proven that. I am insulted that he would flaunt that belief in hopes it might sneak past those of us in the top one percent who actually understand basic math. Further even fewer Americans get supply and demand which is another thing oil companies count on. Currently oil reserves and inventories are at record highs, supply is good. Demand may be high but the ratio is still heavier on the supply side. Some blame unrest in the Middle East. This explanation is bunk as that region has never been stable. By that logic gas prices would have never been low in the first place. Add to that the reserves in Iraq are now available for trade. Oil prices are high because I.Q.'s are low. Americans are dumb enough to bend over and take it squarely in the ass and only complain about the lack of lube. Had this happened with the founding fathers we would still be under English rule (think Boston Tea Party and "no taxation without representation"). Americans would revolt, but we are too busy letting reality TV rot our minds to learn math well enough to figure out we should. Ludicrous.
In Texas as in many other states it is illegal to sell toys intended for female gratification. Toys that are sold here are only to be sold as novelties and not allowed to be described by their actual intended use. To do so can have you thrown in jail and fined. Now I think sexually explicit material should not be in the hands of minors. I agree that places where these things may be sold should follow age verification rules just like night clubs. I think sexual activity should only be shared by consenting adults. I find it absolutely ludicrous that anyone thinks the government should control any aspect of what consenting adults do in their personal lives. I think all laws preventing any type of sexual activity between consenting adults should be immediately ruled unconstitutional. To do otherwise is ludicrous.
We need a revolution. This government cannot stand with those currently at the helm. It is time to issue a call to arms. Get government out of our bedrooms and back looking out for the actual interests of the citizenry. Anyone backwards enough to believe that sneaking across the border should be fully permitted, gas prices as they currently stand are not gouging, or that the government should have any say in my sex life needs to be removed from any position of power right now. We need to get off our collective asses and vote, run for office, lobby our congressmen, and rise to a full scale revolt! (To any militia men who might read this, put your assault rifle down, my revolt is one of voices and ideas.) Democracy is about majority rule. In America the majority are too lazy or apathetic to vote, much less rule. Free government should serve the people. Our government serves only itself. When will the original American fire that inspired our founding fathers flare up inside each of us? Will it be the day you can no longer afford the drive to work? How about when the welfare system stops being able to afford to feed the immigrant population? Maybe when the police show up at your door because you and your significant other tried a new position?
I know only a few people may ever read this. I challenge every one of you, even those who disagree with one or another of my points, if you a sick of where things in America are going, link to this post in your own blogs, send it to your friends, comment on it, think about it, DO SOMETHING! Without other voices raised with mine I am a lone man screaming into the wind. With a million others we are the wind.
Today kids we discuss the meaning of the word ludicrous. Ludicrous is literally defined as absurd or inviting ridicule. Ludicrous is people showing how much they want to work by taking the afternoon off. Ludicrous is the United States Senate thinking a $100 rebate check will offset the damage $3.00 a gallon gasoline will do to my bank account. Ludicrous is having politicians say it is illegal to sell sex toys to consenting adults.
Yesterday there was a nationwide walkout to show support for immigrants rights and to protest new immigration regulation. Restaurants closed, small businesses were crippled, and work ground to a halt. Forgive me for being logical here but aren't the reforms to curb "illegal" immigration? Wouldn't making it a simple process to get a legal guest worker card allow people who would otherwise have to sneak in under cover of darkness a legitimate path to a better life? I support a movement to improve life for legal immigrants. I support making it easier for people to become properly documented so they don't have to hide from police and are entitled to the benefits of law-abiding American life. The marches and rallies to support "immigrant rights" only serve to harm the cause of those who wish to come here legally. I have a friend who spent some time in Mexico city on a research program for his PhD. While there he fell in love with a girl and they were married. She was pregnant with his child when they came to get her immigration papers filed. Due to legal red tape she could not legally enter this country for over a year. Immigration quotas for Mexico are set extremely low because illegal immigration is so high, as it was explained to my friend by the INS employee assigned to their case. He, over the course of the next year, only saw his wife twice because he had to return for his doctoral program. He missed the birth of his child because our government cuts legal immigration numbers to mitigate the influx of illegals. Yet people stopped work for half a day to say this should remain as it is. Ludicrous.
