Modern Religion

This weekend my wife dragged my heathen ass to the grand opening at my in-laws' church. Their new building is the largest venue of its kind in this area. I have been seeing the construction since it began and have been curious how the inside turned out. It proved to be an interesting experience.

Going to Bay Area Fellowship is seriously like walking into a rock concert for Jesus. On a Saturday evening they were able to pack over 3000 people into the church and then repeat that 3 more times the next day. By comparison the average orthodox Christian church is lucky to pull in 350 parishioners on Easter and Christmas.

Bay Area is one of the new breed of churches geared to the MTV generation, catering to the short attention span with a light and sound show worthy of Pink Floyd. The pastor is part comic, part motivational speaker, and just a splash of snake oil salesman, using jokes and props to try and relate 2,000 year old doctrine to Generation X. Has Christianity turned over a new leaf? Could this new, modern Jesus be the enlightened step to freedom for millions of Christians?

I doubt it. During the sermon he said he hoped there were atheists in the audience. He then proceeded to say that to deny Christ one had to be uneducated. His source was the "Testimonium Flavianum" found in "Jewish Antiquities" by Josephus. The problem with using that text with this atheist is the fact that I am indeed educated in Christian history. Josephus was a Jewish historian who, while in Rome, proceeded to write a history of the Jews from the many accounts which he had heard. His history was published around 90 C.E., some 60 years after the crucification of Christ. The original text has long since been lost and the oldest of the copies is debatable. In what we have of the texts Josephus is quoted as saying,

"About this time there lived Jesus, a wise man if indeed one ought to call him a man. For he was one who wrought surprising feats and was a teacher of such people as accept the truth gladly. He won over many Jews and many of the Greeks. He was the Messiah. When Pilate, upon hearing him accused by men of the highest standing among us, had condemned him to be crucified, those who had in the first place come to love him did not cease. On the third day he appeared to them restored to life. For the prophets of God had prophesied these and myriads of other marvellous things about him. And the tribe of the Christians, so called after him, has still up to now, not disappeared." -Antiquities, Josephus, I. H. Feldman Translation

This version is widely regarded as a later Christian Redaction of what is contained in one of the Arabic translations,

"They reported that he had appeared to them after his crucifixion and that he was alive; accordingly, he was perhaps the Messiah concerning whom the prophets have recounted wonders."-Antiquities, Josephus, From Agapios' Kitab al-'Unwan

The question is, is Josephus proclaiming Jesus to in fact be the Messiah or simply repeating the rumors which he heard? The Feldman translation comes from manuscripts provided by the Catholic church which for me instantly puts a dubious light on them.

The pastor then went on to speak of the hundreds of witnesses to the risen Christ and their historical record. Yes, their historical record would be a damning bit of evidence for an Atheist. Even one eyewitness account would be pretty moving. Problem is, none of the Gospels were written by eyewitnesses, none of the gnostic texts, and none of the Epistles. We have at best third hand re-tellings of the event and at worst flat out lies.

All of this sounded eerily like the tactics of politicians, telling you something false or dubious in such a matter of fact way that you see it as fact. The sad part is, I guarantee you that every parishioner in that place would have argued that point till they were blue in the face because their pastor said it was truth. The joys of modern evangelical Christianity, giving you all of the ability to bury you head in the sand as old Christianity with all the lights and sounds of MTV. It is enough to make my head hurt.

Proof that dining alone is bad for you

I went to lunch solo today, as I often do, and stopped in at the local BBQ joint for a po'boy and an iced tea. The place is packed as usual with oilfield and refinery workers, all rough and driving 3/4 ton trucks that could tow your house. While dining and minding my own business, I made a random observation about the dessert most were having. There is absolutely no manly way to eat an ice cream cone. You can be a 6'4", 300 pound guy with a beard thick enough to scrub rust from a barbecue grill and a shaved head yet the moment you start eating an ice cream cone you look like more of a fairy than the cast of an average show on Bravo. It is a thought I just didn't need. And now I have passed it to you. Try cleaning that out of your brain...

