Sunday, March 08, 2009

Who watches the Watchmen?

I guess the more accurate question is, "Who SHOULD watch the Watchmen?" The answer, which was unclear to many moviegoers tonight, is definitely NOT children. We went to see this movie tonight, which was a solid portrayal of a graphic novel (read "comic book") written specifically for adults. The book really did put the GRAPHIC in graphic novel and the movie is an unflinching portrayal. I will not review it other than to say you have to be a sick fuck to enjoy it. Yes, I am a sick fuck.

For the average, sane, and well adjusted person this movie is too intense. To be accurate, it entails a sickeningly accurate portrayal of rape, brutal violence against women, intense violence involving bones crushing through the skin, and entire bodies literally being obliterated in a gory mess that would make Jason Voorhees blush. The nihilistic worldview and wanton violence alone are enough to justify an NC-17 rating but it gets worse. There is plenty of nudity and sex, including a glowing blue superhero whose radioactive cock gets plenty of airtime and on a stadium screen is about 6 feet tall.

Now for any consenting adult, if the description I just gave sounds good for you, go ahead and see the film. Then call a psychotherapist. If you are in need of the same mental help I am you will enjoy it.

I do ask one thing though. LEAVE YOUR KIDS AT HOME!!! In the front row of the theater was a whole row of children brought in by parents who clearly don't give a shit what their kids watch. For someone who can't tell reality from fiction, this movie will warp the fuck out of them. This film has a body count that rivals the holocaust and enough gore for ten sequels to Hostel. Having a giant blue cock in your face at that age won't help either. Hire a fucking babysitter. Can't afford one? Wear a fucking condom before you have the kid asshole.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some making up to do for inflicting this film on my wife. I didn't fully prepare her for this and the experience was traumatic. This movie really is not for sane people.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Why Facebook and Myspace suck

So I have both a MySpace and Facebook account and they annoy me. MySpace annoys me because they filtered the link to this very site, claiming it violates some use policy. I think it is because I say things that might offend the slow witted here and that is the bulk of MySpace users. Facebook annoys me for another reason entirely. Every time you or your friends do something, Facebook posts a blurb about it to the entire friends list as though it were front page news. What ends up happening is my page is filled with blurbs like:

Joe Blow has just joined the cause, Nose Pickers Anonymous. Join him there.

Jane Doe just jabbed herself in the eye on Running with scissors.

Bob Jones just dropped a turd the size of Wisconsin.

You can't blog there, the ads in the sidebars are infected with malware 95% of the time, and in the end, I really don't give a shit what my friends are doing when they are bored. If you are doing something on Facebook, 99.9% of the time it is not important and 100% of the time it is boring to read about.

I'd write more, but my wife has me addicted to Vampire Wars on Facebook. Two more consecutive days logging in and I get a new special power. Damn you FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!