This morning on the Today show (on NBC) I saw a story on a Senate plan to mitigate high gas prices by sending taxpayers a $100 rebate check at the end of the summer. Oil companies this quarter have turned record profits, over 12% above this time last year, which might I add were record at that time. The Senator they brought in to discuss this said the Senate would investigate to see whether there was price gouging but he did not believe there was. I get that senators might believe most Americans are bad at math. Tests have proven that. I am insulted that he would flaunt that belief in hopes it might sneak past those of us in the top one percent who actually understand basic math. Further even fewer Americans get supply and demand which is another thing oil companies count on. Currently oil reserves and inventories are at record highs, supply is good. Demand may be high but the ratio is still heavier on the supply side. Some blame unrest in the Middle East. This explanation is bunk as that region has never been stable. By that logic gas prices would have never been low in the first place. Add to that the reserves in Iraq are now available for trade. Oil prices are high because I.Q.'s are low. Americans are dumb enough to bend over and take it squarely in the ass and only complain about the lack of lube. Had this happened with the founding fathers we would still be under English rule (think Boston Tea Party and "no taxation without representation"). Americans would revolt, but we are too busy letting reality TV rot our minds to learn math well enough to figure out we should. Ludicrous.
In Texas as in many other states it is illegal to sell toys intended for female gratification. Toys that are sold here are only to be sold as novelties and not allowed to be described by their actual intended use. To do so can have you thrown in jail and fined. Now I think sexually explicit material should not be in the hands of minors. I agree that places where these things may be sold should follow age verification rules just like night clubs. I think sexual activity should only be shared by consenting adults. I find it absolutely ludicrous that anyone thinks the government should control any aspect of what consenting adults do in their personal lives. I think all laws preventing any type of sexual activity between consenting adults should be immediately ruled unconstitutional. To do otherwise is ludicrous.
We need a revolution. This government cannot stand with those currently at the helm. It is time to issue a call to arms. Get government out of our bedrooms and back looking out for the actual interests of the citizenry. Anyone backwards enough to believe that sneaking across the border should be fully permitted, gas prices as they currently stand are not gouging, or that the government should have any say in my sex life needs to be removed from any position of power right now. We need to get off our collective asses and vote, run for office, lobby our congressmen, and rise to a full scale revolt! (To any militia men who might read this, put your assault rifle down, my revolt is one of voices and ideas.) Democracy is about majority rule. In America the majority are too lazy or apathetic to vote, much less rule. Free government should serve the people. Our government serves only itself. When will the original American fire that inspired our founding fathers flare up inside each of us? Will it be the day you can no longer afford the drive to work? How about when the welfare system stops being able to afford to feed the immigrant population? Maybe when the police show up at your door because you and your significant other tried a new position?
I know only a few people may ever read this. I challenge every one of you, even those who disagree with one or another of my points, if you a sick of where things in America are going, link to this post in your own blogs, send it to your friends, comment on it, think about it, DO SOMETHING! Without other voices raised with mine I am a lone man screaming into the wind. With a million others we are the wind.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Feeling my inner QVC
I saw a product yesterday that made me want to roll on the floor laughing. I had stopped at a corner store and as I was checking out I saw the oddest product. It was a hybrid of two products most people would never associate with one another. That is until some inventor saw a need and filled it. (I assume this inventor was the type of person Jeff Foxworthy keeps talking about.) I give the following QVC pitch which I know they will want to jump on immediately.
"Have you ever been sitting there trimming your nails when someone hands you a beer bottle but no opener? What to do? Enter the nail clipper beer bottle opener. Never again will you have to stop your daily grooming to have a beer. You can even get yours with a picture of you favorite NASCAR driver on it. Act now and we will also send you a matching NASCAR coozie. Be the envy of the trailer park. It can be yours for just one payment of $2.95 (*mumbled faster than a NASCAR race* plus $24.95 shippingandhandling. OffernotvalidinMaineCaliforniaoranywherewithpeoplegoodatmath)."
I can see it now, phone lines all over the south jammed with people asking if you can pay with food stamps and Camel bucks.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Random babbles of the sleep deprived...
