Thursday, December 29, 2005

Ask Mike, Arkansas Edition

This is from a comment and I must assume it to be a hypothetical question.

Ok, Michael. Here's a dilemma for you. I just found out that my husband is my second cousin. Should I tell him?

You have no idea how funny this one is for me. You see, in the 8th grade I met this girl named Heather. I thought she was hot and apparently she felt the same about me. We even made out behind the school. I got home that day and talked to my mom about the new girl I had met that day, leaving out the kissing detail of course. I came to find out she was my cousin from the side of my family we never talk to. It made for some uncomfortable moments the next day. I know this is nowhere near the gravity of the situation you mentioned but it is funny.

Back to your dilemma. That is a touchy issue. The moral dilemma is one between full honesty and keeping a marriage. Lets say that you have kids together. The interest of the children is at stake here too. How would they adjust to life in Arkansas?

Seriously, it would have quite a bit to do with the strength of your marriage and how open minded he is. Would he be one to dissolve a marriage over this? Would you? Legally there would be no reason to dissolve the marriage since the relation was only known after the fact. Genetically there is enough distance that the risk of birth defects is no greater than if you were not related.

The only real questions here would be how you both are with the "EWWW YOU'RE MY COUSIN" factor and how you stand on my own previous question, is it ok to conceal things out of love? Of course this is a REALLY BIG thing. One might also bring religion into this but let's face it, Abraham married his half sister, had a kid with her handmaiden, and he is followed by Christians, Jews, and Muslims.

Personally, if in the same situation I would attempt to find a gentle way to tell my spouse. I know in my situation our love is stronger than the "EWWWW" factor and we could stand that test.

What does the rest of the peanut gallery have to say?

As always, send your questions to and I will try not to make fun of you.

This is Mike saying incest is best, put your cousin to the test...(Did I really just say that? I need my head examined. I also need to stop typing everything that runs through my head. Now...)


Oedipus said...

Your cousin? Ew.

Brock Neilson said...

Oedipus? How very funny, I love Oedipus Rex, there is this beautiful modern translation that I can't get enough of, its like one of my favorite plays ever.

With that aside,
I am not sure what to think about the marrying ones cousin thing.

I have heard of people marrying their second cousins, but the cousin thing is mostly out of style right now.

Still, many of our greatest writers and scientist married their cousins back in the day, but back then that was very very common and the culture hadn't built a complex against it.
I know Poe married his cousin, I think Hawthorne did too.

If you believe in the whole Adam & Eve thing you might not care that much because then we are all related, and of course The Bible is filled with all kinds of incest.

Aside from the Christian religions, think about what makes you two different from any other couple? You both have bodies and you both wanted to be together, are you happy?

I wouldn't gaurd it like some deep dark secret, but don't make a fuss, your marriage is about the same things any other marriage is about, and you have a family that is hardly different from any other family probubly.

If you love each other I think that is all that matters.

But of course I don't know what your spouse is like, or how your children would react, and all kinds of other things, so you have to be the final judge.

Pray about it or go to a shrink if you need to.


Happy NewYear!

Brock Neilson said...

I sure do hope that was a hypothetical question.


Angel said...

Personally, I think not telling the husband the truth might turn around to bite the wife in the ass later on. I mean, what if he finds out that they are cousins, then decides to tell the wife, only to find out she already would that complicate things?

- Rev_Sapphire

Lokon said...

I think angel has a good point. Also, I think they recently did a study wherein they determined marrying cousins (beyond first cousins) does not create extra risk for birth defects for the kids. But... I need to look for that before any goes with that supposition.

Michael J. Clarkson, Jr. said...

Lokon: Good to have a new voice here in the peanut gallery. Welcome aboard! And I do believe you are right. I heard the same study results. Here in Texas it is also legal to marry anything beyond first cousin.

Angel: I agree, keeping it secret could bite you in the ass.

but that can be fun sometimes...

brock: I agree, a shrink and possibly a priest would be good to consult on this issue.

Brock Neilson said...


Can I attempt to draw you?

Like can I do some pictures based on your profile picture?

Michael J. Clarkson, Jr. said...

Feel free. I would like to see the end results.

Brock Neilson said...


Thanks a bunch!