Monday, March 20, 2006

Road Rage

I drive down some two lane roads to get to work every day. They are farm roads with a posted speed limit of 70 and no place for cops to hide. This cuts my time to get to work in half. Normally. Then we have days like today. As I was driving someone pulled out that should have waited and took forever to accelerate to the exciting top speed of 50. Traffic was spaced on the other side just close enough to make passing unsafe. Once I finally got around that bozo I was approaching a curve. Coming the other way was an 18-wheeler. As we turned he crossed the line almost sending me into either the ditch or his over sized trailer. Had I been in a car less nimble than my Honda Accord I would be in the E.R., not my office.

Drivers like these make me wish they would allow the use of car mounted tactical explosives. If you travel more than five miles per hour under the speed limit *BOOM*. Turn out of your lane into mine *BOOM*. If I could drive the M1 tank I would. I wouldn't even need the gun turret. Just roll right over the fuckers. With the governor removed they are capable of 90 mph.

I know these measures are too extreme to be allowed by the government (the same bastards who keep putting in speed bumps) but you can't blame a guy for wishful thinking.

I do think people should actually be pulled over for going too slow though. I also think everyone over the age of 60 everyone should be forced to take a driving test yearly. Older people's driving skills can deteriorate rapidly until one day they drive through a crowd of people. I have personally been hit twice by old ladies who thought they were hitting the brake. Every time I get the urge to get out and beat the shit out of someone who cuts me off and drives 20 mph under the limit they are invariably old. I remember following one that ran 3 lights at 5 mph.

Then you have truckers who get 3 weeks of training and suddenly they are worthy of a CDL. Forget taking the time to teach them proper turning on two lane farm roads. We have products to move. We have insurance to pay for the damage these uneducated dolts do. Fuckers.

These people need to get off of the road.

Ok, I am not saying pull them all off the road. Just the ones who drive in front of me...


JC said...

you have not seen bad driving until you have driven in Columbus. I know, everybody says wherevery they live that nobody can drive well, but I've lived all over the world, and the only place I've been that people drive worse than columbus was Marrakesh. And they had donkey-carts to deal with.

Here, it isn't the slow-moving old farts, Oh how I long for those halcyon days of cussing out blue haired old bitties for driving too slow!

Here in Columbus, about 7% of the driving population actually believe they are in a video game. They are competing in a sort of suicidal race, where it's totally acceptable to risk rolling over your enormous SUV in order to pass someone (on the right shoulder) who is going 85, just so you can do 90.

There are more serial killers from Ohio than anywhere else.

I think it's the clouds. Makes you want to kill people.

Michael J. Clarkson, Jr. said...

I would agree. You have to love the car-capades in the winter though. It is as if people from Ohio forget how to drive on ice so you end up getting to see the dance of the 3000 pound SUV, right into the fence. I was on a bike much of the time I spent in Ohio so I got real up close and personal with more than one cars-on-ice show.

Angel said...

Even funnier than watching people, normally used to icy conditions, forget how to drive on ice are southerners - totally unprepared for ice on the roads, and yet they still manage to find reasons to drive (read slide) from point A to point B...often never reaching their destinations. Hee-hee!

It's like frogger-on-ice.

- Rev_Sapphire