Wednesday, February 17, 2010

John Mayer, Silent Bob, and Me

In the news this week we have a fat guy who can't fly Southwest (power to the fat guys), a singer who in an interview with Playboy decided to run his mouth and offend people to a point even Oprah won't let him on her show to cry and apologize, and all of the people who deign to judge them.

Lets start with Kevin Smith, a.k.a. Silent Bob for those less in the know. First, as a big fan off all of his work and a fellow fat man, big shout out to Kevin. Last time I flew Southwest, back in 1999, I was in the best physical condition of my life and still barely fit in their sardine can seats. Now, you would need a pry bar and tub of lube to get my 6'1" near 300 pound ass in those seats. To make any customer feel like shit is wrong and bad business. To do it in front of a plane full of people when you have purchased the multiple seats they require is bullshit. Hearing people bag on Kevin for his response has, to say the least annoyed me. If you are kicked off a flight even after following the rules and spending the extra money to buy a seat, be pissed. It is the correct response. To add to that, he is letting the fellow plus sized passengers know the bullshit that awaits them at Southwest. Carry on brother.

Now to John Mayer. John, you poor bastard. Did you not know that some people actually read Playboy interviews? I know, weird... Do you people not know there are naked women in there? Now to what John said. John in a stupid, misguided attempt to be witty and edgy proceded to call Jessica Simpson sexual napalm, which I must assume is true if any of my fantasies are accurate. But that wasn't the worst of it. He used the N-word in a reference Dave Chapelle might get away with but he lacks the melanin to pull off and then went into how he prefers masturbation to sex. He then went on to say his mind wasn't racist but his dick was David Duke. Then he lists African American actresses he would date if he could. John, you poor stupid man. Black jokes are only edgy if you are black. In your case, they just make you look racist to the point even Oprah won't let you on her show to apologize to the world. I understand. No, I really don't. I've said some stupid things in my day but I would totally bang a black girl*, never drop the N-bomb, and be more judicious in my description of sex with Jessica Simpson. We do have one thing in common though. Oprah won't invite me on her show either. Just keep your head down for now and let the dust settle. And never say stupid shit like that again.

For those of you who judge people for one thing they say and not their body of work, kindly go fuck yourselves** Have a nice day!

*I would like to apologize for my insensitive comment about banging a black girl. I meant it in the most complementary way.
**If were offended by the go fuck yourself remark, you are the one I was directing it at. Just you. Nobody else. Now don't you feel special...

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