Solving the world's problems

My wife and I had a conversation last night that started with me coming up with the solution to something, can't remember what, and her asking if that was what I was spending my time thinking about on the crapper. I came back with, "Well that and solving world hunger."

Then it somehow took a serious turn as the solution to world hunger popped into my brain. Solve for greed and indifference. If we can solve those problems we end war, hunger, poverty, and hate. Now before everyone goes, "Boy is this guy a naive little shit" hear me out. I get that it is truly impossible to solve for greed completely. It is part of human nature. It is worth trying though.

If we took the amount spent on the Iraq war, we could fully insure 246,000,000 Americans, or give scholarships to 19,000,000 Americans, or build over 3,000,000 additional housing units for the poor. If we took the amount spent on projects designed to line the pockets of corporations that paid for campaigns, we could feed every hungry child in America. Every bomb we drop or missile we fire costs another $30-50,000 not counting the costs of rebuilding the country we just bombed to hell. Every soldier that dies costs this country another of its finest citizens, something we could never put a price on.

Don't get me wrong, I will support any war that defends our borders or rights civil injustices. Iraq does neither of those. It serves only to forward the interests of Haliburton and the other vultures the President has allied himself with. If it were about human rights then why aren't we in Darfur? Why haven't we sanctioned China? If it was about terrorism why haven't we taken on Saudi Arabia or Syria? Iraq was solely about greed in its most unabashed form. Why has it continued? Because Americans are so indifferent and lazy we refuse to actually take action to stop this. We accept all the garbage the media (I am looking at you Fox News) feeds us and let these greedy bastards destroy our world.

So how do we solve for greed? How can we, average citizens of the world, stop greed at its highest levels? Stop it at home. Stop running up debt to acquire crap you don't need. Stop teaching our kids it is okay to purchase $100 jeans and $500 shoes. Stop promising to donate to charity and then deciding you need something else instead. As for indifference, we who are awake to the travesties committed by our government have to shout these atrocities from the rooftops (no, not literally) and rally all of America. Our destruction comes not from a bearded asshole with a turban but from a well dressed politician claiming to protect us as our liberties are stolen slowly away.

Write your congressman, your senator, even your city councilman. Propose that your legislators support resolutions to end this war. While a city council has no real power to end this war by itself, if hundreds of cities nationwide resolve against this we can send a clear signal to our leaders they are on notice. Finally, we need to vote against any politician not willing to act to end this war NOW. Talk time is over, we must act. This is a call to Revolution, not a non-binding resolution. Take note Democrats, non-binding resolutions are impotent actions that mean nothing. It is like telling the school bully not to take your lunch money or you'll make a stern face at him. End it, or you all get cleaned out with the wash.

The Obligatory "I'm not dead" Post

I'm not dead, just uninspired. I have gone to post many times since the last post but every time I load this screen and start to type I feel like I'm being redundant. Further, I am not sure what may or may not interest my readers and possibly make a difference in the grand scheme of things. I know I have readers. My website statistics show people stumbling in here from all over the world, some staying for more than a couple of seconds. These readers are a bit shy of course as I have tried every way I can think of to get you to reply in some way and make this more dialog than monologue. A couple of you have taken the challenge but most just lurk quietly reading. If this blog contains anything the even remotely evokes an emotion in you, love, hate, or general indifference, reply to this post. Tell me what you would like to see. Ask and ye shall receive.

Ask Mike, Dubbya edition

For this week's edition of Ask Mike we go to a (fake) email from a Mr. Dubbya where he asks (not really):

Dear Mike,

I keep trying to fix things in Iraq but nobody seems to see my vision. Their president has the insane notion HE is in charge even though I keep telling him he can only be in charge when he agrees with me. I keep supporting the Shiite leaders and can't for the life of me figure out why their mortal enemies the Sunnis are all pissed off. Why can't anyone understand that I talk to God and everyone should listen to me?

