Friday, April 15, 2005

Ouch...

These have to be the weirdest things I've seen in a while:

I don't know what is more disturbing, seeing this girl with rings through her back or the fact that I have enough time on my hands to stumble onto this. As frightening as this is, I think the pink ribbon will really compliment the flaming red infection those ring are going to create in about a week.

What is the deal with piercing? I used to have an earring and I think navel rings are hot but damn, do you have to put more holes in your flesh? Not to mention the "special" piercings that guys get that actually risk their ability to "perform". Hello!!! Simple science lesson. Men maintain functionality via maintaing blood pressure. What does a balloon do when you poke a hole in it? Nuff said.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Gym Locker Rooms

I work out about three times a week at the local athletic club. In doing so, I spend some time in the locker room changing clothes and showering. I have to ask, why is it always the old men who decide that locker time is walk around naked time? I completely understand temporary nudity to change clothes and shower but these guys walk in, get naked, and then go shave, read the paper, or the most disturbing part, chat with anyone walking by. They have ready access to towels to wrap themselves with but instead walk around naked. Yesterday I saw one guy take it further and actually powder himself with Gold Bond right in the middle of the path where you must walk to get to the shower. He just kicked his leg up on a bench and proceded to powder the boys like nobody was standing there looking for a sharp implement to jab their own eyes out with. I understand that some guys need to powder but go in a corner and at least try to stay out of the way. If you need to be naked, don't make me look at you. Now I need to go re-format my brain to erase that image. I will never look at Gold Bond the same again...

Monday, April 11, 2005

Twins

WARNING: Do not read this without a box of tissue nearby. Tiff, you may want to avoid this entirely. I am having a hard time keeping the tears off the keyboard.

There are two members of my family that I have not mentioned yet but they deserve note here. Diana Grace and Finleigh Rose were stillborn on October 8, 2004. They died of twin transfusion syndrome. Finleigh was acardiac (never formed a heart) and Diana's heart had to pump blood for both of them through a blood vessel in the placenta. Normally the acardiac twin never develops to be large enough to tax the pump twin but in Finleigh was almost fully developed with the exception of a heart. We went to specialists in Galveston and made every effort to save them but it was not to be. They are buried in a family plot together in a small white coffin. The two girls who shared a heart and a womb are together in Heaven.

They recently had their headstone set. It has two doves and a lamb. We thought it fitting, our two little doves going to join the Lamb of God. As much comfort as it is knowing they are in a better place, I still feel like I've been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. To this day Tiffanie cannot look at a new baby without breaking into tears. The last newborn she held was the stillborn body of Diana. Come to think of it, Diana is the last newborn I held. I have to stop here before tears short out my keyboard.

Tough Little Boys

Gary Allen had it right. When tough little boys grow up to be dads, they turn into big babies again. Last Saturday Jasmine and I had a whole day to play. We went to the movies, got pizza, and blew a few bucks on games at Chuck E Cheese. I love that little girl. She sat on my lap at the movie and buried her face in my shoulder each time the bad guy appeared. I remember the day she was born she fit in the palm of my hand. My little 5 pound 6 ounce miracle. Now she is five and in pre-school. Tomorrow she hits high school and the next day comes the big wedding. Better start playing the lotto now. Come on big money...

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The women in my life

I think it is time to introduce my 5 year old daughter Jasmine and my wife Tiffanie.




Tiffanie is the high school sweetheart I told you about in Story Time With Mike. She is what keeps me from climbing a clock tower with a rifle. I love her more than life itself. You will see stories of us when I have more time to write them.

Jasmine is my daughter from my first marriage. (If I'm ever in the right mood I'll tell you about that trip to hell and back.) She is a little ball of fire. I see so much of me in her and that worries the hell out of me. She is a genius like me and thus figures out the best way to get into and out of trouble. Throw in a dash of my temper for flavor and you have the reason I am going gray at 26. You gotta love that little scamp.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Another day, another 50 cents...

I got up this morning with a mild headache. That and my knee hurts from ramming it into the back of a server with all steel chassis (no, not on purpose). It is days like today that make me forget why I quit drinking coffee. Hell, it is days like today that make me forget why I quit drinking. It isn't a bad day per se, but it is just kind of blah. It makes me feel way older than I am. I am 26 going on 57.

To add insult to injury, I've been thinking about my 10 year reunion, which is next year, and I feel old. I know, I still have most of my life ahead of me but damn, the life I've had so far is moving WAY to fast. Tom Petty was wrong when he said, "...you never slow down, you never grow old...". You grow old no matter what. I can sympathize with the next lyric though, "I'm tired of screwing up, I'm tired of goin' down, I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of this town." Yeah, I know, way to much classic rock for me. I need to turn on some feel good music...where is my AC/DC...ahhh, I love iTunes. Thank you Steve Jobs...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

The Next Blog Button

I was bored and decided to take a trip into the surreal realm of the "Next Blog" button you see at the top of my screen. Weird. Aside from pages in languages other than my own I have come across the wise words of a teen stoner, a woman giving all of the details of her menstrual cycle, a starving cartoonist who's drawings are on the kindergarten level, a blog by a robot, one written by a mother pretending to be her baby, and a guy who posts only random photos of his feet. Add to this any moron with an opinion and you have the realm called blogger.com. Way to much fun.

