Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Been a while since I've updated. Life has been topsy turvey of late and my work schedule has been insane. Things have been so strange.

First, Tiff and I went over to our friends John and Shannon's house for a barbecue. He has a newborn son. I sat on the couch watching him for a couple of hours. I didn't want to pick him up but I felt drawn to do it. I finally gave in and picked up an infant for the first time in 7 months. I held him until his bedtime. Even then I didn't want to let go. It hurt so much yet felt so good at the same time. It has been 7 months since I held Diana's little body in my arms. The pain never fades. All you can do is cope with it.

Second, I've been feeling a bit smothered at late. I have bad credit as a result of some really poor decisions (i.e. my first marriage) so I live with my parents and work for their company to pay off my debt. It started over a year and a half ago at about $25,000 of debt plus living expenses month to month. If I stop working for them, my wife and I are homeless. I wouldn't mind so much if I knew how long this tunnel was but they refuse to give me any idea of how far I have to go until I can get out of this indentured servitude. I would leave today if I could get hired somewhere else but with my credit rating I can't get my family a place to live. I would stay here if I could see light at the end of the tunnel without the sound of a train whistle.

Third, I got a call from my old friend John. I haven't heard from him in over 6 years. It felt good to talk to him and reminisce about the old days. John and I were two of the Three Heathens. John and I were good friends through our church's single adult program. Then a guy named Carl came home from a mission and we all became like brothers. When Carl got up to give a talk in church we were there. The three of us all wore goatees at the time. When Carl began his talk he said, "I was talking to the Bishop and he pointed at my beard and said I've become a heathen." Thus the Three Heathens were formed. I miss those days of movie marathons, cold pizza, and the most hilarious disjointed conversations ever. Friends come and go but brotherhoods like that never die.

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