Yours Truly,
Dubbya

Dubbya,

Remember when you used to sit on Santa's lap and whisper your dream gift in his ear and come Christmas day you found socks under the tree instead? After a few Christmases like that your mom finally told you the man at the mall was just a hobo they paid to tell you what you wanted to hear and take your photo for $5.00 and then hand you a Saf-T-Pop on your way out. This is just like that. The "Voice of God" is just Cheney in a beard again. Stop throwing troops in the middle of two groups that hate each other. If you want to fix this you need to step the fuck out and hand it to the people who understand the situation.

You see, most of the countries surrounding Iraq are Sunni, the same branch of Islam as Saddam and the current bunch of insurgents. The Iranians and the current ruling class in Iraq are Shiite. These two hate each other like Rush Limbaugh and Al Franken and have for millenia. This is not going away because some stupid bumpkin from Texas says Jesus said so.

To stop this fighting you have to turn to the Sunni and Shiite nations surrounding Iraq, which incidentally won't help as long as we are there, and have them broker a deal. These lunatics will not listen to a nation they consider infidel invaders. They will on the other hand listen to the leaders of nations that are willing to eradicate them if they don't comply.

Now if you didn't understand any of this, tell Laura to read it and explain it to you. Hopefully for all our sakes she can get through you ignorant twit. Now go play in the sandbox and stop getting our boys killed because you are an ignorant ass that can't understand what happens when you try to break up a fight between rabid dogs.

Signed,
Mike

Tune in next time when I announce my candidacy for President in the 2012 election running on the "Fuck You" ticket.

Re-affirming my belief in our future

I just got back from judging the Calallen Speech and Debate Tournament. I've said it before and I'll say it again, just when my belief in our society is dwindling, I judge a tournament and those kids bring a spark of hope back to a roaring fire. I watch speakers who started rough around the edges last year grow into polished orators. I see kids tackling powerful topics with a passion and fire that inspires me. Topics that most adults are scared to skirt these kids plow right through. I am exhausted now from a full day of judging but I sleep tonight with renewed hope for the future.

Ask Mike, Atheism 101 Edition

I was asked a rather lengthy question by P. Martin in the comments of my last post and while I answered it there I found it worthy to pull to a more prominent place for all to see. As it is long and multi-part I will break it down, placing each answer in an indented paragraph.

"I have some questions about atheism. Maybe you know the answers."

First let me be clear, atheism is a rather broad category that merely implies lack of belief in a deity. My answers here stem from scientific atheism, or in the words of Richard Dawkins, Einsteinian Religion.

Q: Do atheists believe in ghosts, vampires, zombies, returning from the dead, etc.?

A: Using the strict definitions of those words no. I will caveat that there are many strange and well documented phenomenon which to this point science has not fully explained. I like to use the rule that when one hears hoof beats he should think horses, not zebras. To me it is the zebra syndrome when one labels something supernatural before eliminating the natural possibilities.

Q: Do atheists believe in any form of life after death?

A: No. There is no scientific evidence to support such a conclusion.

Q: Do atheists believe that if they kill someone and nobody ever finds out, then it’s ok?

A: To claim morals come from a belief in a god is horridly irresponsible. "Thou shalt not kill" existed long before Judeo-Christian theology. If I were to follow the morals laid out by the God of the Bible I would have to stone my child to death for disobedience, my wife would have to wear a veil and not speak unless spoken to, and I could explain away killing my first born by saying God made me do it. Belief in God does not equal having a solid moral code and disbelief in one does not mean lack of moral direction. In the atheist doing that which is right is intrinsically good and is not done out of fear of reprisal from a vengeful bearded old guy in the sky.

Q: Do atheists capitalize the name “Hitler”, but not the name “God”?

A: The name God refers to a specific deity also known as Allah, Elohim, Yaweh, and a myriad of other names by the big three monotheistic religions. The word god is not in and of itself a proper name as it could refer to any mythological being in the pantheon of gods and therefore, as it is not a proper noun, does not require capitalization. Hitler is on the other hand the proper name of a genocidal maniac.