I need a life...

Microsoft

I am at "work" (a.k.a. my living room). I am working on the company website and my eyes are crossing. There is nothing that makes your head hurt like staring at raw HTML for hours. Not only that but I have to come to the Microsoft Business Solutions page. I am a Microsoft Certified Professional. I use Linux and Mac OS as a result.

The company I work for is a Microsoft Certified Business Solutions Provider. I have to come up with nice things to say about Microsoft beyond "runs solitaire really well" and "only locks up twice a day" without saying "hacker fodder" and "good if you want your hard drive to sound like Chewbacca." I hate maketing drivel.

Microsoft is good for what it is, a simple, expensive solution for those unwilling to take the time to learn something new. Properly patched and updated it is almost secure if you use 3rd party security solutions. I am lucky enough to have users who have no idea what an update is and wouldn't know a firewall if it bit them in the arse.

If you are willing to pay for an upgrade license you can get the newest features that don't work right (i.e. Internet Exploder) till Service Pack 1 and then get broken again by Service Pack 2. To top it off, you have to register it with Microsoft and let it "phone home" to activate. Lord only knows what exactly it tells the Microsoft servers. I bet the conversation goes something like this:

Your Computer: "Hey, this guy has a 40 GB hard drive and 256MB of RAM."

Microsoft: "Only 256MB...hmmm...that should work fine for a week. Then we update and give him blue screens until he throws his PC out the Window."

Your Computer: "While we are at it, lets wait for his wife to log on and hit him with the bigboobs.com popup. He'll LOVE that..."

Microsoft: "You have done well my minion. Remember, you must never reproduce and error when the technician is in the room. Now go forth and break their will."

Your Computer: "Yes master."

Oh well. I wonder if Microsoft will get mad at me for writing this from a Mac using the Firefox browser...

Monday, April 04, 2005

Story Time With Mike

My last two posts were downer central. Today I think I'll lighten the mood a bit. I feel story time coming on. What to tell... I think it would be best to tell the tale of how my wife an I met.

The year was 1994. Junior year at Richard King High School for me. The day had been somewhat uneventful. I walked into 5th period Anatomy and Physiology. I was almost late and thus, the last person there. I was normally a back row slacker so I scanned there first. The class was full. I kept scanning from back to front. My eyes fell on the seat right in front of me there on the front row. In looking at the seat I saw a pair of long creamy white legs under the table next to it. My eyes followed up the legs to the short black skirt. While all of this took less than a second in my mind it ran in slow motion. It still does. I followed the body the rest of the way up and saw this beautiful blonde haired, blue-eyed girl sitting next to the only seat in the room. Such luck! My mind instantly said, "she must have a boyfriend." I sat down. Trying not to concentrate on her I noticed a girl from the other end of the row slinking my way. I say slink because there is no better way to describe her catlike motion. She sits on my desk and flips open the front cover of my book where I had written my name. "So, Mike" she gushed, "mind if I pull up a seat?" "Damn good year," I thought to myself. She introduced herself and then proceeded to introduce the blonde sitting next to me. Celinda was the catlike being on my desk and the red hot blonde by my side was Tiffanie. Celinda grabbed a chair and sat between Tiffanie and I. As class got underway Celinda passed me a note that said something to the effect of, "Tiffanie thinks you are hot." Now I had fallen for a prank that started like this before so I played it cool. She asked me if I was going to ask her out and I responded with a maybe. Class proceeded well from there.

In the next period I received a note from the counselor. I was being moved to a different anatomy class because that one was full. Damn. I never even got her number. The next day I came in early to work on a computer science project. I finished long before I expected to and walked downstairs. I almost literally ran smack into Tiffanie. We began to chat. We walked around the whole school talking about everything but each other. I remember thinking, "are we actually talking about the weather?" The five minute bell rang and I walked her to her locker. It was a bottom locker. I only remember it because she was in another short black skirt. As she stood up we hugged, as was my custom with all my female friends.

Then something strange happened. She looked me in the eye with a longing look that reached out a grabbed me. I slowly leaned in and kissed her, just a moment at first but when my stolen kiss drew no slap I kissed her full and deep. Please note that to that point, kissing strangers was not in either of our habits. I felt her knees go weak and I knew she was mine.

It has been more than ten years since that kiss. We haven't been together that whole time. I even married a different woman before her. The tale of our ups and downs has been long and often rocky but never for a lack of love. In all the years since that time and all the women I have touched, never has a kiss matched hers. Now I am the luckiest man alive because I can feel that kiss each morning and again each night.