Tuesday, February 28, 2006

MySpace is EVIL!

Today kids we are going to discuss that evil MySpace.com and other such sites that your mommy and daddy are too stupid to understand and therefore must be harmful to you. Bloggers are all evil perverts. Someone posing as a 16 year old girl could in fact be a 65 year old hermaphrodite named Stinky Pete. These people might say dirty words to you like, "WHO R U" or "ROFLMAO". We parents have no idea what these mean so they must be dirty. We have tried blocking you but the glowy box you call computer vexes us so we must instead lay down some rules.
  • If Katie Couric ever tells us it might be harmful we are so pulling the plug. She is peppy and has nice legs so she must know what she is talking about.
  • You must never post your real name, age, or location (yes I am talking to you L33t HaX0R7 age 153 from Gelgomac Prime) or some pervert might find you.
  • Never post real pictures of yourself. Only use stick figures or possibly someone else's.
  • Never describe yourself as hot, good looking, or anything that might attract fellow human beings. Homely people don't get raped. At least Katie Couric hasn't told us about any homely raped people.
  • Never use dirty words. Just because daddy says it when he hits his thumb with a hammer while "fixing" things does not give you license to say it.
  • Never post anything about your actual life. You should always bottle up your teen angst so years later you can pay for your therapist's new Jaguar. Either that or end up shooting your classmates so we can blame guns instead of poor parenting.

I hope you have learned a valuable lesson today kids. When you grow up, you can be uninformed and scared of technology too. Now be a good little boy or girl and go get mommy or daddy right now so he or she can see what you've just read. Specifically point out the next sentence.

*GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND LEARN WHAT MYSPACE IS INSTEAD OF LETTING THE UNINFORMED FEAR MONGERS AT DATELINE AND THE OTHER "NEWS" SOURCES THINK FOR YOU, YOU STUPID LAZY MORON! Thank you.

4 comments:

PooPooCup said...

You got in trouble again, didn't you?

And just think, wasn't it your wife who dragged you, kicking and screaming, over to Myspace?

Nice to see you in defending mode.

Michael J. Clarkson, Jr. said...

Nope, not in trouble. All of the people on my friends list are over 18.

I'm just annoyed by all these "news" sources going around creating a huge fear of MySpace and other blogging sites when fear isn't waranted. It is just like the music my parents called "devil music" growing up is now played on easy listening channels.

More children are molested by their priests, teachers, and relatives everyday than are molested by someone they have met online in one year. If they are going to put people on the air discussing it, their IQ should at least equal their shoe size. That's all I'm sayin.

StrawberryBlondeTart said...

For the record- he doesnt get in trouble... he gets fired. I also didnt drag him... that was all for the love of Carson Daly- he was one of the top people on his friends list (honestly I thought he was joking when he said he had signed up)

one of our lovely newscasters here in the armpit of america decided to make it a point to do a SPECIAL REPORT on the evils of Myspace.

you would think it was a slow news day.

Mike gets annoyed when "the man" steps in to interfere with his plans to corrupt children everywhere

DAMN the man, Mike... Damn the man!!!

Angel said...

Damn the man - Save the empire!

- Rev_Sapphire