Q: Is there an atheist spell-checker that ignores this “error”?

A: As it is in fact NOT an error, all spell-checkers should ignore it. Google toolbar does. Microsoft word as well.

Q: Do atheists think Hitler was a jerk, but only because he believed in a God?

A: Hitler was a jerk because he killed millions who believed differently than he did including gays, Jews, gypsies, and many Christians. He used God as justification for killing millions of people. If we look at the crusades and the Inquisition we see the same thing, God used to justify genocide. The book of Joshua in the Bible is filled with God induced genocide. Genocidal maniac = Bad guy, no matter what his justification.

Q: If atheists don’t believe in God, why do they care if anyone else believes in God? (I don’t believe in little green men from mars, but I could give a shit if you do)

A: I only care when that belief is used to justify wars, prejudice, or arcane laws with no basis in reality. Religion is a dangerous drug. Like other drugs, most addicts do little harm to others but the ones who do make it wise to rid the world of them entirely.

Q: During sex do atheists ever say “Oh God, I’m gonna’ cum!”?

A: Yes. At least I do. Beats "Oh science, I'm gonna cum!" doesn't it?

Q: When angry, do atheists ever say “God damn it!” or “Go to hell!”?

A: I use "Oh, God" and "God damn it" because "Oh, science" and "Reality damn it" just don't carry the same potency.

Q: Do atheists ever see the image of Christ on a bagel or a slice of toast?

A: No, but I once saw a Cheeto that looked like the Pope's hat.

Q: Do atheists never feel like “somebody up there” is watching out for them?

A: Every time I hear about Bush's NSA policies.

Q: Do atheists celebrate Christmas, take a Christmas vacation, or accept a Christmas bonus? If so, why?

A: I do. So does Richard Dawkins. Christmas has been a secular/pagan holiday for much longer than it was a Christian one. Jesus was just shoved in as an attempt to convert the pagans. Does anyone really still believe the man called Jesus was born in December? Really?

Q: When testifying in a court of law, are atheists required to swear on a bible?

A: Only truly backwards jurisdictions would force someone to swear on a book of fairy tales.

So kids, that about sums up our Ask Mike for today. Tune in next time when I tackle the question, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" Until next time remember to smile, it makes people wonder what you are up to.

Christmas thoughts of an atheist

I grew up in a very Jesus-centric household where every Christmas we read from the Bible and complained that Christmas was becoming too commercialized. Over those 27 holiday seasons I developed the knee-jerk reaction to rail against the secularization of the birth of our Lord. Over the last year my faith in religion as a whole has died and I enter my first holiday season as an atheist. This has generated some strange new emotions for me.

I spent an hour this morning wandering the Wal-Mart waiting for the bank to open so I could deposit my Christmas bonus. In my wanderings I couldn't help but feel an odd sense of the surreal at the strange juxtaposition of sounds wafting through this bastion of commercialism. The Christmas carols over the intercom mixed with the ads from the myriad televisions strategically placed throughout the store, all jarringly interrupted at random intervals with loud and often un-intelligible announcements over the PA system. The experience went something like, "Have your self a merry lit...Always low pri...WILL MARY SMITH PLEASE COME TO CUSTOMER SERVICE, YOUR MRHH MEH HUMPH IS MATING...from now on your troubles will be far aw...come see the next generation in shaving from Gille...ATTENTION WAL-MART SHOPPERS, WE HAVE A SPECIAL ON PENNZOIL IN OUR AUTOMOTIVE SECTION..." Because nothing says "Birth of Jesus" like a case of discount 5w-30.

