Friday, December 23, 2005

Out of love

"What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil." -Nietzsche

I have a deep burning question to ask. Is it truly wrong to obscure details that would hurt a loved one if knowing those details would bring only pain, anger, or other ill feeling?

If for instance someone who's opinion is always horrible and of no account says something hurtful of a loved one, are you obligated to share that with the loved one? Is it a lie not to give full disclosure of details that in the grand scheme only do harm?

Moreover, could you trust a person who purposefully omitted such detail? Is there anything truly beyond good and evil? If to lie is to deceive but there is no deception in the omission, is it a lie? Is full disclosure always the best policy? Should we always disclose every hateful thing to those we love for the sake of trust? Could you trust someone who constantly bears bad news and ill words that had you not known would have caused you no harm? If so, could you love them if all that they tell you brings hurt?

Is it more noble to shield someone from hurt or hand all of it off to them?

How can one be a knight in shining armor if you aren't allowed to protect?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Since you asked..

It seems ok to keep it to yourself. I mean, what is there to be gained by sharing something that could've been said in anger or because of a bad day.

Hypothetical example:

Say my husband's mom/dad/other doesn't like me. Say my husband knew but didn't tell me and later on, not only did I find out that I wasn't liked but that my husband knew it all along and kept it from me, I might be a bit angry. Although I would be irritated with him for not telling me, I believe I would mostly be mad, hurt really, that I was not liked. I think my frustration towards him would be because I would have put forth a wasted effort to be nice to someone who didn't like me. My anger towards him would only be a byproduct of my hurt feelings. In the end, feelings belong to the person who possesses them and ONLY that person is responsible. You should never unload your feelings on someone else. I know this from recent experience. A family member of mine unloaded on me at an inappropriate time. Instead of being happy about something, his pissyness turned my joy into sadness. It clouded my special day. Of course, I am responsible for allowing it. I should have just let him vent (which he should have kept to himself instead of being a selfish asshole) and threw it out the window. Being human, I let his feelings affect mine. Keep in mind, no matter what you do, you will always piss someone off. We all get over it.
On the flip side, if my husband did tell me his mom/dad/other didn't like me, I would be irritated and might not be nice thus, creating a problem. I might not go over there or I might confront them. Perhaps by not telling me, my husband would be keeping peace. Because, it may be that I might never find out unless he told me.
It's a double edge...
Not telling someone is not a sign of being untrustworthy. Its just a sign that you're not a gossip. If the 3rd party doesn't have the balls to speak up, their opinion or feeling must not be that worthy.

Just my opinion and like you said in an earlier post... we all got opinions.

Regardless, it sounds like you are in a pickle. Best of luck. You'll do the right thing.

On to positive energies, how's the Clarkson family diet?

Unknown said...

Thanks for all the input. I'll be writing more in a little while. I do feel a bit better about not beeing free with negative info.

Great to see you again Brock.

Unknown said...

jc' wife: to answer your other question, I have dropped a couple of pant sizes myself and we are both noticing small changes. The diet seems to be working slowly but surely.

Anonymous said...

That's AWESOME guys! Kudos on the weight loss.

I received the Martha Stewart Baking Handbook for xmas as I love to bake. I was a pastry chef in a former life and Elvis, but that's another story. Anyway, I feel MY ass getting bigger when I look at that book.

Keep up the good work, I am now living through you two. No pressure, though. Just goodwill.