It is a little past 1am and I am beyond bored off my ass. Tiff is out with friends and I finally got Jasmine to bed at 11 after her bout with a mean little stomach bug. I was watching TV but lets face it, late night TV is a wasteland. I am too lazy to channel surf and there are only so many times you can see the same CSI re-run. One would think I would be fast asleep at the moment considering the most sleep I have gotten all week is a 6 hour stretch and that was only by sleeping through the alarm. The messed up part is I know there will be no sleeping in for me tomorrow either as Tiff has to work and I need to change the oil on the Honda.
I have no idea what to write about. I could complain about gas prices. I could make fun of stupid people. I've surfed around the net but nothing piques my interest at the moment. I know I should be up in arms over something or inspiring my readers to new planes of thought but to be honest all I want to do is sleep. Yet I keep typing instead...
Have you noticed all the noise in the blogsphere? Everywhere you go someone is saying, "Look at me! My life is important!" (this blog being a fine example of such) Really though, what makes our thoughts so important that we should be heard? Why should I be heard over all the others? A walk through the blog realm is a mind boggling thing. Some talk politics, others religion, and some even document their every bodily function in revolting detail. Why? More importantly, what will come of this? Will the world be a better place because of my babblings about politics, God, and stupid one-liners? Will they ever devise a Margarita that will mix itself when you are feeling too lazy to drink? Will I ever stop putting stupid rhetorical questions in my blog? Will someone please stop letting me post after midnight?
I have no idea what to write about. I could complain about gas prices. I could make fun of stupid people. I've surfed around the net but nothing piques my interest at the moment. I know I should be up in arms over something or inspiring my readers to new planes of thought but to be honest all I want to do is sleep. Yet I keep typing instead...
Have you noticed all the noise in the blogsphere? Everywhere you go someone is saying, "Look at me! My life is important!" (this blog being a fine example of such) Really though, what makes our thoughts so important that we should be heard? Why should I be heard over all the others? A walk through the blog realm is a mind boggling thing. Some talk politics, others religion, and some even document their every bodily function in revolting detail. Why? More importantly, what will come of this? Will the world be a better place because of my babblings about politics, God, and stupid one-liners? Will they ever devise a Margarita that will mix itself when you are feeling too lazy to drink? Will I ever stop putting stupid rhetorical questions in my blog? Will someone please stop letting me post after midnight?
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Rant-o-matic
I've got a few things on my mind today.
First, I've been reading through the news about Jill Carroll, the reporter held captive in Iraq for 82 days and released at the end of March. The media praises her for her bravery, surviving what many others have not. I join with them in this. She held on through what had to be hell. In order to be released she had to make an anti-war propaganda film "supporting" her captors. Again, I support her in this, it was a do or die situation. Now many in the conservative half of the blogshpere and parts of the media are blasting her, saying she was a willing participant. I don't give a rat's ass who you are or what your political alignment is, this is a human life we are talking about. She was an American just out doing her job and got kidnapped by the same thugs who behead unarmed Americans because they are too weak and spineless to face someone who might have a chance of defending themselves. They offered her freedom for saying some mean things about the president and the blog thugs fault her for taking them up on it? This pisses me off so much there are not words in the human vocabulary to describe it. What if she were your daughter, sister, or wife? Would you rather see her say some mean things about your president or see her head being severed with a dull knife while the blood gurgles down her throat and her screams become a death rattle? For the love of God, shut the fuck up.
In other news (trying to bring the blood pressure down a notch), my pit minion (yes D, I am stealing your topic) posted an interesting point about how MTV will edit the words "gun" or "rob" from any video they air but not words like "faggot" from the old Dire Straits song "Money for Nothin'". So, hate speech is ok but for the love of God if anyone mentions a gun and it is so bleeping gone. You can show boobs as long as you blur a two inch square over the nipple. Ass is cool as long as there is a thin string up the crack. Drugs are also cool. Maybe it is (to paraphrase Afroman) "...because the FCC got high." I am not generally a fan of censorship anyway but for the love of Pete, if you are going to censor things make some consistent rules. At a high school party I helped chaperone they played "My Hump" by the Black-Eyed Peas. They changed one lyric from "my lovely lady lumps" to "my lovely little lumps" while leaving in "what you going to do with all that breast inside that shirt" and "what you gonna do with all that ass inside them jeans." I know, in one verse of the regular version she uses the "little lumps" lyric but you could hear the splice where the DJ had inserted "little" over "lady".