I stopped at McDonald's and washed down a $3.00 heart attack with coffee and orange juice, allowing myself to take in fully the experience of holiday discount shopping. In years past I would have been in church at this time, fighting a boredom induced coma while listening to someone tell the story of the Christ child with their "new" and "interesting" perspective. By new I mean the same old story with slightly different colored paint. By interesting I mean somewhere between watching said paint dry and Chinese water torture. Now here I was dining in the Shrine of Gluttony located within the Cathedral of Lower Prices. Such irony is not lost on me.

As the time came for the bank to open I went and deposited the funds I would soon be donating to the Perpetuate Christian Mythology to Promote Economic Growth Fund, or PCMPEGF, and walked out into an unusually brisk wind. There was the bell ringer, standing there ringing his little bell and singing a very off-key rendition of jingle bells. His nose was red from the biting cold wind and few people even took the time to glance his way but he seemed genuinely happy.

I pulled the two wrinkled dollars I had in my pocket left over from the night of drinking and debauchery we had after the company Christmas party and slipped it in his little red can. The words "Merry Christmas" rolled off my tongue in reply to this jolly old man's "God bless you".

It was at that moment that I realized, whether you believe the man Jesus was Son of God or just the wise son of a carpenter, his words of peace and love still have meaning. This old man had found joy in standing out in the cold ringing a bell to raise money for those less fortunate than him. I can't help but think that it was this that Christ was talking about, that selfless love of your fellow man, regardless of his race, creed, opinion, or religion. It is in that selfless, blind love that lies the secret to peace on earth. If you do nothing else this holiday season between fighting crowds, dealing with family and wrapping gifts, take a moment and give to one of the myriad charities out there trying to make life on this big spinning rock of ours better. It may not get you off the naughty list but at least it will help when you go to Santa hoping to appeal that lump of coal he left. Not to mention the tax-deductibility of said donation come IRS time... Merry Christmas, from your favorite atheist. Have a safe and happy holiday.

Ask Mike, debate geek edition

In this edition of Ask Mike we answer an email from one of the debate students I judge. (For my non-debate geek readers I will give editorial translation in parenthesis. That and insert pithy remarks here and there.)

1) What are your author quals? (Translated: If I use you in round as a source, what can I say when someone tries to verify your qualifications.)
2) Why is seniorcorps such a horrible program?
3) Does in-round discourse - especially kritiks of the debate system - actually mean anything? (Translation: I spell critique weird because I was taught by a snooty intellectual elitist? Oh yeah, do you judge on them?)
--Dave

Dave, your spelling of critique made my brain hurt trying to figure out the question on three. I am guessing you learned that spelling from a scholarly nerd type. That kind of crap gets you a wedgie in no time. Onward and upward:

1) My author quals, personally, are that I am God, know everything worth knowing, and know that nine out of ten judges don't check quals. Oh, yeah, I am also a published political pundit, expert at trivial pursuit, and have an I.Q. of 165. (Editors note: All true. I am my own personal God...) I wouldn't use a card from me to build your entire case but to instead flesh it out and strengthen your evidence.

2) Poor organization. Giving old people a reason not to die is on paper a good cause. Using fiat a properly run affirmative can totally win with it but in reality Senior Corps is under funded and thus overworks the volunteers it has. As long as an affirmative has cards to defend against the obvious euthanasia attack it can be a strong case.

(Translation: The current CX debate resolution states that the US Government should substantially increase the number of persons serving in various service organizations and Senior Corps is one many debate teams have chosen. In my explanation I discuss a bunch of debate )

3) Critique is like topicality for me, it has to be flawless, elegant, and clear to score any points. Often it is silly and as long as Affirmative at least touches on it, it falls. One team ran a topicality against re-instating the draft that said that military service did not qualify as service under the resolution. This directly contradicts the resolution as it specifically mentions armed services and thus falls the moment it is uttered. In place of a weak critique or T I would suggest a DA, inherency, or even a nice solvency attack. Sometimes a well worded counter-plan is nice.

Speaking of which, I have been thinking about the Chuck Norris CP and if the fake silliness is pulled out it could work. Replace the "Chuck Norris supports the FDIC" junk with actual facts about his own volunteer work and assistance with Federal volunteer programs and you have a CP that kicks as much ass as he does.

