Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Ask Mike First Installment

Today I begin my new segment called, I got really creative with this, Ask Mike. This is (a thinly veiled attempt to up my readership) where my readers write in with real questions and I either answer them or make fun of them. (My serious remarks will be noted in parenthesis). Today we have an actual email from, no joke here, Chocolate Phonebook.

Mr. Clarkson,

1. What is your definition of great art?

2. Do you have any pointers to help one get organized? What works for you?

3. How do you suggest I react to religious fanatics who say they believe in forgiveness when they only shout damnation in my face?

4. Also, what do you shave with?

Your inconsistently avid reader,
Chocolate Phonebook


These are deep questions and I have pondered my response in depth (which consists of taking a bathroom break) and have come to the following answers:

  1. Truly great art comes from great people, most often dead. Their art was only considered great if it included naked people or anything that confused a critic who did not wish to admit to confusion. (Seriously, art is purely subjective and what is great to me is crap to the next guy. I like art to move me from the inside and make me feel something profound.)

  2. Organization is an important skill for success in life. I find the best method is invest in a PDA like a Palm Pilot. Then enter all your important contacts, calendar dates, et cetera until you are organized. Then leave you Palm Pilot in a safe place where you will never find it. (Seriously, I am the least organized person I know. I know I have a desk but I can't remember what color it is from all the crap piled on it. Organization really only helps people who's life is predictable and mine isn't.)

  3. This one is all serious. I often find fanatics suffer from the defect of always believing they hold the higher moral ground. No matter how absurd the assertion, if it comes from a warped view of faith, they will hold it with a Kung Fu grip. Christ himself suffered from the torment of those who believed him to be wrong. Paul was persecuted early on for his participation in the execution of Christians. You are not in bad company. The only way to vindicate yourself is to live well. Ignore the rantings of hypocrites. Pointing out their hypocrisy only fuels the fire.

  4. Gillette M3 Power. I use a mixture of baby oil and Edge Gel to lubricate the shave. Again, no joke here.

I hope these answers bring a smile to your face and possibly a solution to your quandary. Until next time, email your questions to mclarksonazATgmail.com and remember, be good or be good at it.


Angel said...

Ask Mike, eh?

Hmmmm, I don't believe I've ever seen your advice-giving in action (let alone if you give generally good advice, or just rants from someone who likes to hear themselves talk). Hee-hee!

This ought to be quite interesting - to say the least.

- Rev_Sapphire

PooPooCuppu said...

Chocolate Phonebook?

Sure are bored, aren't ya?

Brock Neilson said...

Funky name, the phone book.

The questions are a bit randomn but the answers are fair enough.

I can see this "Ask Mike" thing becoming really popular. Give it some time and you will end up on the T-shirts our rebelious American youth are wearing.

As to the organization question, I do wonder why your life is so inpredictable.

Michael J. Clarkson, Jr. said...

For the record, that was from a real reader who really emailed me using that pseudonym.

Angel: I hope it turns out as fun as it has in my head.

poopoocup: Yup. Although I did not make that one up.

Brock:I honestly hope it turns out as big as you say but even if I only entertain my current readers and add a few more, I will be happy.

Why is my life unpredictable? Mainly because I have little control over my next assignment, project, or decision. Right now I am in a job where I have to react to orders, not give them.

Brock Neilson said...

What sort of orders are you given at this job of yours.

Your not a spy art you?

PooPooCup said...

Ok, Michael. Here's a dilemma for you.

I just found out that my husband is my second cousin. Should I tell him?