I guess what drives me most crazy is the "slippery slope" concept used by most nay sayers. "Marijuana is a slippery slope to Crack and Heroin" or "Gay unions are a slippery slope to all of our children becoming gay" and my all time favorite "Stopping illegal immigrants is racist and a slippery slope to closing down our borders and not letting anyone in." Who gets to draw the line where that slope begins? Where is the ledge? Why is it that only the least informed and the most intolerant get a voice? For instance, why is it only police and fear mongers get to inform Dateline about MySpace? Where are those actually good enough at statistics to show how your child has a far better chance of being raped by a family member than anyone they meet online? All I saw were adults freaked out that their child had a MySpace account and saying they would make their child delete it immediately. God forbid their child have a place to vent. It would be far better for them to bottle all emotions and maybe kill themselves than have their name on the net.
Ok, I have vented enough for now. Next time we return to our regularly scheduled bullshit.
First, I've been reading through the news about Jill Carroll, the reporter held captive in Iraq for 82 days and released at the end of March. The media praises her for her bravery, surviving what many others have not. I join with them in this. She held on through what had to be hell. In order to be released she had to make an anti-war propaganda film "supporting" her captors. Again, I support her in this, it was a do or die situation. Now many in the conservative half of the blogshpere and parts of the media are blasting her, saying she was a willing participant. I don't give a rat's ass who you are or what your political alignment is, this is a human life we are talking about. She was an American just out doing her job and got kidnapped by the same thugs who behead unarmed Americans because they are too weak and spineless to face someone who might have a chance of defending themselves. They offered her freedom for saying some mean things about the president and the blog thugs fault her for taking them up on it? This pisses me off so much there are not words in the human vocabulary to describe it. What if she were your daughter, sister, or wife? Would you rather see her say some mean things about your president or see her head being severed with a dull knife while the blood gurgles down her throat and her screams become a death rattle? For the love of God, shut the fuck up.
In other news (trying to bring the blood pressure down a notch), my pit minion (yes D, I am stealing your topic) posted an interesting point about how MTV will edit the words "gun" or "rob" from any video they air but not words like "faggot" from the old Dire Straits song "Money for Nothin'". So, hate speech is ok but for the love of God if anyone mentions a gun and it is so bleeping gone. You can show boobs as long as you blur a two inch square over the nipple. Ass is cool as long as there is a thin string up the crack. Drugs are also cool. Maybe it is (to paraphrase Afroman) "...because the FCC got high." I am not generally a fan of censorship anyway but for the love of Pete, if you are going to censor things make some consistent rules. At a high school party I helped chaperone they played "My Hump" by the Black-Eyed Peas. They changed one lyric from "my lovely lady lumps" to "my lovely little lumps" while leaving in "what you going to do with all that breast inside that shirt" and "what you gonna do with all that ass inside them jeans." I know, in one verse of the regular version she uses the "little lumps" lyric but you could hear the splice where the DJ had inserted "little" over "lady".
I guess what drives me most crazy is the "slippery slope" concept used by most nay sayers. "Marijuana is a slippery slope to Crack and Heroin" or "Gay unions are a slippery slope to all of our children becoming gay" and my all time favorite "Stopping illegal immigrants is racist and a slippery slope to closing down our borders and not letting anyone in." Who gets to draw the line where that slope begins? Where is the ledge? Why is it that only the least informed and the most intolerant get a voice? For instance, why is it only police and fear mongers get to inform Dateline about MySpace? Where are those actually good enough at statistics to show how your child has a far better chance of being raped by a family member than anyone they meet online? All I saw were adults freaked out that their child had a MySpace account and saying they would make their child delete it immediately. God forbid their child have a place to vent. It would be far better for them to bottle all emotions and maybe kill themselves than have their name on the net.
Ok, I have vented enough for now. Next time we return to our regularly scheduled bullshit.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Google Page Creator Beta
WARNING: High geek content in this post!
Today Google sent me the email confirming my Google Page Creator Beta account has been created. Of course I logged on and immediately dove in. Within ten minutes I had a nice clean page up including a photo, links section, and a decent layout. See here.