(Translation: Blah blah blah, bunch of debate specific crap that doesn't translate.)


Well, that's all for this time kids. Remember, send me your questions on any topic and I will make fun of... I mean answer them.

Behold! Rising from the dust! It's....

The Ask Mike column is back for the first time since December of '05. This is the column where my readers (all three of you) email me questions and I make fun of... I mean answer... them. Seriously, send any question to me via email (mclarksonazATgmail.com with the @ character in place of AT), blog comment, myspace message, or carrier pigeon and I will answer it in a future blog post. Hopefully my new minions from speech and debate tournaments will post topic related questions (hint, hint, nudge, nudge) that I can answer for their enlighenment and use in rounds (free speaker points for quoting me). In fact, what I would like to see ultimately is all of the students who have the address here refering their entire team. My goal is to have kids I have never met using my thoughts in debate and speech rounds the world over. Ambitious goal I admit but a worthy one. We future rulers of the world have to have dreams...

"Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?"
"The same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world!"

Hope for the future

I spent the weekend judging debate at GP. It is rejuvenating to be reminded that the next generation is in fact not full of idiots but minds that fill me with hope. These kids actually care and are just waiting for the information they need to go out and change the world. I get so psyched when I watch these kids light up at stuff so many adults only pretend to care about. Politics, values, and looking at otherwise mundane facts from fresh new angles. Makes me wish I had taken the teaching path in my career life. When I get a chance I will be posting information on some of the topics these kids are addressing this year.

Out of the random randomness

I was going to post something on Kim Jom Nitwit in North Korea but I was tired. I was going to post something on Mark Foley but the media really beat that horse to death and then started kicking it. I have had a myriad of topic ideas that I started to write about until the ADD kicked in and it was like, "Kim Jom Il is a poopyhead blah blah blah...Oh look, a new post in the Wired Table of Malcontents..." I swear sometimes I have the attention span of a three year old.

Then my wife brings home her friends from work and I start to feel so old. All of her new work friends are at least 7 years younger than me. These people are fresh out of high school and still a bit wet behind the ears. It is the first time ever I have had parties where I am the first to call it a night. Every day I look in the mirror and see more gray hair in my beard. If I did not color it the hair on my head would match. I feel a little better when a clerk checks my ID for beer but then I am brought down when they proceed to ID the 50 year old behind me.

As I get older I have started noticing, it is truly the small things in life that get me by. A cold beer in the fridge or warm kiss from my wife, a wave and smile from a stranger or a hug from a friend. For instance, each morning I drive my little girl to school. On the way I pass a crossing guard. There is nothing out of the ordinary about this crossing guard, just a nice middle aged woman, and I wouldn't know her from Adam, yet every time I drive by she has a wave and a nice smile waiting. I never even noticed that we wave at each other every day until today when she had gone to her car and wasn't in her usual spot. It was like a little hole in the day. That got me thinking and hence you have this post.

What little things get you through your day? Watch and see if you notice the small things you would ordinarily take for granted and then imagine your day without them. Then reply with those things here.

Fun words

Wanker. Kolache. Poop. Wenus. Booger. Some words are just so much fun to say. I was chatting with the coolest chick from Ohio who now lives in Texas and used the word wanker and it made me laugh. Being the attention deficient bozo I am, my brain derailed from the conversation at hand to funny sounding words.

Dave Barry had the theory that any sentence could be made funny just by a properly inserted use of the word booger. For example, the sentence "Kim Jom Il just tested a nuclear device, much to the chagrin of President George W. Bush" is quite serious. We could make it funny just by inserting booger thus, "Kim Booger Il just tested a booger device, much to the chagrin of President George W. Booger." Suddenly we have comic gold. Try it sometime. Next time you have to give a speech, randomly insert the word booger. Even if they don't laugh, they will give you funny looks and that just means they are laughing on the inside.

