Sunday, March 08, 2009

Who watches the Watchmen?

I guess the more accurate question is, "Who SHOULD watch the Watchmen?" The answer, which was unclear to many moviegoers tonight, is definitely NOT children. We went to see this movie tonight, which was a solid portrayal of a graphic novel (read "comic book") written specifically for adults. The book really did put the GRAPHIC in graphic novel and the movie is an unflinching portrayal. I will not review it other than to say you have to be a sick fuck to enjoy it. Yes, I am a sick fuck.

For the average, sane, and well adjusted person this movie is too intense. To be accurate, it entails a sickeningly accurate portrayal of rape, brutal violence against women, intense violence involving bones crushing through the skin, and entire bodies literally being obliterated in a gory mess that would make Jason Voorhees blush. The nihilistic worldview and wanton violence alone are enough to justify an NC-17 rating but it gets worse. There is plenty of nudity and sex, including a glowing blue superhero whose radioactive cock gets plenty of airtime and on a stadium screen is about 6 feet tall.

Now for any consenting adult, if the description I just gave sounds good for you, go ahead and see the film. Then call a psychotherapist. If you are in need of the same mental help I am you will enjoy it.

I do ask one thing though. LEAVE YOUR KIDS AT HOME!!! In the front row of the theater was a whole row of children brought in by parents who clearly don't give a shit what their kids watch. For someone who can't tell reality from fiction, this movie will warp the fuck out of them. This film has a body count that rivals the holocaust and enough gore for ten sequels to Hostel. Having a giant blue cock in your face at that age won't help either. Hire a fucking babysitter. Can't afford one? Wear a fucking condom before you have the kid asshole.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some making up to do for inflicting this film on my wife. I didn't fully prepare her for this and the experience was traumatic. This movie really is not for sane people.

1 comment:

Angel said...

I have yet to read The Watchmen, but when Nick & I went to see it on Saturday I was informed it remained faithful to the book for the most part. I was not warned of the graphic nature (ie; blue penis and gory deaths), but I enjoyed the movie nonetheless. I guess I, too, am a "sick fuck".

There were kids in the theater when we went, as couple even brought in a toddler, who cried at the first sign of loud noise. Needless to say, they left the theater out of respect for their child's sanity, and that of their fellow movie-goers. Kudos to them.

I can see how an unprepared person could be shocked by the movie...but the graphics were surreal enough to remind the viewer that this wass based on a comic, and not real life. The story line is a chaotic one, and the sex and violence can make many squeemish...but I enjoyed the movie.

Shame on YOU for not warning your wife about the graphic nature of the film. A little preparation could have made her experience more enjoyable...and/or caused her to realize that was not the kind of movie she wanted to watch.

- Angel