The interface was simple and allowed quick editing of the basic features the average user would use. I must state here that this is for simple page creation only. While it does allow some basic editing of HTML most of the design elements are controlled by the simple CSS based layouts. The code created by the editor is pretty clean although I am disappointed they used a DOCTYPE of XHTML 1.0 Strict and then failed to configure the page layout to even fully meet the XHTML 1.0 Transitional standard (according to the XHTML Validator).
The Google Pages site allows each user up to 100 MB for hosting their pages and images. This is sufficient for the casual user to post photos of the kids, vacation time, or whatever else strikes their fancy. From what I have tried so far Flash and other embedded files are not fully supported.
Final Verdict: Google Page Creator Beta is a good solution for someone wanting to post a simple webpage with photos and not much else. The simple, clean interface is great for the casual user and it doesn't require them to understand HTML or own a domain. It publishes far cleaner code than FrontPage and the CSS is coded to work with most CSS capable browsers.
Today Google sent me the email confirming my Google Page Creator Beta account has been created. Of course I logged on and immediately dove in. Within ten minutes I had a nice clean page up including a photo, links section, and a decent layout. See here.
The interface was simple and allowed quick editing of the basic features the average user would use. I must state here that this is for simple page creation only. While it does allow some basic editing of HTML most of the design elements are controlled by the simple CSS based layouts. The code created by the editor is pretty clean although I am disappointed they used a DOCTYPE of XHTML 1.0 Strict and then failed to configure the page layout to even fully meet the XHTML 1.0 Transitional standard (according to the XHTML Validator).
The Google Pages site allows each user up to 100 MB for hosting their pages and images. This is sufficient for the casual user to post photos of the kids, vacation time, or whatever else strikes their fancy. From what I have tried so far Flash and other embedded files are not fully supported.
Final Verdict: Google Page Creator Beta is a good solution for someone wanting to post a simple webpage with photos and not much else. The simple, clean interface is great for the casual user and it doesn't require them to understand HTML or own a domain. It publishes far cleaner code than FrontPage and the CSS is coded to work with most CSS capable browsers.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Behold, a post!
I haven't had much time to post of late and in the spare moments I have my mind goes blank and I stare at the screen. My thoughts aren't even cohesive enough to make a brain dump post. I have read the news to get angry at stuff but it is all passe. Making fun of George Bush is so last week. I know there are important issues I should scream about, stupid things I should satirize, or personal stories I should tell but I am just too tired to come up with any of that. I wish I was on a deserted beach with a never-ending pitcher of Margaritas, the shade of a tree, and the cool spray of a crystal blue sea. At this point I would take a Miller lite and a lawn chair set up in front of Oso Bay (for those not from Corpus Christi, Oso is a shallow pond that passes for a bay). I am not sick or depressed, just tired and unmotivated.
Question for the peanut gallery, what do you do when you feel lethargic?
I guess while I am here I should put my 2 bits in about the Nine Inch Nails show here last week. NIN puts on one hell of a show. The opening act sucked balls but once NIN got onstage it more than made up for the opening jackass. Big John and I went to the pit for a while and unleashed our inner metalheads. The light show was masterfully done. Had they found a better opening band it would have been great.
Something was missing though. My pit minion is broken. I won't go into gory details other than to say she needs all the good mojo anyone can send her way. She is recovering from a bad case of modern medicine and the pit won't be the same till she is back in it with me. Love ya D.
I still love my job which I can honestly say amazes me. I have never loved any job more than a week and I have been here over a month. It takes a lot to get a lazy jackass like me out of bed at 6:00 am every day.
Wow...and here I thought my mind was blank...
Question for the peanut gallery, what do you do when you feel lethargic?
I guess while I am here I should put my 2 bits in about the Nine Inch Nails show here last week. NIN puts on one hell of a show. The opening act sucked balls but once NIN got onstage it more than made up for the opening jackass. Big John and I went to the pit for a while and unleashed our inner metalheads. The light show was masterfully done. Had they found a better opening band it would have been great.
Something was missing though. My pit minion is broken. I won't go into gory details other than to say she needs all the good mojo anyone can send her way. She is recovering from a bad case of modern medicine and the pit won't be the same till she is back in it with me. Love ya D.
I still love my job which I can honestly say amazes me. I have never loved any job more than a week and I have been here over a month. It takes a lot to get a lazy jackass like me out of bed at 6:00 am every day.
Wow...and here I thought my mind was blank...