Paradigm Shift

For those unfamiliar with the concept of paradigm shift, I once heard it explained this way:

A man was riding the subway home from work and watched as a haggard looking woman with her four vociferous children climbed aboard. The moment the doors closed the children began tearing about the car with reckless abandon while the haggard woman merely stared into space as if she saw nothing.

The man slowly became annoyed by the woman's indifference to her children's horrid behaviour and finally approached her, asking her to control her children. The woman quickly apologized as she rounded up her children and then offered the following explanation of her absent-mindedness.

"I am sorry sir, we just came from the hospital where my husband died suddenly today. I was trying to find the words to explain this to my children and I guess I got lost in thought."

The man was nearly struck dumb by this as his annoyance vanished into shame for his anger with this poor woman and pity for her plight. He had experienced the extreme change in his point-of-view that is a paradigm shift.

I bring up the topic of paradigm shift today because lately I have taken stock in my own complete paradigm shifts. In religion I have gone from devout Mormon to agnostic bordering on atheist. In politics I have gone from Republican to dissident with large amounts of disdain for both parties. In my views on sex and sexuality I have gone from the narrow Christian view of sex being between one man and one woman to acceptance of my poly-amorous, bi, and homosexual friends even to the point of fighting for gay marriage. It makes me wonder what other changes are in store for me as my horizons broaden?

Scott Adams posed a question the other day on the Dilbert Blog asking, "If a man goes into the forest and pokes a bear with a sharp stick, and the bear kills the man, whose fault is it?" He then further poses, "Now substitute an irrational human being for the bear. The guy with the stick knows he’s dealing with an irrational and potentially violent person, and he pokes him with the stick anyway. Just like the bear, the irrational guy kills the guy who poked him." Who's fault is it? This further begs the question, who is the truly irrational one, the poker or the pokee? (Further, is pokee even a word?)

When applying this conundrum to the middle east crisis, for instance, we have three major groups, Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. Logic dictates that for the doctrine of any one to be right the other two HAVE to be wrong. This is assuming that all three groups aren't suffering from different versions of the same delusion. Imagine for a moment finding out the followers of a faith other than your own were the only right ones. No matter which faith you pick, you will only have a very small percentage of the world with you in heaven. Maybe it is my inner atheist talking but to me this doesn't sound like the hand of an all knowing and loving God. The logic flaw to me is quite clear but how does one create a mass paradigm shift amongst billions of people at once? Find the answer to that and you have found the solution to world peace. Or maybe it is I who is irrational.

Of cars and shiny things

Yesterday I woke up like any other day, got ready for work, and went down to my car. I had noticed the smell of antifreeze the night before and wanted to check my fluids. I opened the radiator and much to my chagrin, it was bone dry. I re-filled it and looked under the car. Sure enough it looked like my engine block was taking a piss. Shit. I finally tracked the leak to a crack in the block. There goes my mode of transportation.

I called up my buddies over at Ed Hicks Nissan to see if they could hook me up with a deal. I built their network and thought them to be my best chance at finding a reliable set of wheels. I fully expected to drive away in a car from their used lot with the highest mileage they had. I was wrong. Today I have a brand new, hot off the showroom floor, Nissan Sentra. The odometer read 20 at the time I drove it off. They cut me a great deal and financed me at 5%, a rate I haven't seen since my first wife pillaged my credit. It is great and as it turns out a perfect extra birthday gift for my wife who's birthday is today.

Of course I bought her real birthday gift last week with the assistance of Isa, who might I add has impeccable taste and will be my personal shopper after I make my first million. I went a little over my budget with the gift but I think it will make her smile. Tiff has been trying to get it out of me. I keep telling her it is poop in a bag with glitter on it but she doesn't believe me. She won't accept that poop in a bag is all the rage. I hear Paris Hilton carries hers everywhere she goes. Oh well, at least she won't be out of the fashion loop when I give it to her... Happy birthday baby.