Monday, March 20, 2006
Road Rage
I drive down some two lane roads to get to work every day. They are farm roads with a posted speed limit of 70 and no place for cops to hide. This cuts my time to get to work in half. Normally. Then we have days like today. As I was driving someone pulled out that should have waited and took forever to accelerate to the exciting top speed of 50. Traffic was spaced on the other side just close enough to make passing unsafe. Once I finally got around that bozo I was approaching a curve. Coming the other way was an 18-wheeler. As we turned he crossed the line almost sending me into either the ditch or his over sized trailer. Had I been in a car less nimble than my Honda Accord I would be in the E.R., not my office.
Drivers like these make me wish they would allow the use of car mounted tactical explosives. If you travel more than five miles per hour under the speed limit *BOOM*. Turn out of your lane into mine *BOOM*. If I could drive the M1 tank I would. I wouldn't even need the gun turret. Just roll right over the fuckers. With the governor removed they are capable of 90 mph.
I know these measures are too extreme to be allowed by the government (the same bastards who keep putting in speed bumps) but you can't blame a guy for wishful thinking.
I do think people should actually be pulled over for going too slow though. I also think everyone over the age of 60 everyone should be forced to take a driving test yearly. Older people's driving skills can deteriorate rapidly until one day they drive through a crowd of people. I have personally been hit twice by old ladies who thought they were hitting the brake. Every time I get the urge to get out and beat the shit out of someone who cuts me off and drives 20 mph under the limit they are invariably old. I remember following one that ran 3 lights at 5 mph.
Then you have truckers who get 3 weeks of training and suddenly they are worthy of a CDL. Forget taking the time to teach them proper turning on two lane farm roads. We have products to move. We have insurance to pay for the damage these uneducated dolts do. Fuckers.
These people need to get off of the road.
Ok, I am not saying pull them all off the road. Just the ones who drive in front of me...
Drivers like these make me wish they would allow the use of car mounted tactical explosives. If you travel more than five miles per hour under the speed limit *BOOM*. Turn out of your lane into mine *BOOM*. If I could drive the M1 tank I would. I wouldn't even need the gun turret. Just roll right over the fuckers. With the governor removed they are capable of 90 mph.
I know these measures are too extreme to be allowed by the government (the same bastards who keep putting in speed bumps) but you can't blame a guy for wishful thinking.
I do think people should actually be pulled over for going too slow though. I also think everyone over the age of 60 everyone should be forced to take a driving test yearly. Older people's driving skills can deteriorate rapidly until one day they drive through a crowd of people. I have personally been hit twice by old ladies who thought they were hitting the brake. Every time I get the urge to get out and beat the shit out of someone who cuts me off and drives 20 mph under the limit they are invariably old. I remember following one that ran 3 lights at 5 mph.
Then you have truckers who get 3 weeks of training and suddenly they are worthy of a CDL. Forget taking the time to teach them proper turning on two lane farm roads. We have products to move. We have insurance to pay for the damage these uneducated dolts do. Fuckers.
These people need to get off of the road.
Ok, I am not saying pull them all off the road. Just the ones who drive in front of me...
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
"Counting Blue Cars"
Today's post is more philosophical than funny. Just giving you the heads up now.
I drove by a sign this morning that said, "Jesus is still our only hope." Immediately my inner stand up comic commented, "Really? Our only hope is a two thousand year old dead guy?" I laughed about that one most of the way to work. It got me thinking about religion though. I think few people have much argument that Jesus Christ, the man who walked through Israel preaching peace and love, was a good man who taught people how to live in harmony with each other. If you grab a Bible with the words of Christ in red not one of them teaches anything but love, forgiveness, and peace. He even specifically commands us not to judge others and to care for each other as brothers and sisters. Beyond the recorded words of his we have only the words of his devout followers to know his teachings.
Fast forward to modern Christianity and we have a litany of religions ready to lay judgment on any who do not share their beliefs. People teach their children God loves everyone. Then they all go to a protest of gay marriage holding a "God hates gays" sign. Others teach their kids the (insert religion of choice here) are going to hell because of some minor difference in interpretation of some scripture.
So which is it? God loves everyone or only those who believe as you do? Go back to those words in red and find me one passage that gives any man the authority to tell another he is going to hell. While you are at it, find one in the words of Moses, Muhammad, Buddha, or Lao Tzu.
How would the world be if we took only the actual words of the teachers like Christ, Moses, Buddha, and Lao Tzu and tried to live them? What if we ignored the words of all who preach hate and prejudice as the "Word of God" and only lived the real doctrine? Would we find God? Would we find the God within ourselves? Who would God be? If there was no God, would life at least be better by living those words? Is it even possible for we as humans to comprehend a world where peace and love are a way of life, not just ideals we pretend to strive for?
For those who don't get the reference in the title, look up the song of that name by Dishwalla. Then, tell me all your thoughts on God. The comment lines are now open. And the answer might just come faster than a prayer...
I drove by a sign this morning that said, "Jesus is still our only hope." Immediately my inner stand up comic commented, "Really? Our only hope is a two thousand year old dead guy?" I laughed about that one most of the way to work. It got me thinking about religion though. I think few people have much argument that Jesus Christ, the man who walked through Israel preaching peace and love, was a good man who taught people how to live in harmony with each other. If you grab a Bible with the words of Christ in red not one of them teaches anything but love, forgiveness, and peace. He even specifically commands us not to judge others and to care for each other as brothers and sisters. Beyond the recorded words of his we have only the words of his devout followers to know his teachings.
Fast forward to modern Christianity and we have a litany of religions ready to lay judgment on any who do not share their beliefs. People teach their children God loves everyone. Then they all go to a protest of gay marriage holding a "God hates gays" sign. Others teach their kids the (insert religion of choice here) are going to hell because of some minor difference in interpretation of some scripture.
So which is it? God loves everyone or only those who believe as you do? Go back to those words in red and find me one passage that gives any man the authority to tell another he is going to hell. While you are at it, find one in the words of Moses, Muhammad, Buddha, or Lao Tzu.
How would the world be if we took only the actual words of the teachers like Christ, Moses, Buddha, and Lao Tzu and tried to live them? What if we ignored the words of all who preach hate and prejudice as the "Word of God" and only lived the real doctrine? Would we find God? Would we find the God within ourselves? Who would God be? If there was no God, would life at least be better by living those words? Is it even possible for we as humans to comprehend a world where peace and love are a way of life, not just ideals we pretend to strive for?
For those who don't get the reference in the title, look up the song of that name by Dishwalla. Then, tell me all your thoughts on God. The comment lines are now open. And the answer might just come faster than a prayer...
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Quotes to ponder
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Ben Franklin
"Taking offence is the last bastion of the ill prepared."
-Michael J. Clarkson, Jr.
(after hearing a debate where being offended was considered an argument)
"You say tomato, I say be quiet. You say potato, I say shut up. You say banana, I bash your head open."
-Ministry of Idiots
-Ben Franklin
"Taking offence is the last bastion of the ill prepared."
-Michael J. Clarkson, Jr.
(after hearing a debate where being offended was considered an argument)
"You say tomato, I say be quiet. You say potato, I say shut up. You say banana, I bash your head open."
-Ministry of Idiots
Random thoughts
I flew to Houston yesterday on Continental Express. They loaded us on to a pack of gum with wings and thirty minutes later almost needed the jaws of life to extricate my ass from the seat. The time in Houston was productive though. I set up some systems for a company recently purchased by my new employer and was home in time for dinner.
I found this quiz on MySpace and thought the results were funny.
Which Angel Or Demon Are You?
How evil are you?
Am I really that bad? Don't answer that...
I found this quiz on MySpace and thought the results were funny.
Which Angel Or Demon Are You?
How evil are you?
Am I really that bad? Don't answer that...
Monday, March 06, 2006
Male bonding
Angel (a.k.a. RevSapphire) and her fiance Nick came to town from Austin for the weekend and we hung out last night. The gang got together which usually means "the girls" and I but this time we had Nick.
Ye Gods it is nice to talk to a guy every once in a while. Nick is a fellow Sys Admin geek which made it awesome. It has been ages since I could talk to a male intellectual equal in person. Not that chilling with the girls isn't great. I love hanging out with them. Every once in a while though I like talking to someone whose eyes don't glaze over when I mention VOIP, routers, power supplies, quantum physics, or Spike TV. I am a guy's guy. I like electronics, science, and building things with my own two hands. At the end of a hard day I want what most guys want. I want a beer and I want to see something naked. While the ladies in my life get that, I am not sure they entirely grasp it.
When two women get together after not seeing each other in years they sit and chat, talking about each other's lives and getting caught up. Two guys get together and discuss the Cowboys' last season, new gadgets/electronics, and for the science guys, the nature of the universe. One guy could have lost his right leg and unless he took off the prosthetic, the other would have no idea. Even then, they would spend more time discussing the technology involved in the fake leg than the actual loss of the real one (unless it was lost while doing something manly like shark fishing or chainsaw juggling).
In any case I finished the night feeling intellectually stimulated with observations like, "You know, people are dying every minute that have never died before" and "I wonder if they spray the 3M adhesive on the pizza box to attach the coupons after they put the pizza in. You think they might get out of order? Put the pizza in. Close the box. Spray the glue. Put the pizza in. Close the box. Spray the glue. Spray the glue. Put the pizza in. Close the box...wait..." The whole time going through that routine I'm picturing the guy who gets the pizza that is glued to the box.
Ye Gods it is nice to talk to a guy every once in a while. Nick is a fellow Sys Admin geek which made it awesome. It has been ages since I could talk to a male intellectual equal in person. Not that chilling with the girls isn't great. I love hanging out with them. Every once in a while though I like talking to someone whose eyes don't glaze over when I mention VOIP, routers, power supplies, quantum physics, or Spike TV. I am a guy's guy. I like electronics, science, and building things with my own two hands. At the end of a hard day I want what most guys want. I want a beer and I want to see something naked. While the ladies in my life get that, I am not sure they entirely grasp it.
When two women get together after not seeing each other in years they sit and chat, talking about each other's lives and getting caught up. Two guys get together and discuss the Cowboys' last season, new gadgets/electronics, and for the science guys, the nature of the universe. One guy could have lost his right leg and unless he took off the prosthetic, the other would have no idea. Even then, they would spend more time discussing the technology involved in the fake leg than the actual loss of the real one (unless it was lost while doing something manly like shark fishing or chainsaw juggling).
In any case I finished the night feeling intellectually stimulated with observations like, "You know, people are dying every minute that have never died before" and "I wonder if they spray the 3M adhesive on the pizza box to attach the coupons after they put the pizza in. You think they might get out of order? Put the pizza in. Close the box. Spray the glue. Put the pizza in. Close the box. Spray the glue. Spray the glue. Put the pizza in. Close the box...wait..." The whole time going through that routine I'm picturing the guy who gets the pizza that is glued to the box.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Captain Obvious and the Masters of the Conspicuous
A resounding DUH went over the crowd...
On Reuters today there was the headline, "Most U.S. high school dropouts regretful - study". You mean saying, "Would you like to supersize that" 400 times a day isn't fulfilling? Well I'll be damned. Who'd have thunk it.Who is behind these studies? Being paid almost $10,000 less per year than high school graduates really sucks. Do we need a study to show us people would regret that? Who would fund that study? The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Of course, people who make more money in two seconds than I make in 20 years. Hey Bill, could you commission a study on what happens when you give an egomaniacal sys admin $10,000,000? I volunteer my services should you ever decide to take me up on that. You know, for the good of society and all...
Americans are dumb
Case in point. Can you name one of the five freedoms listed in the first amendment? Hint: none of the answers are, "the right to own and raise pets", an error made by one in five respondents to a survey of over 1000 Americans. Only 8% could name three First Amendment rights and only 28% could name more than one. Two-thirds of respondents did remember freedom of speech as one of five rights in the First Amendment, but just one person accurately named all five.Now, can you name one of the five members of the Simpson family from Fox's "the Simpsons?" Half of the 1,000 Americans surveyed could name at least two of the five members of Fox Television's Simpson family.
Now is it just me or didn't Jay Leno already do that one on Jay Walking...
(For the record, the First Amendment guarantees freedom of religion, speech, the press, the right to assemble, and the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. I had to look that last one up.)
If you need any further proof I leave you with this, pulled straight from News of the Weird, "Police arrested David Kennedy, 33, in January near Murfreesboro, Tenn., after he accidentally ran other drivers off the road, perhaps from being distracted by the open pornographic magazines that were in his front seat."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)